The Maury Show: The WWE and TNA Edition!
by x.Cult Of Personality.x
Summary: No tests are off limits! Secrets, lies, and paternity tests WILL be revealed! Join your favorite WWE and TNA Superstars, Divas, and Knockouts as they take over daytime TV and Maury's stage! This month, someone's going to get BURNED.
1. WWE: Dolph, Maria, and ?

_**AN: Ok, I've wanted to do this for a while now, so here it is! Hope this is to your liking.**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 - Dolph, Maria, and ?... <em>(Liars, Cheaters, and Sweets)<em>**

Maury VO: "No test off limits! (clips are shown of people running offstage, crying) All February! All New Maury! Painful secrets! (A chick is shown crying) Paternity secrets! (A woman is shown saying, 'He may not be your son!') And unforgettable secrets! (A guy is shown saying, 'I've been having an affair.') Secrets! Lies! And paternity tests! Right Now!"

"Everybody welcome my first guest Dolph." Maury said, gesturing to Dolph Ziggler who was seated onstage.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.

"Now, for the past 2 months, Dolph's gotten into a relationship with a girl named Maria. For him, this should be the beginning of something new and exciting, right?" he asked. "Well, not exactly. Because what Maria, who's backstage, doesn't know is that Dolph's been keeping a huge secret from her."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" they exclaimed.

"That's right, Maury." Dolph agreed.

"And just what is that secret?"

"I've been cheating on Maria." he announced.

"BOOOOO!" the audience exclaimed, suddenly turning against him.

"What? Now, why would you do that?" he asked.

"Because! I've been trying and trying to make things work with her since day 1, but she just won't do her part." he explained.

"How was it like when you two first met?"

"It was great, we were good friends and everything, but I wanted to experiment and see how things would go if we'd began dating, and I thought that things were great until now." he replied.

"I hear a whole lot of 'I's, what does Maria even think about this?" he asked.

"Frankly, she doesn't even care, so I don't care anymore." he replied. "In fact, she doesn't even spend time with me, so that gives me more time to hang out with my buddies, and you know, she's the one who brought this onto herself."

"BOOOO!" they cried.

"Is this what led you to cheat on her?" he asked.

"Exactly. You know, I've been searching on the internet for chicks, who, frankly seem more appealing than Maria anyway, and I'm just ready to move on." Dolph replied.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" they cried again.

"But you're supposed to love this woman!" cried Maury.

"I do, but she needs to step up or else there will be no us anymore." Dolph replied.

"Well, let's see what Maria has to say about this." he said.

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><p>On Camera: "I'm a bit surprised that Dolph's called for me to be on the show, saying that he has a secret for me. Honestly, he's been acting pretty skeevy lately, and I have doubts about his fidelity, since I happened to find an empty condom wrapper in his car! Look, Dolph, I don't know what you're up to, but I really don't care. Because I have a few secrets of my own that I'd like to share with you. Toodles!" she finished.<p>

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><p>"OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" the audience exclaimed.<p>

"I'd like to hear more of this. Let's bring out Maria!" exclaimed Maury.

"WHOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered as she headed onstage, shook his hand and took a seat next to Dolph.

"Hello, Maury." she greeted.

"Hello, Maria. Now, how would you describe your relationship with Dolph over the past 2 months?" he asked.

"It was all right, I guess. But I had absolutely no say in anything! He always cared about himself and never gave a damn about me!" she exclaimed.

"Maria, you were never around in the first place!" argued Dolph.

"Because I was at my JOB! Trying to make something outta myself!" she replied while the audience cheered for her. "You need to get one of your own!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" he cried.

"All you do is sit at home all day and play video games and update your video blogs! And Maury, he doesn't even respect my privacy!" she cried.

"How so?"

"With these stupid blogs that he does. He tells the world about my personal business without even asking me, and I'm sick of it!" she replied.

"I give you your privacy, Maria! I tell you exactly what each new blog's going to be about!" argued Dolph.

"You just don't care about me, and I'm done with it." she replied, crossing her arms. "You don't even care enough about my privacy, that we have to come on national TV for you to tell me some secret which you could've told me at home?"

"Maria, tell me about this empty condom wrapper that you found." said Maury.

"Yeah, I was doing him a favor and cleaning out his car when I find the condom wrapper between the two front seats." she explained. "Now, what the hell is that?"

"OH!" they exclaimed.

"It's not mine, Maria. It's my friend Barney's!" replied Dolph.

The audience laughed.

"Sure, whatever." she said.

"Well, Maria, turns out that Dolph has a secret for you. Dolph, tell her the secret." he said.

"Yes, Dolph?" she asked, facing him.

"Well, Maria, since you never give me the time of day anymore, I cheated on you the day that you went to your friend's house." he confessed while she shook her head and the audience 'OOH'd' again.

"Why am I not surprised?" she scoffed, dragging her chair to the other side of the room.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-YEAH, girl!" the audience cheered.

"Come on, Ria, don't be like this!" Dolph cried. "Please, baby baby, please!

"Wait, Maria's not finished, because SHE has a few secrets for you, Dolph." he said while she smirked.

"Oh, DO YOU?" Dolph demanded. "Tell me!"

"Well, Dolph, Maria told our producers her secrets and she has them on tape. Let's look at the screen." he said.

On Camera: "Dolph, there are a few things that you should know. First, I cheated on you, too." Maria said.

"WHAT?" Dolph cried, shooting her a look.

"Second, the guy I cheated on you with was the guy who cut in front of you in the supermarket line and bought the last box of thin mints that YOU wanted, Jeff." she confessed.

"OOHH!" the audience hooted while Dolph was in a state of shock. "You WHAT?" he cried.

"And third, Jeff's here backstage right now." she finished when the screen cut off.

"OH!" they cried again.

"Oh, my god, Maria, HIM?" he demanded, standing up and facing her. "The guy who STOLE the thin mints that I had my eye on? REALLY?"

"Look, I already knew that you were cheating on me, and I did the same to you!" she exclaimed back.

"What, so you decided to sleep with my worst enemy for revenge?" he cried.

"No, Dolph, I've been best friends with him for years, and I am truly in love with him! I want to end this relationship and start a REAL one with Jeff!" she exclaimed.

"Ok, ok, calm down, you two. Dolph, sit down." Maury said while a security guard led him back to his seat.

"How the hell could you?" Dolph demanded to a screen showing Jeff backstage.

"I love her!" Jeff called back. "You did nothing for her, you do not deserve her!"

"Get your ass out here and I'll take care of you!" he called back.

"Dolph!" called Maury. "Sit down and stop yelling at the screen. Now, Jeff's here backstage, and let's see what he has to say about the situation."

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><p>On Camera: "For as long as I could remember, Dolph was a no good boyfriend ever since he and Maria got together, which was a huge mistake to begin with! I've seen him cheating on her with his co-workers! Maria is one of my best friends, she's been nothing but faithful to him, but after how he did her, he doesn't deserve her. Dolph, take a listen from me. Maria deserves respect. She deserves to be treated like the queen that she is, and she'll get all that from a real man. I'm there for Maria and I've always loved her. Too bad I couldn't say the same for you." Jeff finished.<p>

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><p>"Oh, my God, get him out here!" Dolph called, standing up.<p>

"Now, he sounds like a real stand up guy! Here's Jeff!" exclaimed Maury.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered as Hardy stormed onstage, shook Maury's hand, and approached Maria, wrapping her in a passionate kiss while the audience cheered.

"I love you." he told her.

"I love you, too." she replied before Dolph broke them apart. "Thank you for buying me those thin mints, by the way."

He smiled. "You're welcome." Then he turned to Dolph. "And YOU! You don't deserve her!" Jeff cried.

"How dare you do this to me, I had her first! Those were MY thin mints!" Dolph screamed as the two got in each other's faces and the audience went wild.

"I know that, but forget about the damn thin mints, this is about Maria. I SAW you cheat on her, I saw everything!" he cried while the security guards broke them apart. While they were screaming their heads off at one another, the censors of the show had to bleep out every other word that was called out. Because let's face it. Nobody cursed. They just love to make that annoying ass bleeping sound because that's what they do for their $4.33 an hour. Anyways, after that, Dolph took his seat on one side while Jeff took a seat next to Maria on the other side.

"Ok, nice meeting you, Jeff." began Maury.

"Nice meeting you." he replied.

"Now tell me, how long have you and Maria been seeing each other?" he asked.

"Well, for around two months, soon after she and Dolph got together." he replied.

"But he was seeing her first! Wouldn't you have any thought as to how he would feel about this?" he asked.

"I saw all the evidence when they were together! He never made her happy. He never put her needs before his own. He didn't give a damn about her privacy!" he cried.

"That was none of your damn business, Jeff, this was between Maria and I!" cried Dolph.

"No, Dolph, I've always loved Jeff, even when we were just best friends! But after putting up with you, I needed a real man and I've found that with Jeff!" Maria cried while the audience went, "WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"What, is he a better lover, too?" he demanded.

"Damn right he is! You and I never even had a love life, whenever I was feeling something, I'd go to Jeff and he'd satisfy me the right way." she replied while Jeff put an arm around her.

"WHOO!"

"Well, a crazy love triangle, I suppose. Turns out that Dolph wanted to know the real truth about Jeff and Jeff wanted to know the real truth about Dolph, so what do we do? We give them both lie detector tests to find out the truth!" Maury exclaimed.

"YAY-WHOO!"

"That's right, Maria, you'll be coming back to me after this." Dolph told her.

"No, I won't!" she snapped, crossing her arms.

"Let's just get to the results, Maury." Jeff replied.

"Let's do that." he replied while the audience whooped and cheered loudly.

_**The results are IN!**_

"Ok, let's begin with Jeff's lie detector test. Jeff, we asked you if you ever cheated on Maria during your relationship with her. You said no, the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he said while Jeff smiled and Maria clapped. "I knew it, I knew it!"

Dolph shook his head. "Just get to the next one!" he replied.

"We asked you if you thought that Maria was a good girlfriend. You said yes, the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he continued while Jeff and Maria smiled and shared a kiss.

"GET TO THE NEXT ONE." Dolph said, rocking back and forth in his chair.

"Jeff, we asked you if you could see yourself marrying Maria one day, you said yes, the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth."

"Aww, Jeff!" Delighted, Maria smiled, wrapping him in a hug.

"NEXT!" snapped Dolph.

"Finally, we asked you if you've had any sexual intercourse with anyone other than Maria, you said no. The lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he finished, while Jeff and Maria hugged and shared a passionate kiss.

"WHOO!" cheered the audience.

"Thank you!" Jeff called, looking towards Dolph.

"Jeff, I love you!" Maria exclaimed.

"I love you, too." he smiled.

"AWWWWWWW!"

"That lie detector test is FIXED! I DEMAND a retake!" Dolph exclaimed.

"Look, sit down, all right? I'm a better boyfriend than you could ever be and you need to accept that!" Jeff exclaimed.  
>"Guys, calm down, it's time to reveal the results of Dolph's test. Dolph, we asked you if you love Maria. You said yes, the lie detector determined, you're telling the truth." he said while Dolph shrugged.<p>

"Whatever! Whatever!" Maria replied. "Dolph doesn't really love me."

"We asked you if you cheated on Maria other than the time you already mentioned. You said no, the lie detector determined...that was a lie, you've cheated on her with 2 women more than 10 times." he replied while Maria looked shocked and the audience went, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"SEE? WHAT? WHAT?" Jeff exclaimed, pointing a finger towards him. "I TOLD YOU!"

"Oh, poo." Dolph muttered, crossing his arms and meekly rocking back and forth on the chair.

"We asked you if you cheated on Maria with one of the girls that you met on the internet. You said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie." he replied.

"Wow, you're a man-whore." Maria replied while Dolph shook his head.

"Now, that's not...entirely true." he said slowly.

"Finally, we asked you if the empty condom wrapper that Maria found came from a girl you cheated with. You said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie." he finished.

"BOOO!" the audience exclaimed as Dolph stormed backstage and Jeff hugged Maria while she smirked triumphantly.

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><p>During the break, backstage...<p>

"After this, man? Things will never be the same between us again." Dolph told Jeff.

"Look, you brought this onto yourself! I'm glad I came here and spared Maria all the hurt you were saving for her!" he replied. "If you hadn't started all this, we wouldn't even be on this show right now!"

"And you never treated me with the respect that I deserved, Dolph. That's why I chose Jeff, because he does." Maria agreed, grabbing Jeff's arm.

"You know what, I should just expose the two of you on my next video blog, I really should." he replied.

"You sure as hell won't. Just leave us alone, and we won't have a problem." Jeff replied before Dolph stormed off and the two kissed again.

_"Those were MY thin mints!"_ Dolph cried from down the hallway.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Stay tuned for segment number two! Tons more Superstars and Divas to come! Reviews would be great, please! <strong>_


	2. TNA: Velvet Sky, Alex Shelley, and ?

**_AN: Yay! Thanks so much to CrazyKidd99, 450AirBourne, kittypurry123, and MsSheerAwesomeness for their reviews! Onward to the next chapter._  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 - Velvet Sky, Alex Shelley, and ?... (<em>Velvet Returns! BUT...The Tables Are Turned This Time!)<em>**

Later...

It was time for the next segment of the show, with TNA's Velvet Sky onstage next to Maury.

"Ok, everyone, this is Velvet. Velvet has been on our show two times." he announced.

Silence.

"She came here before because the love of her life, Alex Shelley, revealed that he was cheating on her." he continued, and while a shot of Alex was shown backstage, the audience began their unanimous, "Ooooohhhhhhhh..."

The host continued, "And who was Alex cheating on her with? Her best friend, Angelina Love."

"OOOOOOOOHHHHH!" the crowd roared when a past picture of the platinum blonde was shown on the screen next.

The audience continued their jumble of an uproar when Maury continued, "In fact, Velvet's best friend Angelina, she was trying to have a BABY by Alex!"

Insert audience reaction here.

"But as heartbroken as Velvet was, she forgave Alex."

"_WHAT?"_ some angry chick cried from the bunch, mixed with the loud reaction of the crowd.

Velvet solemnly nodded. "I did." she confirmed.

"And today, Alex says that he's not cheating. In fact, he's excited that he and Velvet are expecting their first child together, BUUUT...Velvet is now hiding a secret from Alex!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd screamed obnoxiously and roared in anticipation. This was gonna be a fun 10 minutes.

"In fact, two secrets. (insert random BLEEP between every second word that he says. Seriously, why does the stage crew do that?) Take a look at Velvet's previous appearance on the show." the host segued into the past.

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><p><em>Flashback - <strong>April 29, 2007<strong>_

"Who do you think Alex is having sex with?" asked Maury, to an exasperated Velvet. This was back when she was hanging around with the Beautiful People. Don't wanna go there again.

"My best friend Angelina." she replied, to a HUGE negative reaction from the crowd. Backstage, Angelina Love was shown covering her face with her hand, faking a cry. In reality, she was tearing up because of the allergic reaction she had to the cologne that was rubbed off on her after she and that dude-never mind. Anyhoo...

"I really love Angelina, and I love Alex. I'm just so...hurt!" the blonde exclaimed.

_Angelina's confession: _"I AM sleeping with your boyfriend Alex!"

_When the three were settled onstage: _"No, no, NO, how could you do that to meeee?" Velvet cried, her voice getting higher and angrier towards Alex. When they were backstage, the verbal assault continued. "Why'd you bring me on TVAAAYYY, WHY COULDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS AT HOOOOMMMMEEE?" Velvet screeched in the Detroit native's face while he couldn't help but to stifle a laugh.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the Knockout screamed, stamping her feet in an immature fashion. Maury tried to calm her down, but even his 72 year old self didn't need this crap. Next, Velvet confronted Angelina. "Angiiiieee..." she groaned.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." the platinum blonde said flatly and unconvincingly.

"You want to sleep with someone, I could've hooked you up, I got plenty of men! (Wait, what?) Why'd you have to sleep with the one I'm in love with?" Velvet whimpered.

_A FEW MONTHS LATER - **November 11, 2007**_

"What's gonna happen if you find out that they're doing it again?" asked Maury.

"This is the last time, Maury, this is the last time." Velvet said surely.

"Oh, you really think so?" he asked, unsure.

"I know so!"

_Backstage Angelina Love confession: _"Since the last show, I've STILL been having sex with your boyfriend Alex." she revealed, with Alex awkwardly sitting beside her. He finally spoke up and added, "We had sex two times since we left the show. And it was HAWT! I mean, smokin, bangin' HAWT-"

She cut him off with a monotone, "Vel, _please _forgive me."

After the confession, Velvet was loudly squealing/screaming, tears running down her cheeks while her hands covered her face.

Maury, the helpful bastard that he was, took Velvet's sheer depression and vulnerability to his advantage and added even more drama! "Hey, they had something else to tell you!" he exclaimed.

She cried harder.

Angelina continued onscreen, "For the last two months, I have been trying to get PREGNANT by your boyfriend Alex."

The audience roared again as Velvet leapt up from her seat and faced the two backstabbers when they soon joined her onstage. She screamed at Alex, "You trying to have a baby by my FRIEND? This (BLEEP) has to STOP!" she snapped, lunging towards him when the security had to hold her back. "This is gonna stop!" Then, she faced Angelina. "Why did you do this to me AGAIN?"

She shrugged. "Sorry."

"The only way you're really sorry is that you forget about this guy." Maury told the unsympathetic friend.

Backstage, Velvet was unleashed. "Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! *pause* ...AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she let out a primal screech. "I'm TIRED OF THIS!"

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><p><em>Wow. Back to today...<em>

"...But you forgave him again!" exclaimed Maury, as she nodded along. "You took him back!"

"I did, Maury. I did, and it's because I love him!" Velvet exclaimed as the audience murmured in disagreement.

"Love him?" asked the host, while Alex was shown again backstage making sure that his mohawk was perfect and then making sexy poses for the camera because he's a badass like that.

"Yeah, what you guys don't understand, is that he's been great." the Knockout continued. "He changed, he really-"

Maury decided to RUDELY cut her off to save time. "He changed, he turned the page, he changed." he finished for her.

She gave him a look.

"NOW, you have to tell Alex a secret."

She sighed and twiddled her thumbs. "I know, Maury, I know."

"Oooooh..." the audience chimed in. Really, was that the only thing they were taught to say there?

"In fact, there are TWO secrets." added Maury.

"WHOOOOO!" everyone cheered, while at the same time, Velvet was making this weird hyperventilating/moaning noise.

"What's the first secret?" he asked.

"The first secret is, uh...that I had sex with Alex's friend." she confessed, to a rousing round of supportive cheers from the crowd. After she said that, Alex's partner in crime, Chris Sabin was shown backstage next. Maury gestured to the screen. "This guy right here? And he's his best friend?"

"Mm hmm." she nodded in agreement. "Very best friend."

"Ok, but let me ask you this. Was this one time?"

She shook her head in response. "No."

Then, there was another loud, continuous BLEEEP-ing sound mixed in with the reactions of the audience. She continued, "A few times, Maury. More than your old, decrepit age."

He shot her a disapproving look, but ignored that comment. "What's the second secret?"

"...I'm not really pregnant." she announced, to an even bigger response to the crowd. This one dude was so riled up that he was hopping up and down on the seat before he and the chair fell over. Over all the noise, Maury asked, "Alex thinks you're pregnant?"

She nodded.

"Wait a minute! Does Chris think you're pregnant?"

Her lip trembled. "...Yes..."

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone continued roaring. Wasn't this beginning to get a little old now?

Maury loved seeing her in pain and asked cheerfully, "He thinks you're pregnant with HIS baby? Alex thinks you're pregnant with HIS baby?"

"YES, DAMN IT!" she snapped. "STOP PRESSURING ME!"

He continued, "And you're not pregnant with either baby?"

She shook her head 'no'.

"So not only does Alex not know that Chris is the guy you've been messing with, he also thinks that you're pregnant with his baby, Chris thinks you're pregnant with HIS baby, you gotta tell EVERYBODY the truth today." he cleared things up for us.

Velvet let out a sob while the audience cried out a mix of 'DAMN!, WOW,' and 'WHOA!'

"Everybody, here's Alex. Alex, come on out." he announced. Then, the crowd cheered in Alex's favor once he arrived onstage and posed his 'Guns' sign to the audience and smiled. After shaking Maury's hand, he asked, "Hey, how ya doing, Maury?"

"Hey, good to see you!" he greeted back as Velvet stood up to face him. Shelley and Sky looked each other down before the host continued, "How you doing, Alex, sit down."

"Hey, dude, it's all good, thanks for asking." he smirked, taking a seat next to his girlfriend. "I am a happy boy."

"Except she's got a secret." he continued, waiting to make Alex angry. "How about that?"

"Uh...I dunno. Hey, before we leave, can I take that nice fruit basket that I saw in the green room home with me? I wanted to throw some apples at the Pommpets next door." he replied.

"...But you know, the good news is that Velvet said you're a changed man." the host announced.

The Detroit native paused for a moment and blinked. "...Uh, yeah."

The crowd applauded his sincere honesty.

"And you're gonna have a child! Excited about that?"

"Hells yeah! Now, at first, I was nowhere ready for parenthood and was about to bail to Mexico, but now I've realized that if I get to pass along my sexy genes to the next generation, I'm all for it. Can't wait." he nodded and smiled, as the crowd applauded again with a mix of, "Awww!'s" Alex smiled towards Velvet while she tearfully smiled back at him and held his hand.

Maury, of course, ruined the moment by saying, "Velvet, tell Alex why you brought him here."

She sighed. "Okay." Then, she approached her boyfriend and kneeled down in front of him. "You know that I love you, babe right? Well, I've been lying about some things, and I want you to be understanding about this, ok?"

He looked confused and nodded. "Vel, don't get on your knees here, save it for after the show..." he said in a whisper, with a devilish gleam in his eye.

"This is serious!" she snapped. "Now, um...I've...I've been having an affair."

Alex's smile faded and he gave her a wierded out look as if to say, 'WTF?'

Before she could continue, there was another BLEEP that blocked out some comment that Alex cried out, when he stood up. She stood up to face him again as she cried, "Wait, babe! Hear me out, seriously, Alex!"

"Hear her out now, Alex." Maury echoed.

The Detroit native whipped around and faced her. "What?"

"So like I said, I've been having an affair...and-and I've been sleeping with your best friend." she finished.

"OH!" the crowd roared, and as soon as Chris was shown backstage, Alex's eyes widened. "Oh, HIM?" he demanded angrily.

"I've been sleeping-" she began.

"You are a lying WHORE!" Alex snapped suddenly, headed backstage. Before he could, Velvet began full breakdown mode and begged him to stay. "Alex, Alex, please, PLEASE, I'm sorry, Alex!" she cried. "No, babe, listen to me, this is nothing that I planned, this is nothing that I planned-seriously, *voice cracks* _PLEASE _, please, Alex, I AM SORRY!" she whined, on her knees and grabbing his hand. The audience had a blast laughing at this desperate mess of a woman.

"Let me go!" Alex snapped.

"Seriously, SERIOUSLY, ALEX!" she begged. "Don't do this to me, Alex, please don't do this to me!"

"Hold up, she has something else to tell you!" Maury told Alex to add to the drama.

He sighed and decided to sit in Maury's special chair instead, AWAY from Velvet. "Un-freakin-real, man." he muttered.

"Now, this guy's here, Alex." Maury tried to pull him out of his special chair, but gave up. "We're gonna bring him out here."

Velvet approached him and grabbed his arm. "I'm sorry, I'm SORRY!"

"Leave me alone, whore!" he tugged himself away.

"Before Chris comes out here, he had a message to give to you." the host told Alex. "All right?"

"What the (BLEEP)'s goin on?" Shelley asked, confused, while the audience laughed.

* * *

><p><em>Backstage...<em>

Chris said, "Alex, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for sleeping with Velvet for the past four months. I just wanted to let you know that you and I are still buds for life, man, and I'm totally sorry. I know we've been best friends for the last 5 years and we've made our special calling as Detroit's own Motor City Machine Guns, but in all honesty, everything that you put Velvet through, it'll be hard for me to feel sorry for you with all the cheating that you've done in the past. *_some lady in the audience cheers, "That's RIGHT, sexy!"* _I know I said that it's hard for me to feel sorry for you, but you gotta realize who you have with you, man, you've got yourself a great woman. A woman that's taken care of you and stuck by your side. Alex, you have to realize what you have and take care of her."

* * *

><p>"Here he is, Chris, come on out." announced Maury.<p>

The crowd cheered again for the second member of MCMG as he came onstage and first shook Maury's hand. Next, he and Velvet shared a more-than friendly hug while Alex looked outraged. "What the HELL is wrong with you, dipwad?" he cried as Maury held him back.

"Oh, you (BLEEP) know what (BLEEP) you did- (BLEEP)-you're supposed (BLEEEEP) to be my best friend and you do this!" the Guns' voices overlapped.

"You wanna tussle, Sabin?" Alex demanded, in fighting stance.

"So you're gonna be like THAT, now? Please, dude, with all the wrong you've been doing, you've had this coming for a while! It's gonna go down back in the parking lot, buttmunch!" Chris snapped back. "Bring out a referee!"

Velvet continued crying.

"All right, everyone sit, sit, sit!" Maury instructed. Alex was in Maury's special chair, Velvet was a few feet away from him, Maury was in the seat next to hers, and Chris was on the opposite side of the stage.

"I'm sorry, Alex!" Velvet whined again, to no avail.

"Are you sorry for what you've done, Chris?" asked Maury.

"Of course I'm sorry. Alex is still my best friend and Velvet's one of my closest friends, too!" Sabin explained.

"I guess so!" Maury exclaimed.

"Well, hey, look at how bad Alex did her in the past, so Velvet needed some comforting and consoling, and I gave it to her!" he finished.

Alex leaned forward and called, "(BLEEEEP!)"

"OH!" the crowd exclaimed.

"You're crazy!" he continued.

Velvet continued sobbing and whimpering as Chris yelled back, "Hey, that's how it is, that's how it is!"

"WHOA!" the crowd cried.

"She's gonna be MY girl!" Sabin announced.

"WHOO!"

"Oh, my lord." Maury chuckled. He was loving every moment of this. "Well, I don't know if you want that or not, because guess what?"

Alex raised an eyebrow and smirked while watching Velvet cry, as Chris asked, "What?"

"Velvet's got a secret to tell you BOTH." he finished.

"OH!"

"Okay...um...this baby I'm carrying...I'm not carrying it." the Knockout announced, to the utter shock of Chris AND Alex. If you could see the expression on their faces, you'd laugh too.

"OHH!"

And right then and there, the once sweet and caring Chris was now replaced with him leaping up and yelling, "You lying bitch, you bring me up here and get me to embarrass my best friend here on TV! All that, and you're gonna have me spending money on-"

Alex chimed in on the bashfest alongside Chris, "I told you, you are nothing but TRASH! You lying, skunking, roach-(BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEP!)"

Velvet sobbed and sped backstage as the guys stormed after her with their berating words.

"Aw, HELL no..." Alex sighed.

"You're nothing but a HO!" Chris yelled, to another round of 'OH's' from the crowd. Alex snickered at this.

Meanwhile, Velvet was backstage while the guys' insults could still be heard.

"(BLEEEEP)-to take that, (BLEEP) your sorry ass-" Chris called while the blonde slipped off each of her shoes, angrily tossed them one by one towards a wall, hopped around and let out a piercing, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and furiously began pounding the wall, unleashing her fury.

"That's some messed up jizz, Vel!" Alex called.

"You don't treat people like that, Velvet!" added Chris.

Velvet continued screaming and angrily pounded a couch next, while the guys continued yelling, the audience whooped and cheered at this circus of a show, and Maury called, strangely sounding older than he already is, _"WHY ISN'T EVERYONE OUT HERE?"_

Chris and Alex joined her backstage to yell at her face to face. Sabin continued, "I was spending my hard earned money buying baby clothes, what, were you just wasting my time?"

She whipped around and snapped back, "I DIDN'T WASTE YOUR TIME! (BLEEP)"

He scoffed. "Waste of my time!"

"No, I TRIED to have your baby, I tried!" she cried huskily. "I'm SORRY!"

Alex and Chris's voices were overlapping again.

"A liar AND a cheater?" demanded Chris.

"A liar and a cheater, AND A CHEATER?" echoed Alex.

"AND you're gonna be embarrassing my bro on TV like that?" Chris added, furious.

Maury wrapped an arm around her shoulders while she cried, "Hey, HEY! Don't gang up on me! I'm sorry, Chris, I'm sorry!"

"Yeah, whatever." he muttered. "You have me spending money and crap like that, I-NAW!" he grunted in fury. He didn't know how else to put it. "You think I care about some ho? A HO?"

Velvet cried out, "(BLEEP)!"

"You know, Velvet, you might be better off without either one of em!" Maury finished off the segment with that sparkle of advice.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I love this chapter. And I have nothing against Velvet Sky, she's actually one of my favorites. But anyways, more coming up soon! Reviews would be great as always, please! <strong>_


	3. WWE: Melina & Dave Batista

_**AN: Thanks to EVERYONE for their reviews on the last chapter, you guys are awesome! Onward to the next chapter!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3 - Melina and Dave Batista <em>(OMG! It's A Case of He Said, She Said!)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage, sitting in the middle between an angry Melina and an equally angry Dave Batista.

"Everyone, this is Melina, and this is Melina's husband of one year, Dave. Melina is here because she thinks Dave is cheating."

"Oooooooooh..." murmured the crowd.

"Dave is here because he thinks Melina is cheating!"

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" they cried even louder.

"And we're gonna do something that we've never really done on the show before, we've given them BOTH lie detector tests!" he exclaimed.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Melina sneered towards Dave while he snorted back and coolly nodded his head.

Maury continued, "True TV! A Face Off! Listen to this..."

* * *

><p>Time for another backstage montage segment!<p>

"My name is Melina, I've been married for a year, and I'm here to find out if my husband Dave is cheating on me." she said.

"My name is Dave, I've been married to my wife Melina for one year, and I think she's cheating on me." he said.

"I love my husband Dave." she continued.

"I really love my wife Melina." he continued.

"But I KNOW he is cheating!" she cried.

"But I KNOW she's cheating on me." he huffed.

"Last month, I got a text message for my husband, and it said to meet up at 2:45. I know that text message was from the slut that he's cheating on me with." Melina continued.

"The text message? Yeah, right." Dave scoffed.

"He's accusing me because HE'S the one cheating on me!" she exclaimed.

"Look, my family owns two hot dog shacks. I used to work in one, and she used to work in another." Dave continued. "I saw her flirting with a coworker, and I saw her disappearing with him! Explain THAT!"

"There's cameras at the Family Hot Dog shack, and that's how I know my husband Dave is cheating on me with the coworkers, because he's always flirting with them and hanging out with them!" she cried. "We've only been married for one year. Sometimes I think we rushed into things."

"I'm NOT going to spend the rest of my life with a cheater!" Dave cried.

"I just want this to end!" Melina cried.

"And if she's cheating..." he began.

"And if he's cheating..." she began.

Both: "I'M LEAVING!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.

"Wow." began Maury. "You got married a year ago."

The Diva nodded.

"How can you be in this mess?"

She shrugged and replied, "Because of my husband."

"Really?"

"Cause of me? (BLEEP)" Dave muttered, rolling his eyes.

"First of all, you admit something." announced the host. "You kissed a girl, twice."

"Yeah." he agreed.

A round of 'OOH's!' from the crowd.

"TWO different girls!" added Melina.

"You kissed one girl once and another girl once, right?" asked Maury. (DUH, Povich!)

Before Dave could answer, Melina cut in, "No, one girl TWICE and another girl THREE times!"

A louder round of 'OH's!' from the crowd.

"Now how about the text message? What did you do when you found it?" asked the host.

"I received the text message by mistake. I know it wasn't for me. It was for the slut that he's cheating on me with." she explained.

"Well then, you went to the phone company, what'd you do?" he asked.

"I called the phone company to track the message to see where the call came from." she continued.

"Reeeeally?" Maury asked in a high pitched voice. "You did that?"

"Yeah!" she nodded as the crowd clapped for her and Dave just sat there with a smirk on his face.

"All right, did he disappear at night?" he asked.

"Not really. But one time I got the text message saying to his boss 'if I could get paid early and leave early from work at 8:30 because I have a date.'" she remembered.

"OH!" everyone cried as Dave said absolutely nothing and smiled.

"I got the message twice!" the Diva cried.

"So, did you really (insert random BLEEEEEEEEP here) investigate?" asked Maury.

"Yeah, after work! When he left at 8:30, he called me and said, 'baby, listen, I'm gonna stay at work, because I'm gonna help out my boss', and I'm like, 'Ok! That's fine because I already got the message.' I know he's lying." she explained.

"So you drove down there?" asked the host.

"Yep! I went there, and he WASN'T there!" she exclaimed.

"Aw, I didn't do anything that night, stop lying." Dave finally spoke up.

"OHHH!" everyone else exclaimed. (BLEEP!)

"Why do you think she's cheating?" Maury asked Dave.

"Can I-Can I tell my side of the story, please?" he demanded. "She thinks I've been cheating on her for the past two months! And she and I haven't had sex in months, either!"

"Cause you're cheating! Who wants to have sex with a cheater?" Melina snapped back as the audience cheered in her favor.

"Oh! I thought you didn't want to have sex with me because you were having sex with somebody else." the Animal said, cocking his head to the side.

"Whatever." the Latina muttered.

"It's TRUE!" he cried.

"There's a lot of miscommunication here!" announced Maury.

"A LOT of miscommunication." Dave agreed.

"Well guess what? We got the lie detector results right here!" he exclaimed.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

_**The results are IN!**_

"Cheater..." Dave muttered towards Melina.

"Oh, shut up!" she snapped back.

"Well that's it, you're accusing her of the same thing that she's accusing you of!" exclaimed the host.

"He was definitely up to something if he got back at 12:00 midnight..." the Diva explained.

"OH!"

"Stop LYING, Melina!-No, you know what you did-(BLEEP!)-YOU need to get your facts straight-No, YOU listen to ME-(BLEEP!)-cheated on me with a prostitute!" the two screamed over one another while the audience cheered along.

"All right, ALL RIGHT!" cried Maury. "So we're gonna reveal the results to the both of you in two categories. The first category's 'Love & Regret'. We asked both of you if you loved each other. Both of you said yes. That's the truth."

"AWW!" the audience cried, applauding, as Dave smirked at the same time Melina did.

"We asked both of you if you're attracted to one another. Both of you said yes. That's the truth."

"YAY!" the crowd continued.

"We asked both of you if you thought you were better looking than each other..." began Maury.

The audience, including Dave and Melina laughed at this.

"Melina said no, she's not better looking and that was the truth. Dave said no, he's not better looking and that was a LIE." he revealed.

"OOOOOOOOOOOH!" the crowd whooped in surprise.

The Superstar let out a chuckle while Melina raised her eyebrows in surprise, too. "Oh, really? Ok, ok." she nodded.

"That's terrible!" Maury exclaimed, smiling. The audience laughed again. "We asked, since you've been married, are you bored with your sex life? Melina said no. That was the truth. Dave ADMITTED, yes, he's bored."

"OH!" everyone cried out.

"Heh." the Superstar chuckled again.

"It's not funny!" Melina called back.

"Ok, Category two, 'Newlywed Cheating'. We asked, since you got married, are either of you looking to have an affair. Melina said no, she was telling the truth. Dave said no, and that was a LIE!" he announced, to another round of 'OH's!' from the audience.

Melina smiled wickedly, knowing that her accusations were right. Meanwhile, Dave sat there, chuckling his ass off.

The Diva called to him, "(BLEEEEEEP!)"

"OH!"

"Of course, if I didn't have sex for two months, of course I'd be looking for an affair, what do you want me to do?" Dave confessed.

"Sex for (BLEEP), you were probably looking for prostitutes!" Melina called back.

"OOHH!"

"Ok, we asked if either of you if you could have an affair and not get caught, would you? Melina said no, she was telling the truth." Maury continued.

The audience cheered for her.

"Dave ADMITTED, he would have an affair if he wouldn't get caught." he finished.

"Ahahaha..." Melina snickered, shaking her head.

"We asked Melina, have you cheated on Dave at all since you were married. You said no...the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth." he went on.

"WHOO!"

"See? Told ya!" the Diva exclaimed. "You better kneel down, kiss my feet, and apologize!"

"We asked you, Dave, if you were keeping a secret that could destroy your marriage. You said no, the lie detector determined, that's a lie."

"OH!"

"Dave we asked you, are you cheating on Melina OTHER than the two times you admitted to kissing the girls. You said no. That was a lie, you've cheated over 25 times and-!"

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd whooped, and Melina finally grew furious, cut Maury off and sprinted towards Dave, trying to attack him there! Two security guards rushed to the scene and had to pry her off of him.

"WHAT?" she screamed. "25 times, (BLEEEEP!)"

Dave was shocked at this too, and stood up while a few guards had to hold him back, too. "NO! That's a LIE, that's a LIE!" he shouted.

"25 TIMES? 25 TIMES?" she screamed.

Dave pointed towards Maury and repeated. "THAT'S A LIE, THAT'S A LIE, A CLASS A LIE!" he yelled defensively.

This was getting hilarious. Melina kept screaming and pointing towards Dave on the other side of the room, as Dave continued repeating the phrase, 'That's a lie!' for another 2 minutes straight.

"NO! Nonononononono!" the Animal shook his head, as all chaos was breaking out onstage. "I want a damn recount, take this test somewhere else!"

"SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN!" some guards cried.

"SCREW YOU!" Melina screamed across the stage.

"I AIN'T CHEATIN'!" Dave screamed back.

"It's OVER, damn it, it's OVER-(BLEEP!)-DON'T you walk away from me! (BLEEP) (BLEEP!)" overlapping voices of the couple cried.

Meanwhile, through all this mess, Maury just patiently sat there. "Dave, Dave!"

Melina angrily stormed backstage as Dave kept screaming for about the 30,000th time, "Hey, you get back here, IT'S A **LIE**!"

Backstage, the drama wasn't over. Dave followed his wife backstage as their arguing voices continued to overlap...

"Whatever, whatever..." she called.

"...didn't have sex!" Dave shouted.

"SHUT UP!" she screamed back. "You're a CHEATER!"

They approached one another. "You're outta here...oh now you're running, you wuss?" she asked him. "Why you running?"

"I'm NOT running!"

"Get over here, I want to hear the rest of the results NOW!" she exclaimed, dragging him back onstage. The crowd welcomed Dave with a rousing chorus of boos.

"Fine, I guess we're hearin' the rest!" he agreed.

A few minutes after they took their seats...

"All right, all right, I wanna ask this question!" Maury exclaimed. "Ok, we asked you if you ever had any sexual intercourse with one of your coworkers, you said no, and the lie detector determined, THAT was a lie."

"OOH!"

"(BLEEEEEP!)" shouted Melina.

"Ok, you know what, screw this bull. I am going to take this test somewhere else." Dave announced.

The audience laughed at him as Melina turned away and muttered, "No, you're not."

"Hey, we'll give you the test again! Any legitimate place..." began Maury.

"Aw I'm gonna go and take the test down at the clinic!" Dave exclaimed.

"I think we've had enough! We'll be back right after this!" he finished.

_**After the show...**_

The show's psychiatrist, John Morrison (nobody really knew how he'd become the psychiatrist, but he was there anyway) had the two backstage in the green room, trying to provide some wisdom to the doomed couple.

"Now, what do you think caused all this?" he asked. "Why do you think the results came out that way?"

"Cause, pretty boy! The phone calls, uh,-" Dave began.

"Ok, let's assume you didn't screw with any other chicks." Morrison continued. "But did you have SOME kind of sexual contact? Something else that didn't involve the bedroom mambo?"

"I uh, touched a boob." Dave announced.

Melina glared at the Animal while John raised an eyebrow. "Ok, then...Look, you're in front of this wonderful, beautiful woman right now."

Melina flashed him a bright smile. "Aww!"

"You gotta tell her the truth." he continued, before quickly winking at her.

"Yeah, tell me the truth cause I should (BLEEP)ing slap you right now." Melina agreed, looking at her 'husband' Dave.

A few minutes later...

"Ok, so he's admitting that yes, he was sexually inappropriate." John announced.

"LIES!" Dave cried.

"What lie, you just admitted it, you douche!" Melina snapped back.

"Listen, listen, listen!" Morrison cried.

Ralph, the lie detector guy was there, too. "Ok, so do you admit that you kissed that girl more than three times?" he asked.

"...Yeah." the Superstar muttered.

Melina slapped him HARD across the face! "You're a DOUCHE!" she screamed, before all hell could break loose.

_**Melina and Dave had to be separated...**_

Dave was in the room with John. "Ok, now, you're gonna have to give her space..." Morrison began. "...to deal with this."

Melina popped back in. "No, to me, this is over!" she replied. "When I go home, he's packing his things, he's outta my house, I don't wanna (BLEEP) with you anymore, I'm dead serious."

"Aw, come on, baby, you're just bluffing!" Dave exclaimed. "You need me!"

"Hey, I am the doctor here, and I'm telling you to give her some space..." Morrison repeated. "So that I can take her home with me."

Dave's eyes bugged out. "WHAT? But she's MY wife!"

"Too friggin bad, you had your chance. I'm moving on." Melina smiled, taking John's arm. "Your place or mine?"

"The Palace of Wisdom, baby." JoMo smiled, giving her a kiss and leading her out of the room, with just Dave and Ralph The Lie Detector Guy left in the room.

Ralph looked Dave down and smiled. "Nice biceps. Can I touch them?"

Dave made a face and looked back at him. "Go have your wet dream with me not in the room, ok?" he said before leaving.

Maury VO: "So what happened to Melina and Dave? We spoke to Melina and she revealed that she's decided to leave Dave for our psychiatrist, John Morrison, and she and Dave are filing for divorce. Dave was also forced to get a restraining order from Ralph, our lie detector guy. Cause heaven knows that Ralph hasn't had any since 1991. You all know what I mean."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Hope you liked it, and stay tuned for even MORE drama! Reviews are always welcome, please! <em>**


	4. TNA: ODB & Eric Young

_**AN: Thanks for the reviews in the last chapter, you guys! Onward to the next chapter!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4 - ODB and Eric Young <em>('We're Two Kids In Love, Damn it!')<em>**

Later, Maury was onstage with TNA's own ODB as his next guest...

"Everyone, this is ODB. Three years ago, ODB divorced her husband of eight years, because she THOUGHT she'd found her soulmate in this man, *screen reveals Eric Young backstage, waving* Eric." the host announced. "But now tragically, ODB fears, she's headed for another heartbreak. Y'see, she suspects-no, actually, she believes, that Eric is secretly sleeping with other women!"

No audience reaction! Shocker!

"Because, not only did she find another woman's panties in her house..."

"OOOOOOH!" cried the audience.

"...but while she was in the hospital for over a MONTH..."

"OOOOHHH!"

"...she suspects Eric had a THREESOME-" He was cut off while the audience reacted even louder to this. "-while she was there."

Backstage, EY was shown combing his beard while ODB explained, "I was in the goddamned hospital for 36 days for accidentally shootin' myself in the foot!"

"WHOA!" the crowd exclaimed.

"How did you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot?" asked Maury.

"I thought that Eric was heading out to cheat on me, so I was shootin' towards him to steer him straight and keep him home with me, but I missed and the bullet ricocheted and got me in the foot." she explained, taking a swig of her liquor from her trusty flask. "And while I was in that damned hospital, he only visited me ONE time! *audience 'AWW'* He sent me ONE letter-"

Maury cut her off. "This is your fiancée?"

"Isn't that what I said, MoPo? And then, I'm hearing through my sister - see, we have mutual friends that he had to go stay with, and she told me that he had slept with THEM!"

"OH!"

"And then he'd gone and slept with her (BLEEEEP!), they were at the parking lot of Wal Mart partying, *audience laughs* having fun-"

He cut her off again. "But this is your soulmate!"

"I damn well know this, MoPo!" she exclaimed.

"So where'd the idea of a threesome come up?" he asked.

"Their (BLEEEEEEEEP), and, and-"

He cut her off AGAIN! "Whoa, whoa! He had a threesome-(BLEEEEEEEP!)"

"I ain't sure, I don't know. Probably did." the Knockout muttered, taking a swig of her liquor again and belching. "Excuse me."

Maury gave her a look and continued, "What'd you find in the laundry?"

"A pair of dirty drawers that are WAY too small to be mine." she shook her head.

"OH!"

"Did you show em to him?" asked the host.

"I showed them to him, he said they were my mama's!" she cried. "Do you believe that bull crap?"

"OOOOH!" the crowd exclaimed. Some chick laughed.

"Your mother's?" Maury asked with an amused smile.

"My MAMA's!" she echoed.

"But then, he disappears at night, doesn't he?" he asked.

"Yeah at night, he goes jogging for 3 hours, about 10:00 at night!" she snapped.

Maury was laughing along with the audience.

"Who the hell goes jogging for 3 hours at night time? Get with it, the Bradys are right down the road, go there, get your 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' and come right back home and say to me, 'I LHUUUVE yooou!'" she cried, half drunk. "Ridiculous!"

The audience whooped with laughter and applauded at this.

"So, you don't think he really wants to marry you." the host continued.

She belched again. "Tell you the truth, MoPo, I don't know. He better be ready to marry me cause after our first tag team match together, he's been chasing after ME like a dog without it's bone. If he backs out of this, I'm gonna kick his scrawny ASS!" she cried.

"WHOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered.

"What happens if he fails his test?" asked Maury.

"He's gonna pack his bags, get the hell out of my house, and like I said, I'll give him a good ass whuppin down to the bus stop!" she exclaimed, as the crowd cheered in approval. "I'm too good for that, too good!"

"Now, we gave Eric a lie detector test, all right? Here's what Eric had to say before the show."

* * *

><p>EY was shown in one of those cheesy backstage segments. He said, "Everytime I turn around, ODB's always accusing me of cheatin' and I'm not. In fact, ODB's breaking my heart by thinking that I'm doing this to her. She said that I had cheated on her with two of her friends while she was in the hospital, and I did NOT! When she found pictures of chicks in my bag, I told her over and over again, these are NOT girls I was cheatin' with! They're just my cousins! ODB swore she found a sex stain on my shirt! I don't know what it was, but it's not from a woman and I did not cheat on her! We're two kids in love, damn it! I'm here today to prove my innocence, move on forward, and put this behind us so we can have our fairytale wedding!"<p>

* * *

><p>"Ok, I want to believe him! Here's Eric. Eric, come on out!" announced Maury.<p>

EY ran downstairs in his wrestling attire, actually. His arms were in the air and he grappled Maury for a moment when he approached him, and then ran a victory lap across the stage before the stagehands had to calm him down and lead him into his seat. The crowd was in a mix between boos and laughter, as ODB cried, "Sit your happy ass down, ya moron!"

So onstage, Maury was sitting in between the dysfunctional couple. He asked, "You never did threesomes?"

"No, sir! I'm a good boy." Eric said surely.

"Well, why didn't you visit your fiancée more than one time?"

"Because when she was in the hospital, Maury, it really hurt me emotionally and physically! I felt a...tug at my heart knowing that she was probably given sponge baths by strange men in there!" he exclaimed, but the crowd wasn't buying it.

"Oh please, I was shot in the foot, I didn't have any guys giving me sponge baths. If you was so worried, why wasn't you there?" ODB demanded.

"Honeybuns, you don't understand!" he cried.

"I needed ya!" she snapped back. "I couldn't reach that damned remote to change the channel!"

"Sugarcakes, I KNOW you needed me, but-but I figured it was better..." he trailed off.

"Better for WHAT? Better for you to be gone while I'm trapped there?" she cried.

"There was nothing that I could've done for you, that's what the doctors are for, baby!" he made yet another excuse.

"38 days!" she snapped again.

"OOOOHHHHHHH!" the crowd cried in disapproval.

"I thought it was 36." said Maury.

"Aw, I'm too drunk to care." she muttered.

"So he doesn't like hospitals!" he told her.

"I don't buy that crap excuse! You're supposed to stand by your woman! He wasn't there!" she exclaimed as the crowd cheered in her favor again.

Maury changed the subject. "What were the small pair of panties doing in the laundry?" he asked.

"Well, I had roommates, Maury, and-and sometimes laundry gets mixed up!" EY tried to explain.

ODB took another swig of her drink, belched, and cried, "BULL CRAP!"

"Aw come on, give me the benefit of the doubt, I DID NOT cheat on you!" he pleaded. "We're supposed to be two kids in love!"

"What about the bite marks?" asked Maury.

"That was because of me and her. We were nibbling and she just went all feisty on me, just how I like it!" he cried excitedly. "She just doesn't remember it!"

"So we know that you wanted to find out the truth." began Maury.

"Yeah, so what?" muttered ODB.

"Well, we did, but we went ONE step further. Because we have our special ops expert, Dave Vittali (that sexy muscled dude who was sitting in the crowd), and he put Eric in the green room with a sexy female decoy..." he finished.

This was gonna be fun. "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd exclaimed, as Eric looked around and nervously shifted in his seat. "Can I like, take a bathroom break or something?" he asked.

He continued, "...that we caught on camera, and this is what went down, take a look."

* * *

><p>-Hidden Camera-<p>

EY and this blonde chick were in a back room, when she asked, "Where you going?"

He replied, "I pace around when I'm nervous."

Later...

He let her stroke his beard while she said, "Oh now I see what you're talking about!"

Later...

"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet! So...you wanna see it?" he asked.

**OMG! He EXPOSES himself!** This part was not aired for obvious reasons.

* * *

><p>After the tape finished, the crowd cried out in disapproval, and then began sending their boos towards Eric.<p>

ODB dropped her flask and gave him a shocked look. "You SORRY (BLEEEEEEEEEEEP!) I'M GONNA KILL YA!" she screamed, leaping up and charging towards him, and the crowd cheered and laughed once Eric got terrified, and ran for his life by speeding back upstairs and backstage. She WAS strong enough to possibly kill him, after all. "'Ey, 'EY! You wanna butt full of FOOT?" she screamed after him, as three security guards had to hold her back.

"ODB, calm down!" cried Maury.

"How dare you, ya sonuva bitch? TASTE MY FURY!" she cried, whipping out her trusty shotgun (the same one that she accidentally shot herself in the foot with) and heading up the stairs.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered, but the security guards snatched away her gun and Maury led her back to her seat. "You need to settle down, all right?"

"NO! STOP IT! IT'S OVER!" she shouted to nobody in particular.

"You don't want to hear the results of the lie detector test?" he asked, as Eric was shown backstage on the monitor, huddled on the couch with his back facing the camera.

"WHY? Why did you do this to me? Three years! THREE YEARS, you sorry ch-CHUMP!" she called to Eric, picking up her flask and drinking some more. "You shouldn't piss off a drunk woman, baby!"

"Do you want the-" began Maury.

"Gimme the damn results, MoPo!" she cut him off. "Give em to me right now!"

"Well, we better have him out here, too. Eric!" called Maury.

He slowly and reluctantly arrived onstage again as the crowd began booing him again. "She's gonna eat me!" he whined.

"I gave my husband up for you!" she shouted at him. "And he was 10 times the man you are, BUB! I gave my DOG up for you! WHY did you do that to me?"

"Sugarlumps-" began Eric.

"WHY?"

Maury covered his ears from the drunken screaming for a moment, but then said, "Guess what, we're gonna find out now, let's go!" he announced.

_**The results are IN!**_

The crowd whooped and cheered.

"We asked you, if you ever cheated on ODB in the last 2 years of your relationship. You said no, the lie detector determined...that was a lie, you've cheated with more than 10 women!" he announced.

"OOOOOOOOHHH!" cried the audience.

ODB's eyes grew wide and as a reply, she took another swig of her liquor. She needed to get plastered when hearing all this.

Maury continued, "You were asked if you cheated on ODB with one of her friends while she was at the hospital. You said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie, you had a threesome with those three girls more than one time."

"OOOOOOOOHHHH!"

ODB growled and took another swig.

"We asked you if the small pair of women's panties ODB found belonged to a girl you cheated on ODB with, you said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie." he continued.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

Eric just twiddled his thumbs and stayed quiet, while ODB shook her head, took another swig of her liquor, and tossed the empty flask, which hit him on the head.

"OW!" he cried.

She leapt up again. "You can get your goddamned bags and get the hell up outta my house, cause you ain't staying with me anymore, that is IT! Go back to your daddy's! GO ON BACK TO YOUR DADDY'S!" she screamed, whipping out her gun again while the guards had to hold her down and snatch it away.

"I can't go back to my daddy's! He kicked me out for shaving his cat!" Eric cried.

"GET GONE!" she screamed.

"AAH!" he squealed, sprinting back upstairs and backstage again.

The crowd cheered in her favor again as she angrily stormed offstage in the opposite direction.

* * *

><p>During the break...<p>

"I gave up my damn dog for that WIMP and he cheated on ME?" she shouted backstage to the camera guy. "I should've done that to HIM!"

A little later, ODB was still hell bent on finding Eric.

She ran down the halls while one of the stagehands tried to stop her. "ODB! ODB, stop! ODB!" she shouted after her, when she began running down the hall.

"Get offa my damn back, bitch!" she slurred back.

"ODB, ODB, ODB, ODB!" she repeated, chasing her down the corridors.

She ignored the stagehand and finally found Eric.

"NO, no, don't kill me, I'm sorry!" he pleaded. "You're STILL my loving Honeylumps!"

"Honeylumps, my ass! WHY did you do that to me?" she demanded. "I'MA KILL YOU!"

"I-I'm just a MAN, damn it!" Eric cried, before stepping in a room and slamming the door in her face.

"Well, you can just go on back to your daddy's cause you ain't seeing *slaps her jugs* THESE babies no more! BAM!" she cried.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Oh, how I love this chapter dearly. Stay tuned for MORE drama! And as always, reviews are greatly appreciated! <em>**


	5. WWE: Kelly Kelly!

**_AN: Thanks for the last round of reviews on the last chapter, you guys! Onward to the next one._**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5 - Kelly Kelly! <em>(A Former Stripper Tests Five Different Men To See Who's The Baby Daddy.)<em>**

Later...

Maury was now onstage with WWE's own Kelly Kelly. Get ready for this one, folks.

"Everyone, this is Kelly. Welcome Kelly to the show!" announced Maury.

"WHOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered as the blonde smiled and waved to everyone.

"Now, behind that pretty, innocent face (random BLEEP!), is a story that is tragic and shocking." he continued.

"Oooooh..." they murmured.

"Y'see, at 24 years old, Kelly is the mother of two kids." he said as the audience went 'WHOA!' and pictures of two cute little kids were shown on the monitor. "Two year old Scott, one year old Serena."

"Aww!"

"Now, being a young mother is hard enough, but Kelly admits she has NO idea who fathered her children." he announced.

The audience had a mix of shocked and disgusted looks as they cried, "OH!, WOW!, WHAT?"

"Get this: Kelly claims that there are 10 possible fathers!-" he was cut off to an even louder reaction from the audience.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!"

The blonde nervously shifted in her seat and twirled a strand of her hair.

"And 5 of the 10 are here today!" Maury tried to finish, but was cut off with another round of 'OOH's!' from the crowd, once WWE's Cody Rhodes, Ted Dibiase, TNA's Robert Roode, James Storm, and WWE's John Cena were all shown backstage sitting (or posing, I dunno) together. They kind of looked like the Partridge Family.

"...and we've given them ALL DNA tests! Before we hear about that, you have to understand about the hardships that have led Kelly to this point in her young life, watch." he finished.

* * *

><p>Onscreen...<p>

Maury VO: "24 years old. Two kids. And at least ten possible men who could be their fathers."

-Cut to one of those cheesy outside street montages-

"People just don't understand how hard I've had it in the past few years! When I first debuted in the WWE, I was brought to ECW as a STRIPPER! At age 19, A STRIPPER! I couldn't help but to have guys obsessing over me and my body! And ever since then, people see me for not only having little to no wrestling ability, they only want me for my Barbie Doll good looks!" Kelly exclaimed.

Maury VO: "Struggling to raise two kids by herself, Kelly says that she would do absolutely ANYTHING to provide for her children."

The Diva continued, "Now I admit, I was, and still am a heavy partier, and that one night, I may have had a few drinks and stumbled into one too many hotel rooms. But that does NOT make me a horrible person! I'm 24 now, have two beautiful kids, and today I tested five guys to see who their father is. Those guys were Cody, Ted, Robert, James, and John. And if there's anybody else (Probably is.), I don't know where they're at. Maybe they fled to another state or something."

Awkward pause.

"Sooo...I need help." she continued.

Maury VO: "Terrified her kids might suffer the same horrible fate, Kelly says, she's DESPERATE to find their father(s).

The blonde added, "Everytime I look at my little ones, I just wish I'd done so much better for them. I don't want them to grow up to become whores, prostitutes, or anything to remind them of what I almost was. I am NOT gonna stop until I find their father!"

* * *

><p>After the video, the audience applauded and condoned this behavior. Sadly.<p>

"WHOOOOOO!"

"Ten possible fathers?" Maury asked, surprised.

"Yeah. Look, I was heartbroken, all right? Because at one point, I was with John Cena for four years, and he was going to propose to me! But the month before our wedding, he broke up with me and THEN had the nerve to get married to someone else 15 minutes after!" she exclaimed, upset.

A voice in the crowd cried, "NO! He got married to me FOURTEEN minutes after!"

The voice belonged to Torrie Wilson, who was Cena's current wife and was sitting right in the front row. "Get it right! GET IT RIGHT!" she shouted as the audience booed around her. "Get it right! GET. IT. RIGHT!"

"Oh, sit your ass down, bitch!" Kelly snapped back.

"Yeah, so that is Torrie, John's wife." Maury announced.

"YEAH!" she shouted, standing back up. "I'm his wife! I'M THE BLONDE THAT HE LOVES!"

"BOO!" the crowd cried.

"Okay, now you believe that John might be the father of Scott, right?" asked the host.

"Definitely. I wasn't screwing around with anyone else but him at the time, and he was with me when I was five months pregnant." Kelly agreed.

"But why are these other guys here?"

"To find out which one of them fathered my daughter." she replied.

"And not only that, but aside from these five, there are ANOTHER five!" he cried, just to make her feel worse. Aw, Povich, you helpful bastard.

"YES! I mean, and-and," she began stuttering. "And yeah, there actually might be more that I slept with, but I don't remember!" she said quickly.

"OH!" the crowd cried, disgusted.

Kelly stopped talking and had to turn her head in shame from the audience.

"BOOOOOOOOO!"

"DON'T JUDGE ME!" she cried. "Listen, I was horny back then, I couldn't help it!"

"Ok, so you are positive that John is the father of Scott." Maury clarified.

"Yes."

"Neh!" Torrie called from the crowd.

"Now, could John be the father of Serena?"

"I hope so." the blonde shrugged. "Might be James, or Robert, or Cody, or Ted...uh..."

"Do you even know who the father is of your daughter?" he asked.

"Yeah, I really don't know." she admitted.

"Well, let's see the two kids." the host announced, as pictures of the children, along with the five guys were shown on the monitor.

"Hmm. Yeah, I think John looks like both of those babies!" she concluded.

"Now, these five guys are all related, right?" asked the host. (Let's pretend that John, Cody, Ted, Robert, and James were all cousins, ok?)

"WHOA!" the crowd cried in shock.

"Heh heh." Kelly giggled.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they began to turn on her.

"NO, THEY hurt me badly, all right, people? I took care of my kids, I worked as a STRIPPER at age 19, and I have gone through the STRUGGLE-" she tried to explain and justify herself.

"YOU are a WHORE!" Torrie screamed from the crowd.

"YOU shut the hell up, bitch!" Kelly snapped back. "Shut the hell up right now before I come down there and kick your ass!"

"Oh, you've been 'cumming (coming)' for each guy in the locker room!" Torrie cried back.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" the audience hooted. CATFIGHT!

"YOU'RE A (BLEEEEEP!) YOU'RE A (BLEEEEEEEP!)" the former Diva continued to scream, while Kelly rolled her eyes. "John is MY man!"

"Sit your skinny ass down!" Kelly screeched. "I have TWO kids, TWO!"

"That's because you don't know how to keep your damn legs closed!" Torrie snapped.

"OOOOOOHHHH!"

"NO! That's because YOU had to start your meddling in MY life, bitch!" K2 screamed. "This is NONE of your business!"

"John is MINE!" Torrie yelled back.

"BUT! BUT!" began Kelly.

"MY HUSBAND!" she continued.

"You know what, he wasn't your husband when HE was sleeping with me, he wasn't your husband when he was making these kids with ME!" Kelly argued back.

"Well he is NOW!" Torrie replied. "YEAH!"

"Oh yeah? Oh YEAH?" Kelly cried.

"YEAH!"

Maury had to end this crap once and for all. "OKAY! This is what these five guys had to say."

* * *

><p>-Cue another street montage, with the guys standing or posing near some library stairs-<p>

Maury VO: "Cody. Ted. Robert. James. John. Five men, ALL here to find out if they're the father of the same two kids."

John said, "I've been with Kelly for four years, and I could possibly be the father of both of her kids."

Cody added, "I'm John's cousin, and I could possibly be the father of her two kids."

Ted added, "I'm John and Cody's cousin, and I may be the father of Kelly's daughter Serena."

Robert added, "I'm John, Cody, and Ted's cousin, and I may be the father of Serena."

James finished, "I'm John, Cody, Ted, AND Robert's cousin, and I may be the father of Serena."

Maury VO: "Although all five men understand that there's a chance that they could be the father, they also have lots of reasons to doubt it."

John said, "I was in a relationship with Kelly for four years, and I had to split up with her when I found out that she was cheating on me with my cousins!"

"Well, we were at a party one night and I got drunk. When I woke up, Kelly was right there next to me." Robert added. "Now, I end up here!"

Maury VO: "These men agreed, that Kelly has indeed made some bad choices. They also agree, that the well being of Kelly's two children, are what's most important."

Ted said, "I hope she finds the father, but I know it's not me! I'm too rich for this, damn it!"

James finished, "We need to get the hell out of this situation. IT'S A MESS!"

* * *

><p>Maury announced, "All right! Everybody welcome, Cody, Ted, Robert, James, and John!"<p>

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered as the five Superstars headed downstairs and took their seats next to Kelly.

"John, did I hear something right? You WANT to be the father of these kids?" asked the host.

He sat next to her. "Damn right, I do. I WILL be there for em, I will ALWAYS be there for those kids!" he announced as the crowd drowned him in cheers. "They may have denied them, but I never denied these kids!"

"Do you THINK that you're the father of these kids?" asked Maury.

Cena shrugged. "I don't know, Maury. We're here to find out, aren't we?"

Kelly mindlessly kept twirling her hair around her finger.

"Next, Cody, you'd rather be somewhere else right now, don't you?" he asked.

He smiled and grinned, quickly nodding his head. "OH yeah! Yeah." he agreed.

"You think you could possibly be the father of Serena?"

"Possibly. But hell, I doubt it...Anyone got a mirror so I can stare at myself?" Rhodes asked.

"Ted?" asked Maury. "Could you be the father of both or one?"

"No, I think there's a possibility that I'm the father of Serena." he replied. "But I doubt it, too."

"James?" asked Maury. "You could be the father of both!"

The cowboy shrugged. "There might be a possibility, yeah."

The audience groaned at how much of a mess Kelly began.

She smirked.

"Ok, and Robert?" asked Maury. "Think the little girl is yours?"

Roode paused. "...No."

"Think the little boy is yours?" he asked.

He paused again. "...No." he said flatly.

Everyone laughed. "WHOO!"

"Is there anything anyone wants to say before I read the results?" asked the host. "Because the worst that could happen right now, to me, is that the father could be those other five guys."

Torrie stood up again. "You know what, I hope that they are ours, so that she can STOP. So she can stop whoring herself around to every damn guy on the street!"

"What do you have to say, John?" he asked.

"If those kids are mine, we'll step up, and I WILL be there for those children!" Cena said confidently. Then he turned to Kelly and snapped, "But YOU? You won't have em! WE'LL take care of em!"

"YES, that's RIGHT!" Torrie cheered along.

Kelly turned to John and snapped, "YOU KNOW WHAT? You and your HO of a wife can go (BLEEEEEEP!), because you're not taking my kids away from me!"

The three of them screamed over one another while the audience cheered along, and Maury grabbed the envelope with the results.

_**The results are IN!**_

"In the case of two year old Scott, Cody, you are NOT the father." read Maury.

"YEAH, BOY!" he cheered, fist pumping. "YEAH!"

"In the case of two year old Scott, John, you ARE the father!" he exclaimed.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.

John clapped at this while Kelly screamed in his face, "SEE? I TOLD YOU!"

"THEY'RE COMING HOME WITH ME!" John yelled back.

"WITH US!" Torrie added. She really needs to just sit down already.

"MINE!" snapped John.

"MINE!" snapped Kelly. Then, the two got into another shouting match with fingers snapping, arms waving, a few (BLEEPs) here and there, and Torrie involuntarily leaping up every five seconds and screaming, "BITCH (BLEEEEEEP!)"

Maury yelled over them all, "In the case of old year old Serena, James, you are NOT the father."

"YES!" Storm cheered silently.

"In the case of one year old Serena, Robert, you are NOT the father." he continued.

"WOOHOO! I RULE!" he cheered, handshaking with James.

Torrie still wouldn't let it go. "Those babies are OURS." she smiled evilly.

"In the case of one year old Serena, Ted, you are NOT the father." the host continued.

"YAY!" he cheered.

"In the case of one year old Serena, Cody, you are NOT the father."

"That's what I'm TALKING about!" Rhodes exclaimed.

Kelly pouted. Wonder why.

"And in the case of one year old Serena, John, you ARE the father!" Maury finished.

John clapped proudly at this as Torrie leapt up and cheered as if she had won a year's supply of bikini wax. "YES! YES! Those kids are COMING HOME!" she cheered.

"NO, NO, NO!" Kelly screamed. "They're MINE!"

"You're a BAD influence for those kids, they're coming home with Torrie and I!" John yelled back.

And then of couse, the two began another intense screaming match. Maury shook his head and walked offstage, needing a few pills.

* * *

><p>Backstage...<p>

The other four Superstars were hugging and congratulating John for being the father, and cheered for themselves for NOT being the fathers. Because let's face it, they weren't paying any child support. Kelly barely did.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: This was a fun chapter. Stay tuned for even more drama! And PLEASE, please review! I wanna know what you all think!<em>**


	6. TNA: Angelina Love & Crimson

**_AN: Only two reviews for the last chapter? Sickening. LOL, whatever, I'm not gonna beg. Thanks to the two of you that did! ^^_**

**_So this chapter's one of the more serious ones, just because I freaking love Angelina & Crimson together ever since I found out that they were dating in real life! Now enough of my rambling and enjoy the drama, readers!_**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6 - Angelina Love &amp; Crimson <em>(Will They Get Their Happy Ending?)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with his next guest, TNA Knockout Angelina Love...

"All right, everybody, this is Angelina, and this is her third appearance on our show." he announced, as she grabbed a few tissues and dabbed her eyes.

"OH!" cried the audience.

"Now, a few years ago on her first two appearances on the show, she was involved in this crazy triangle between herself, her best friend Velvet, and Velvet's boyfriend Alex Shelley. But what happened, you ask? Angelina revealed to her best friend Velvet, that SHE was having an affair with Alex!"

"OOOHHHHHH!" everyone shouted.

"In fact, Angelina was trying to have a BABY by Alex!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

"But it turns out that ever since that confrontation with her best friend, she and Alex have ended things, and she and her friend Velvet are on good terms again." he continued, to cheers from the audience. "But as things seemed to be going nowhere for Angelina, she was fortunate to meet the man of her dreams, her now fiancée Crimson, three years ago."

"AWW!" everyone cried.

The TNA Superstar was shown backstage while Angelina sobbed some more.

"Now why is she here? Well, she's here to reveal a devastating secret to her fiancée Crimson."

"Oooh..." there was a murmur from the crowd.

"Because two and a half years ago, Angelina gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Tyler."

The monitor showed an adorable little boy with strawberry-blonde hair, as the audience cried, "AWWWW!"

"Isn't he cute! Now here's the thing. What's bad here for both Crimson and Angelina is the secret that Angelina's been keeping from him. She says that around the time she got pregnant with baby Tyler, she secretly cheated on Crimson." he continued.

The audience reacted with a mix of boos and 'Ooh's'.

"She believes that Crimson may not be Tyler's father." Maury continued.

"OOOOOOOOH..."

"Here is her story."

* * *

><p>Cue sad piano music and depressing video montage...<p>

"I've been with Crimson for the last three years, and for the last two and a half years, I've been keeping a secret from him." Angelina began. "It just tears me apart inside every day, and he doesn't deserve this from me. When Tyler was born, he and Crimson have become inseparable, and I'm afraid that this secret will ruin everything. Things have just been so stressful on the three of us lately. My biggest fear is that Crimson might leave us if the result turns out that Tyler might not be his. I-I can't picture my life without him, I love him so much."

Back onstage...

* * *

><p>"Now were you two together when you conceived him?" asked the host.<p>

She wiped away a few tears. "Yeah, we were, but at the time, we were having our problems, too. We didn't necessarily split up, but we decided that we needed a little time away from one another to cool off, and at that time, I stayed over at my ex-boyfriend's house, and there, we ended up sleeping together." the platinum blonde explained.

"How many times did you sleep with this ex-boyfriend of yours?"

"Only once, Maury." she replied. "I felt so guilty back then, and I've felt even worse ever since."

"So how does Tyler magnify this whole situation?" he asked.

"Oh, by 1000x, because Crimson has been there for him ever since day one. He was there at the hospital when he was born, he's just been there through everything." she sniffled.

"And he's been a loving father, caretaker-"

"The BEST father that my son could ever ask for." she finished, as the audience cheered and applauded. "He's totally amazing."

"And your greatest fear is..."

"I'm just afraid that he's gonna leave us. He's gonna leave my son, my son needs him. I don't want Tyler to grow up without a father." the Knockout replied tearfully.

"Well, this is what he had to say about you keeping a secret for him, take a look." the host announced.

* * *

><p>Cue MORE sad and depressing piano music...<p>

"Angelina and I have a two and a half year old son together named Tyler." announced the Superstar. "Things have been rough lately, but we've managed to stay strong together to make a great life for our son. Tyler's my everything. He's my little Champion. I'm very surprised that Angelina has a secret to tell me. She's never kept anything from me before, so I have no idea why she would keep anything from me now. I see a great and a bright future for Angelina and I. Ever since Tyler was born, I've always wanted a little girl so that our family would be complete. I just want to live the American dream. To have a nice house, and a perfect family." he finished, to more 'AWW's' from the crowd.

Back onstage...

* * *

><p>"What a great guy, here he is, Crimson!" announced Maury.<p>

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered once the Superstar headed downstairs, shook Maury's hand, and took the seat next to Angelina.

"Surprised to see her like this?" he asked.

Crimson wrapped an arm around her and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. Aww! :)

The audience awwed, while he asked her, "You ok, baby?"

Her lip trembled some more.

"Have you ever seen her like this, Crimson?" Maury asked again.

The Knockout let out a sob.

"...No." he replied, worried.

Then, there was a somewhat long, uncomfortable pause in the studio before Maury asked, "She means the world to you?"

"Of course she does." he agreed.

"And you're planning on getting married?"

"This summer."

"And do you feel concerned right now, a little worried?"

"Yeah."

He turned to Angelina. "So why don't you turn to Crimson and tell him why you brought him here."

She did and, took his hand, and slowly began, "Baby, you know that I love you..."

He nodded.

"Well, in the middle of our relationship...I cheated on you...and there's a chance that Tyler may not be yours." she choked out.

His expression loosened, and he blankly asked, "...What?"

"I'm so sorry..." she began crying.

"You serious, Angel?"

She shook her head and repeated, "I am so sorry, baby..."

Maury stepped in. "We can find out, if you want a paternity test, we'll be glad to do that."

Crimson was still shocked beyond belief at what he'd just heard, but then nodded and replied, "Yeah, of course. Tyler has to be my son! I know he is! That's my boy."

"I know. And you've been strong, and you've faced up to the responsibilities of being a father to that little boy." Maury continued.

"That's damn right." he nodded.

"And you've never even turned back."

"Never." he agreed, to a round of applause from the audience.

"So let's say it showed that you're not the father." the host began.

The Superstar looked at his fiancée and replied, "So what? I'm still gonna be with her. I love her to death."

Angelina cried even harder at this. "I love you, too!" she sniffled, wrapping him in a hug as he did the same.

"AWWW!" the crowd exclaimed.

"Now, before we come to any rash decisions, let's find out, okay?" asked Maury.

...

Backstage, the two were embraced in a hug while she kept uttering, "I'm sorry, babe, I'm so, so sorry...I never meant to hurt you."

_**48 Hours later...**_

The next episode of Maury had the two return for the results.

"Two days ago, Angelina revealed a devastating secret to her fiancée that she cheated on him, and he may not be the father of their son Tyler. So we gave her fiancée Crimson and little Tyler paternity tests, and we're gonna find out if he's Tyler's father in a few moments." announced Maury. "But listen to what Crimson has had to go through for the last 48 hours."

_**After the show, day 1...**_

Crimson said, "I'm very angry and shocked that I had to go and take a paternity test to find out if Tyler's really my son."

_**Yesterday...**_

"Today, I'm feeling very hurt and distrustful of just about everything right now. Tomorrow on the show, I can't wait to find out the results of the paternity test."

_**Before the show, today...**_

The Superstar was backstage, saying, "I'm moments away from finding out whether Tyler's my son or not. This is a make or break moment, y'know, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty terrified right now. Let's just see what happens."

Back onstage...

"Right now, how do you feel?" Maury asked.

Angelina sniffled while Crimson replied, "Just scared, man."

"You WANT the responsibility of raising this loving child." he continued. "No matter what, you think you can overcome that in terms of the relationship?"

He sighed. "We'll see what's what. I'm hoping."

"Angelina, you're sitting here crying." Maury announced. (Well no duh, dude.)

"I just don't want to lose him." the platinum blonde said tearfully. "My son needs him just as much as I do."

"And you think you'll lose Crimson if he's not his?" he asked.

She regretfully nodded.

"Well, let's find out once and for all." the host announced, taking the envelope.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.

_**The results are IN!**_

He announced, "When it comes to two and a half year old Tyler, Crimson...you ARE the father!"

"YES! YES, YEAH!" he cheered, leaping up and wrapping a relieved and overjoyed Angelina in his arms, slightly lifting her off of the ground. She cried tears of joy and laughed, cheering along with him.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered for the happy couple.

Then, a stagehand brung out little Tyler and placed him into Crimson's arms. "Aw, hey, little man! How's it going?" he smiled towards his son. Tyler smiled and imitated the audience by clapping himself! How adorable! Angelina kissed her son on the cheek.

Maury announced, "Now, you've inspired our audience with this story, and this is what we're gonna do for ya. We're going to fly the three of you out to Orlando, Florida, for an all expenses paid trip to Disneyland!"

"Ah!" Angelina squealed happily towards her son and her fiancée.

"Hey, all right!" Crimson cheered as Tyler laughed and clapped along.

"The three of you are gonna have a blast, ok?" he asked.

"Thank you!" the blonde exclaimed.

Crimson smiled and shook his hand. "Thanks a lot man, we appreciate it!"

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Well, wasn't that sweet? The craziness and drama returns in the next chapter!<strong>_


	7. WWE: Chris Jericho, Stephanie, &Triple H

**_AN: Thanks for the last round of reviews, you guys! _**

**_For those Jericho/Stephanie fans out there, this chapter's for you._  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7 - Chris Jericho, Stephanie McMahon, &amp; Triple H <em>(Jericho SNAPS!)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with WWE's own Y2J, Chris Jericho.

"Ok, now it's not often that two men appear on the show, and FIGHT to be the father of a child!" he announced.

"Ooh!" cried the audience.

"That's what we got! Now here we have our next guest, Chris, and backstage, his former friend, Triple H." Maury said, as Hunter was shown backstage.

"Oooooooh..." the crowd murmured. "OH YEAH!" some guy shouted out.

"Chris says that he's devoted the last three years of his life to this woman, Stephanie." he continued, the McMahon shown crying backstage next. "They have two beautiful children together. Six year old Aurora Rose, and four year old Murphy Claire."

As the little girls were shown backstage next, the crowd unanimously cried, 'AWWW!'

"But here's the problem! See, this is what happened: Stephanie and Chris temporarily separated, she hooked up with Hunter, and now the paternity of the youngest, baby Murphy Claire, is now in question. Take a look." Maury finished, as clips of Jericho and the kids playing in the park were shown on the monitor. The last clip was shown of Jericho riding Aurora's tricycle for some apparent reason, followed by him dodging a squirrel that was in the way, skidding in circles, and crashing into a tree. The audience laughed.

* * *

><p>-Cue sappy montage music!-<p>

Chris said, "You have no idea how hard it was for me to forgive Stephanie for cheating on me, and I SURE as hell haven't forgiven Hunter. He was supposed to be MY friend. He betrayed ME! That parasite doesn't deserve to be a father. Honestly, I don't know what else I should do except to tell him to sign off his damn rights to me! *voice suddenly cracks* I want to be able to adopt her. Now, I had absolutely no intention on separating with Steph, as scared as she was of Murphy Claire not being mine, I will never...*sniffles* EVER, bail on my kids. I need...to know...the truth. GRR!" he finished, almost robotic like. Yikes!

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"How did you discover that they had slept together?" asked Maury.

"Steph told me a week after we broke up." Chris explained.

"BUT, you're not gonna rest until you test the youngest child, and you even want your oldest child tested!"

"Yes. Yes, I do, Maury." Jericho agreed, in a strangely dark tone.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.

"All right, this is what Stephanie had to say." he announced.

* * *

><p>-Here we go again!-<p>

Stephanie said, "Chris Jericho is my life, he means the world to me! And sometimes I feel that whenever I do something wrong, it tears us apart. Chris tells me that everything's going to be ok, but how the hell am I supposed to take HIS word? He still has pictures of Trish Stratus hidden under his pillow! God. Anyway, I really, really hope that Chris is Murphy's father, because if it comes out that he isn't, he'll threaten to leave me, and THEN, I'll have to beg Daddy to threaten to freeze Chris's next paycheck, so that he'll HAVE to stay with me! My greatest fear is that Hunter ends up being the father. Chris will not only try and leave me, but he'll also walk out on the girls. Two hot guys are fighting over me! I can't think, I can't sleep, I can barely eat, I can't stop saying these played out clichés...and I'm just tearing myself apart." she finished.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"She thinks you'll leave." Maury announced to Jericho. "If you're not the father."

"Don't kick me while I'm down, you plonker." Y2J sneered.

"Sorry."

"I'm not going anywhere, Maury." the Codebreaker muttered, an evil gleam in his eye, while he was slowly rocking back and forth in his chair. "Those are MY girls."

"You're not going anywhere? Well, let's bring out Stephanie, here's Steph!" announced the host.

As a tearful and regretful Stephanie came onstage, the crowd began a pretty unanimous round of boos before she shook Maury's hand and sat next to Chris, taking his arm.

"Hi, Stephanie." greeted Maury.

She sniffled. "Hi!"

"You seem like a person who's made a terrible mistake." he told her. Wow, dude, that's a nice thing to say.

She nodded. "I know."

"Why?"

"...I-It took me a while to realize, that while I was with Hunter, he wasn't the man that I wanted to be with. Chris is the sexy beast that I wanted the whole time!"

"Damn right, I'm a sexy beast." Jericho muttered.

"So we got back together and I found out that I was pregnant with my second child, and...and..." she began.

"Well, there's no doubt that your oldest child, Aurora is Chris's, right?" he asked.

"Not at all!"

"Ok, well in a few, I'm going to bring this other guy out, and he says that he wants to be the father, too. Are you gonna be with Hunter?" asked Maury.

She paused. "I-NO! No, if he had wanted to be a father, he should have been there more than just 2.5 times in the past 2 years!" Steph exclaimed.

And as the crowd was just booing her no less than 2 minutes ago, they suddenly began cheering for her. What a biased group of morons.

"This is what Hunter had to say, watch." announced Maury.

* * *

><p>-Take three!-<p>

Triple H said, "All right, I want nothing more than to be little Murphy's father. She'd be my first child, and that would mean the world to me! Now I'm no saint, I admit, I haven't been there for her as much as I should've, but I promise, that will all change once the test proves that I AM the father. Now, Jericho is one hell of an idiot. That WIMP thinks that he's a better man than me? He thinks that he's a better FATHER than me? Well, screw that, because I can't wait to prove him wrong. I want absolutely nothing to do with Stephanie, but if she is the mother of my child, I'll be there for the both of them. And as for you, _Jericho_, if Murphy is my daughter, you better back off and let me be a father to her...And if you're not down with that, I only got two words for ya! *CROTCH CHOP, YAY!* SUCK IT!" he finished.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"Well, here he is, Hunter!" announced Maury.

The Game strolled onstage in a cocky fashion, ignoring the boos from the crowd. He was tempted to do the whole water spit take onstage, but decided that doing that here wasn't worth it. Hunter took one of the chairs and set it to the opposite side of the stage, away from everyone else.

Stephanie glanced towards him, while Jericho still stayed in his fixed position, slowly turning to glare at the Game with what looked like a lazy eye.

"Ok, now Hunter, I'm a little confused. You want to be the father, but you haven't been around the child." announced Maury.

"I just didn't want to get too attached to her just in case I was proven not to be the father-" he replied, but was cut off by Jericho.

"Listen, MESOMORPH, you are a GROWN MAN!" he snapped from out of nowhere, startling Stephanie. "STEP UP! Get your head out of your ass! Do you understand what I am saying to you right now?"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered for a good five minutes while Hunter stared at him, at a loss for words, and totally confused. "Heh?"

"Ok, Chris, let Hunter talk!" called Maury.

"Maury, when Steph and I were together, everytime I'd go to work, she would leave like, 5 minutes before I did, and she'd return home 5 minutes after I did. So ANYONE could be that kid's father." he explained.

"So if you're the father, you want to be in this child's life?" Maury asked for about the 6,562nd time.

"Damn right." he nodded.

"Chris, are you going to allow him to be in his child's life if he's proven to be the father?" he asked the irate Superstar.

He paused. "He'll get a second chance, but if you screw up, you're done. I WANT the rights to that kid! If he screws this up, those rights are MINE!" he grew pissed again.

And now, Maury grabbed the envelope with the results. You know what this means, kids!

_**The results are IN!**_

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd continued cheering.

"MINE!" Jericho screamed as Steph sat there, terrified.

"So, obviously everybody knows, we-we did two children-(HUH?)-Uh, the DNA on two children." Maury corrected himself. "Because...y'know...Stephanie wants to know...whether the oldest is his."

...All righty then, Povich. Alzheimer's kicking in or something?

He continued, "In the case of 6 year old Aurora, Chris...you ARE the father!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YES!" Y2J cheered silently, hopping up and down on his chair while Steph smiled and squeezed his hand.

"I told you, babe!" she cried.

He smiled and wrapped her in a tight, loving hug. What a happy moment.

"In the case of 4 year old Murphy, Chris...you are NOT the father."

Well, thanks for that, MoPo.

"AWWWWWWWW!"

Chris immediately turned from a happy boy to a sad lump on a log, crouching down and grabbing his knees, as Steph sobbed beside him. "NO! Ho ho hoooo...!"

"And in the case of 4 year old Murphy, Hunter, you ARE the father." he finished.

"OOOOOOOOOOH!"

Stephanie whimpered even louder, while Jericho was quietly plotting a plan to capture Hunter and make him rewatch a video of Edge and Lita's Live Sex Celebration somewhere. He wasn't quite sure yet, though.

"Now Chris says, Hunter, that you have a chance to get involved in this child's life. (BLEEP.) You want that chance?" asked the host.

"Yes, I do." the Game agreed.

"Stephanie?" asked Maury.

Jericho spoke up and said, "You gelatinous sycophantic tapeworm, you've missed out on so much! You've missed out on the joys of changing diapers, feedings, I do the chores, **I **become Stephanie's personal bitch on occasions! You didn't help me do ANYTHING!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-YEAH!" everyone cheered as Hunter just stared at him, lost.

He continued, "If he wants to step up, that's fine. I don't care, all he needs to know is that's MY girl!" he cried, stoic.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"We'll be back right after this!" announced Maury, heading off to take his meds.

* * *

><p>After the show, Chris Jericho had a few closing words for us.<p>

"If you don't step up, I WILL take the rights to your kid, I have more POWER than you - step up, or step OUT! That's your only choice. You get ONE shot. If you screw this up, you will never...EEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVER...be the same...AGAIN! _I __have__ more power than you. _Try me. Push the button and FIND OUT. I dare you."

Oh, God. With the creepy murderer look that he was giving, pointing towards the camera, the camera guy slowly backed away in fear of his life.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Gotta love power-crazed Y2J, huh? Stay tuned for even MORE craziness coming up next!<em>**


	8. WWE with some TNA sprinkled in: CM Punk!

_**AN: Thanks for the two or so last reviews on the last chapter, you guys. Onward with the craziness!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8 - CM Punk <em>(4 Women, 6 Babies, is PUNKY Da Daddy?)<em>**

Later...

This was gonna be a fun one. Maury was onstage with WWE's Beth Phoenix, Candice Michelle, TNA's Traci Brooks, and Christy Hemme.

"Everyone, this is Candice, welcome Candice to the show." he greeted.

"WHOOO!" the crowd cheered as she flashed them a smile.

"Everyone, this is Traci, welcome Traci to the show."

"WHOOO!"

"Everyone, this is Christy, welcome Christy to the show."

"WHOOO!"

"Everyone, this is Beth, welcome Beth to the show." he finished, as Beth was the only one not to smile and sent a death glare towards the audience.

"WHOOO!" the crowd finished in the exact same tone. Seriously, they sounded flippin' pre-recorded or something.

(BLEEP.)

He continued. "Now, with all of that, in all my years hosting this show, this particular story is a first. Four women, traveling a long way to confront ONE man-*crowd 'OOH!'*-about being the father of their SIX kids!" he announced as the one and only CM Punk was shown crossing his arms backstage, looking pissed that he was there in the first place. The audience began going wild. After they showed pictures of the six kids onscreen, Maury finished, "And that one man is CM Punk."

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"They are POSITIVE that Punk is the father of their six kids!" he repeated for emphasis. Either that or his Alzheimer's is kicking in again.

"WHOOOOOOAAA!"

"Not only that...they think CM Punk has **30 **kids out there." he announced.

"**OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!"** everyone cried even louder. Remember that this was just a rumor. Not true until TMZ confirms it otherwise.

* * *

><p>Time for another backstage montage video thing!<p>

Maury VO: "These four women, Candice, Beth, Traci, and Christy all believe that their six kids belong to one man - CM Punk."

Candice began, "My name's Candice, and my son Caleb is only six months old! And Punk hasn't stepped up to be the father that he should be YET!"

Traci added, "My name's Traci and I'm tired of Punk being a part time dad to my two beautiful baby girls! Punk, I know you probably find this funny, but when the issue deals with MY children, you WILL be a father today!"

Christy added, "My name is Christy, and I believe that Punk is the father of my two sons Liam and Drew. I'm TOO damn sick and tired of Punk spreading rumors around backstage that these boys are not his!"

Beth finished, "MY NAME'S BETH! And Punk knows DAMN well that he's my son Arnold's father! Punk's acting like a DAMN child when he should be taking care of my beautiful baby boy!...DAMN!"

Maury VO: "All four of these women have bonded together with only one goal in mind - *girls are shown posing together, as if they were in some kind of cheap clique*- to prove to Punk, that he IS the father of all six children! (Punk was shown looking both evil and badass at the same time, in front of a blood red backdrop.)

"Today, these results are gonna prove one thing and one thing only..." began Candice. "Punk-"

All four: "YOU **ARE** THE FATHER!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience, and the girls couldn't help but to smirk and clap along, too.

But in the audience, everyone BUT one woman cheered. Instead, she just sat there with a blank look on her face and her arms crossed.

Maury continued, "Now that is NOT the whole story, because we want to mention that Punk is about to be married in a month to this woman, named Ashley!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd repeated.

Yep, Ashley Massaro was the grim woman sitting in the front row. She wasn't about to let these heifers pin her man down with some babies. Nope.

"Candice, you think that ALL these kids are his?" asked Maury.

"They sure are! I'm certain that these kids are his!" she nodded.

"Ok (BLEEP!) now, your baby's named Caleb, right?" he asked.

"Yep."

"This is the youngest of the children we have here on the show, right?" he asked again.

"Y-"

He interrupted. "And how does he treat Caleb?" he asked AGAIN.

"Oh, he's not even there like he should be!" Candice exclaimed. "He's all like, 'I don't need to be-"

Wow, Maury was one rude bastard today. He cut her off and interrupted, "You-you think he's just playing with this?"

"He thinks that this is a game, I mean-"

"IT'S A GAME!" he cut her off for the fourth time.

"I don't understand-" poor Candice began.

"There are no games when it comes to this!" he cried again.

The Diva decided to just stop speaking and glare at him.

"Now Traci, you have Ariel and Laura, two little girls, right?" he asked her.

"That's right." the Knockout nodded, looking at a picture of Punk placed between pictures of the two little girls.

"And you believe that Punk's the father of both of them?"

"Of course, and he knows it!"

"All right, I want to go to Christy, because there's a special circumstance here with her. She has two boys, Liam and Drew, and this is what Christy does: See, of all these six kids, Christy picks them up, she takes them to each other's houses-"

AHA! But Maury was cut off by the girls! REVENGE! "Yeah-Yep, she needs to!" they all exclaimed at once.

"-play together-" he tried to finish, but couldn't when Christy interrupted him and said, "Who else is going to do it, I mean, I want my boys to know who their brothers and sisters are!"

"YEAH! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered.

Maury was still a little pissed at being interrupted. "(BLEEP!) Beth. How sure are you that Punk is the father?"

"I am 10000000000.99999999999% sure that Punk's the father of my son." she nodded surely.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Now, he turned to Ashley in the audience. "Ashley, you know the issue with Punk and these girls sitting up here, so why are you with him?" he asked.

"I don't care about the damn issue, Punk's MY man, so kick rocks and deal with the truth!" the Punk Princess called back.

Punk called from backstage, "I'M A CHANGED MAN! I'm the BEST in the world!"

"I love you, baby!" Ashley called to him. "We're getting married, deal with it, deal with it!"

Candice, Traci, and Christy were all screaming towards her, while Beth just sat there, pissed off.

"(BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!) If he was everybody's man, if he was EVERYBODY'S man, they'd all have rings on their fingers, but they don't, so HA!" Ashley continued.

"Guess what, everybody?-" Maury was cut off once more.

"SO?-I don't want him-(BLEEP!) -he would be there with you and your kids-(BLEEP!)-SHUT UP!" their arguing voices overlapped.

"WELL, now we have to hear from Punk, here's what he has to say." began Maury.

* * *

><p>Here we go!<p>

Punk smirked and said, "Well, folks, these four women are damn good liars! I don't have any reason to trust any of em. Starting with Candice's baby Caleb. I left for a month, and she comes back to me saying that she's pregnant and that I'm the dad. To tell you the truth, the kid looks nothing like me! And don't get me started on Traci. She never told me that she was pregnant with her daughters Ariel and Laura, but I DO know that Traci's a real good liar! As for Christy's two boys, I'd be in a state of shock if either of em turned out to be mine. Rumor has it that the chick's been whoring herself out to the back of the TNA locker room anyway, so anyone over there could be the pop. And finally with Beth's son Arnold, she never told me that she was pregnant. She told me that she was gaining weight! Go figure! Now I am taking my life in a completely different direction, as I am soon going to be married to my beautiful fiancée Ashley. We're going to put all this crap behind us, and if I'm not the father, ladies, good luck in finding your baby daddies." the Superstar finished, smirking.

* * *

><p>"Oh, REALLY?-Bring him out!" the girls onstage cried.<p>

"Well, everybody, the man of the hour, CM Punk!" announced Maury.

As the Chicago native smirked and arrived onstage with his arms outspread in confidence, the crowd greeted him in a chorus of LOUD boos, as Ashley stood and clapped for him. Meanwhile, the girls onstage all began to bombard the poor guy, as some security guards had to hold them all back.

Punk shook Maury's hand, while Beth continued to stare bullets through him, repeating the word, "What?...What?...What?...What?...What?...What?"

Punk shook his head, and took the chair to the FAR end of the stage. He was in enemy territory. "Hey, hey listen, I tried to take it easy on these HOES!" he shouted over all the noise.

"HOES?" yelled Traci.

"(BLEEP!) please!" Punk finished.

After all the chaos was settled down, Maury said, "Ok Punk, I gotta ask you this. Just how many kids do you have?"

"Well, Maury, I gotta be honest, I probably have...five." he admitted. "They're spread out all over the country."

"OOOOOOOOOHHH!"

Punk turned to the girls. "You all know you're liars, I don't know why you're putting me through all this!"

"You brought this onto yourself!" snapped Christy.

"NO, Christy, Candice, Traci, Beth, you're all LIARS!" he snapped.

"Who you calling a liar-" began Candice.

"What about the time when I told you that I was gaining weight?" Beth really spoke up for the first time today. "I had to keep my pregnancy a secret because I didn't want my kid growing up around a deadbeat like you!"

"No, you had to keep the pregnancy a secret because there WASN'T any pregnancy because you're a LIAR!" the Superstar snapped.

"NO, you-"

"You lie, YOU LIE!" Punk cried, annoyed. "Candice, Candice-"

"DON'T YOU IGNORE ME, WE'RE NOT FINISHED HERE!" Beth screamed, cutting him off.

"Can I talk, please, can I talk?" he asked.

"SHUT UP!" she snapped.

"Can I talk, can I PLEASE TALK?" he finally flipped out, throwing his arms in the air and turning red in the face.

"I HATE YOU!" Beth yelled.

"Let him talk!" called Maury.

"Did you tell me you were (BLEEP) pregnant?" Punk asked the Glamazon.

"I-"

"NOBODY told me that you were pregnant, so there you go!" he finished.

Traci leapt up and cried, "She was doing the right thing by keeping her pregnancy a secret from you, cause you weren't going to be there either way!"

"But how could you be pregnant and not know? HOW?" Punk yelled back.

Traci got all in his face, "YOU listen to ME-"

"FIVE MONTHS PREGNANT, how the hell do you expect me to believe this-" Punk snapped back, as a security guard had to hold Traci back.

(BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!)

"Who the hell is five months pregnant and doesn't know?" Punk asked the audience.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they replied, nearly drowning him out.

"Maury, look, I slept with Traci one time, all right, after I had my first daughter. ONE TIME, and five months later, she tells me she's pregnant, too!" he explained. "The father could be any man in the damn audience for all I know!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!"

"That's the truth!" he called. "And YOU, Candice, you stopped talking to me and YOU come back to me and tell me that YOU'RE pregnant, too!" he told the Diva.

"Hey, you already knew what you were getting yourself into when you slept with me, all right?" she called back. "Put a goddamn condom on next time!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!"

After some more overlapping threats and bleeps, she continued, "So you don't believe that he's your son? I was pregnant for-"

"I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Punk cried, exasperated.

"Oh, don't get on TV and act like a wuss, when we're at home, what do you say to me, Punk?" Candice demanded.

"I'm never at your damn house with you, so I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" he argued.

"OOOOOOOOOHHH!"

"You're a man whore, (BLEEP!) a MAN WHORE-(BLEEP!)-Hey, you (BLEEP!) SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" they both screamed at once.

The audience was having a blast watching this madness.

Finally, it was time for Maury to restore some order. "Hey, stop this-"

But it didn't work as Candice continued, "I tried to bring Caleb over to your place-"

"What? Over WHERE?" Punk cried. "Where?"

"Are you serious? Oh you know where, you're just the one lying." she shook her head.

"Over WHERE? What is she talking about?" he asked the audience. Like they knew the answer to anything.

Maury tried again and said, "All right, let's end this once and for all, because I have the results right here."

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered. Ashley smirked and halfheartedly clapped along.

_**The results are IN!**_

"Ok, we're gonna start with you, Candice." announced Maury. "When it comes to 6 month old Caleb, Punk...you ARE the father!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!"

Punk just sat there, hunched over, as Ashley smirked and clapped, saying, "Whatever! Whatever! He denied your little boy!"

"Shut UP! SHUT UP!" Candice called, making a talking motion with her hand. "You heard the truth!"

"He still denied him-SHUT UP-You're still a LIAR!" Ashley, Candice, and Punk all cried at once.

"Traci, Traci, didn't he-" Candice began.

"Can we PLEASE get this crap over with?" Punk yelled over the screaming.

One more kid for Punk.

Maury continued, "In the case of Traci's two year old daughter Ariel, Punk...you ARE the father!"

Everyone clapped. Two more kids for Punk.

"In the case of 3 year old Laura, Punk...you ARE the father!" he continued.

Three more kids for Punk. He was starting to look really bummed. Should've used that condom after all.

"When it comes to Christy's five year old son Liam, Punk...you ARE the father!"

Four more kids for Punk. He frowned.

"Told you!" the TNA announcer called. Thankfully, she was the only sane one in this whole mess.

"When it comes to six year old Drew, Punk...you ARE the father!"

Five more kids for Punk. He sank in his chair, and Ashley finally shut up.

"And finally Beth, when it comes to Arnold, Punk...you ARE the father!" Maury finished.

**SIX **more kids for Punk! HIGH SCORE!

Right after that, Beth lunged to attack Punk at the same time Punk leapt up to confront her, but about ten security guards had to hold EVERYONE back as they were all trying to get a piece of the Straightedge Superstar. Ashley leapt onstage and contributed to the madness by cursing all the girls out! What a great day.

* * *

><p>During the break...<p>

Ashley and Punk were still together, confronting the girls backstage.

"And you all better get your (BLEEP) together, because Punk is still MINE, and those kids are gonna be around ME now! ME!" Ashley cried.

"You're all a bunch of HOES!" Punk added.

"Look at my engagement ring, none of you can bring me down!" she added, flashing her finger around as Punk laughed evilly and pointed towards the other girls. He may have seemed happy over there, but it turns out that when Punk got back home, he fell into a 35 hour depression. Happy Father's Day, Punkers!

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: I had a blast with this chapter. Stay tuned for more craziness!<strong>_


	9. WWE: Michelle McCool & The Undertaker

**_AN: Thanks for the last batch of reviews, you guys! Onward with the craziness!_**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9 - Michelle McCool &amp; the Undertaker <em>(OMG! OlderYounger Relationship Drama!)_**

Later...

Maury was onstage with Lauren McCool, WWE Diva Michelle McCool's mother.

"Everyone this is Lauren, welcome Lauren to the show." he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered.

"Now y'see, Lauren is FURIOUS! Because her 32 year old daughter Michelle fell in love with and MARRIED a 46 year old man, The Undertaker!" he announced as the two were shown backstage, and the audience began a furious uproar.

"**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**

(To be honest, the age difference wasn't THAT bad, but for the purposes of this segment, let's pretend it's near illegal.)

"Now-" he began.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they continued.

"Now, they've been married for two years! And Lauren has come here today to put a stop to this, and to steal her daughter back from a man who she calls a pervert, and a manipulator."

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" they cheered.

* * *

><p>Video montage time!<p>

Lauren said, "My 32 year old daughter Michelle is married to a 46 year old PERVERT! I'm 48 years old, and I'm mad as HELL, to know that my kid would give up her life to be with a guy that 's two years younger than I am! Undertaker tries to sabotage my relationship with my daughter, by making up lies and rumors about me! And to add insult to injury, my grandson hates me! Well, I blame Taker's ass for THAT! Michelle should be out partying, and enjoying her youth, but all she does is stay at home with his old ass! This is going to stop, TODAY."

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"You don't like that picture?" Maury asked, gesturing to Michelle and Undertaker standing side by side backstage.

"NO! That's-that's disgusting!" Lauren flinched.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"So what did you think when you first found out they were dating?" he asked.

"Like I said, I just thought that he was a pervert!-*audience cheer of approval*-She-when they started dating, she was 30 years old, and he was 44. And they met on (BLEEP!) phone chat line!" she explained. "In a chat room!"

Wait, how could a chat room be on a phone line?

Anyway...

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"

Michelle screamed from backstage, "It doesn't matter! I LOVE HIM, it doesn't matter!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"He's an OLD MAN, chatting on the phone with my daughter! This needs to stop!"

"Ok, so-" Maury was cut off when the backstage production crew thought that it was a joke to start playing clips of Taker and Michelle kissing sloppily on the monitor.

"BLEH! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" the audience roared, moaned, and groaned at this.

Lauren looked at this and scrunched her face. "UGH! GROSS! TAKE IT OFF THE SCREEN!"

Michelle and Taker shared one last kiss before the Diva smirked and looked back towards the camera. She was a grown ass woman, so she could do whatever she wanted.

"I'm your MOM!" Lauren exclaimed.

"I don't give a (BLEEP!)" Michelle snapped back.

"She's 32 years old! She should be youthful! She needs to be out there having fun!" she continued.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Meanwhile, you say that he's come between you and your daughter!" exclaimed Maury.

"He tells her that I don't love her! Can you believe that crap?" she demanded.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

"Ok, Michelle was in the hospital a little while ago, because she was sick. Those two live 20 minutes away from me, and I don't have a car. So I called her every day to make sure that she was okay-"

"Yeah right." Michelle rolled her eyes.

Taker spoke up for the first time, "You-You made NO EFFORT to come to that hospital!" he shouted, being drowned out by the crowd's boos. "YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE!"

Lauren angrily pointed towards the screen and cried, "WHATEVER! WHATEVER!"

"You're her MOM!" he continued.

"WHATEVER!"

"Her MOM!"

"YEAH, I'm her mom!" she cried back. "And you keep trying to come between us!"

"She almost choked on her jello and you weren't there!" Taker cried back.

"MY DAUGHTER! If it wasn't for me, you would not have her!" Lauren snapped.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Maury tried to calm her down. "All right, so Lauren, you know what we did? We gave him a lie detector test, to see if he's actually going out of his way to keep you and your daughter apart, ok?" he asked.

"Good!" she nodded.

"Listen to this." he announced.

* * *

><p>Backstage video montage, take two...<p>

"I met Taker when I was 30 and he was 44." Michelle announced, smiling. "I've loved Taker ever since I first lied eyes on him. *kisses him* Can you blame me? He's gorgeous!"

Undertaker added, "I love Michelle more than anything in the world. Not to mention that I have the sex life that any 46 year old could ever want, heh HEH!"

Michelle continued, "Even though there's 14 years between us, we like to keep it _really _spicy in the bedroom."

Taker was shown kissing Michelle's feet. Fetish?

"Whips, fetishes, edible underwear, everything. I'm his dominatrix!" she finished.

*outside audience disgust!*

"My mother refuses to accept my marriage to Undertaker, and she needs to back off, because he's not going anywhere." she finished.

Taker added, "Michelle's mother NEEDS to back off, because we love each other and we have a beautiful family together."

"I love Taker, and I don't give a damn about his age! If my mother wants to be in MY life, she better get used to it!" Michelle finished, with attitude. Nuff said.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Well, here they are. 32 year old Michelle and her husband, 46 year old Undertaker!" announced Maury.

The audience continued their boos as the two held hands and strolled onstage. Michelle immediately began waving her hand around, crying, "You have NO say in our relationship, mother!"

(BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!)-MY child!" Lauren yelled towards Taker, as he just sighed and said nothing.

(BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!)

"You are CRAZY!" she continued. Nobody could really hear what anyone was saying due to the mix of bleeps, yelling, and the audience screaming like a crowd of banshees.

"It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter!" Michelle repeated as she and Taker took their seats on the other side of the stage.

"No, you are going to BE in my life, do you understand me?" Lauren demanded. "I don't care who doesn't like it!"

Maury changed the subject. "Undertaker! Nice to see ya!"

"Nice (BLEEP!) to see you, Maury." he nodded.

"Everybody, what's wrong with this picture?" asked Maury.

There was a garbled mix of boos, people crying 'HE'S TOO OLD!', and people pointing out the fact that Taker had some gray hairs beginning to show. Totally off topic, lol.

"HE'S TOO OLD!" added Lauren.

"YEAH!" agreed the crowd.

Michelle slumped in her seat and rolled her eyes.

"Michelle! What are you doing with a 46 year old?" asked Maury, with an amused smile on his face.

"I love him. And-" she began before the crowd cut her off with some more boos. "AND he takes damn good care of me! He treats-HE IS A GOOD FATHER-" she kept getting cut off.

"What does she know about love yet, she's with a damn pedophile!" Lauren exclaimed. (Technically, she wasn't, but whatever.)

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Whatever, whatever." Michelle smirked.

"But before we all judge each other, let's get something straight. Michelle, YOU called the show!" exclaimed Maury.

"Yes, I did." she agreed.

"Why?"

"Because I want my ma and Undertaker to learn to like each other." she answered, and the scene was pretty funny considering that there was a 6'10 man dressed entirely in black, glaring bullets through Michelle's totally normal looking mother. "I am going to be with him, she's my mother, and she's just gonna have to deal with it."

"Taker is INTERFERING with my relationship with my kid, and my grandson!" Lauren exclaimed.

"Hey you listen to me, I brought her over to your house! I-" began Taker.

"SHE MAKES YOU!" she cried. "Taker, when you first started bringing Michelle..."

"...you're her mother, and she loves you.." he spoke at the same that she did.

"He would stay outside, he wouldn't even come into my house!" Lauren exclaimed.

"That's because Fluffy nearly scared him half to death!" Michelle snapped. "And besides, he didn't have to bring me!"

"Chelle, I WANT to see you!" she exclaimed back.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"LIAR! You never wanted to come over! You NEVER came to see me!" the Diva began to break down. "You (BLEEEEEP) trying to-"

"NEVER!" Undertaker chimed in.

"I was stuck in the hospital sick, and you weren't there when I was choking off of that chunk of jello!" Michelle began sobbing. "You did NOT call me every day!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!"

"What kind of mother doesn't come to see her daughter?" Taker demanded. This really wasn't his place to say anything.

Lauren shot him a look. "Who the HELL are you to judge what kind of mom I am?" she screamed, getting up in his face. "You're NOBODY!"

"Hey, you watch your mouth!" Taker cried, looking up at her.

"You are NOBODY to me!" she repeated. "That's MY child!"

Taker stood up and got all into her face, too! "And you haven't been taking care of her!" he shouted back.

She screamed about 2 inches from his nose, "HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

"I KNOW!" Taker responded.

"Where have you been? How the hell do you know?" she repeated, before two security guards had to lead her back to her seat and possibly restrain her.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience whooped.

Lauren sat down and appeared to be calm for a moment, but then stood back up and continued, "Who are you to judge ME?"

"Lauren, SIT DOWN." Maury announced.

"I'm not JUDGING YOU!" Taker called back, annoyed.

"YES, YOU ARE!" she cried back. "You judge me every day-"

"I KNOW what I said!" interrupted Taker.

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND LISTEN TO ME!" she cut him off. Angry woman was on a roll!

"WHOOO!"

"Lauren, calm down!" Maury stopped her.

She ignored him AGAIN! "You're a PERVERT!" she cried. "You can't judge what I feel for my daughter, you're nobody to me! She loves you, I don't!"

More cheers from the audience.

"Hey, hey, but you do need to respect him because I DO love him!" Michelle spoke up.

"How the hell could I respect somebody that's trying to turn you against me?" Lauren demanded.

"Ok, so here's the thing. I don't know much about personal relationships as much as my buddy, Dr. Jeff Gardere, what do you have to say about this, doc?" Maury asked the replacement psychiatrist that the show recieved ever since John Morrison quit that job to run off with one of the guests in the past.

So I'm going to run through his speech very quickly because it's boring as hell. Basically he said some stuff about emotions getting in the way of words, and blah, blah, blah, something about Taker TRYING to love Michelle, blah blah, trying to do the right things, yada yada, pathological reasons, blah, huge age range, Michelle not being loved enough by her mother, yada, finding parental love through Taker, blah blah, the end.

Taker lazily slumped in his seat and was instead reading the teleprompter that had the words that Maury was scripted to say during this waste of five minutes.

After the Doc was finished speaking, Michelle asked, "Yeah, WHY ma? Why am I finding parental love through him? Why is that?"

"We go to church. We have a life, we have a family-" began Taker.

"You're a BIGOT!" Lauren snapped.

"I am not a bigot!" he spat back.

Michelle began crying.

"Like you've ever seen the inside of a church!" Lauren cried back.

"Like I said, we go to church, she doesn't drink, she doesn't smoke, she doesn't go out and party-" the Deadman continued.

"Because you forbid it!" Michelle's mother interrupted.

"Cause we're living a good life!" he corrected her, his mascara framed eyes bugging out.

"You're nothing but a damned BIGOT!" Lauren repeated.

"You're terrible, you want her to drink and become an alcoholic..." Taker shouted at the same time that Lauren was yelling. "You want her to grow up to become a drug dealer?"

Michelle was now covering her face and sobbing at this mess that she created.

"DRUG DEALER?" Lauren demanded, getting up once again. "Ooh!"

The guards had to sit her down again.

"You think you're better than us because we were raised in the poor part of Florida! We were raised around drug dealers, SO WHAT?" Lauren screamed, as Michelle couldn't hear any more and decided to head backstage.

"Sit down, Michelle!" called Maury.

"Does that make you better than me?" her mother continued to grill Taker. The Deadman ignored her and joined her backstage as the crowd began booing.

"I hate you! Screw you, BITCH!" Michelle snapped. Damn.

"OH!" the crowd cried, absolutely shocked at this.

For shame, Michelle. For shame. :(

On the monitor onstage, Michelle broke down and sobbed in Taker's arms when Lauren asked onstage, "What the hell did she say?"

"I don't know what she said." Maury lied. He could've told her, but then he would've began another 10 minutes of pointless arguing. "So now I'm going to find Michelle, and we're gonna read the results, ok?"

"YEAH!" everyone cheered as he headed backstage to bring the happy couple back. He grabbed Michelle by the wrist while she was sobbing, and unsympathetically said, "C'mon, Michelle, everything's gonna be all right."

Soon afterwards, everyone was seated and order was restored.

"So Undertaker, do you have a problem with Lauren?" asked Maury.

"I-I just don't like the lifestyle, and..." he slowly began, while Lauren gave him this weirded out look.

"Do you think that Lauren has stolen from you?" he asked.

A few people in the audience chuckled for some apparent reason.

"Uh...well...nothing of much importance, but she DID steal from her grandchild." Taker said with a casual shrug. Ooh, BOMBSHELL!

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

"Wha?" asked Maury.

"That's what I heard."

"NO! Let me tell you what happened. When I went to their wedding, and I catered for their wedding, there was some change missing from the baby's bank. My granddaughter-" began Lauren.

"What change, there was over $100 missing from that piggy bank!" Michelle cried.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!"

"Wait a minute!" she cried.

"Take a lie detector test, then." the Diva suggested.

"No, I'm not!" she exclaimed back.

Before another uproar happened, Maury said, "All right, I have more important issues to get across here, like how he feels about you, Lauren, and if he has a misconception about how he feels about you, in terms of whether you think he is trying to keep you away from your daughter, all right?"

She nodded.

"So let's read the results of the lie detector test!" he announced, grabbing the envelope.

_**The results are IN!**_

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You were asked if you were intentionally causing problems, Undertaker, between Michelle and her mother because you don't want Michelle to have a relationship with her. You said no and the lie detector determined...you're telling the truth!" he read.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Michelle rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"You were asked, are you in love with Michelle. You said yes and the lie detector determined...you're telling the truth!"

More cheers from the audience.

"You were asked, do you picture spending the rest of your life with Michelle. You said yes and the lie detector determined...you're telling the truth. Now, Lauren, that's your daughter, that's your son in law, you have a grandbaby. Think of the bigger, bigger situation here, all right?"

Lauren nodded in agreement.

"We'll be back right after this." he announced.

* * *

><p>All was finally calm onstage, but after the show backstage...<p>

Michelle was still in tears after seeing the bad blood between her mother and her 46 year old husband. She told a camera, "No, I'm NOT upset, I'm pissed as hell!"

The executive producer dude said, "Let's have you, Taker, talk to Lauren alone, ok?"

Bad freaking idea, dude.

Later...

"This must be what happens everyday between you two, huh?" he asked.

"You're just a damn liar!" Taker cried.

"Oh, NOW you're calling me a LIAR?" demanded Lauren, shoving him back.

"Don't touch me!" the Deadman snapped.

"I will BEAT your ass, PERVERT!" Lauren snapped back, as the producer had to hold her back.

"Hey, hey, hey!" he tried to stop her.

"Go ahead, try me! I'm the Deadman/The American Badass! TRY ME!" he snapped back.

"I will beat you DOWN." Lauren threatened.

"Hey hey, come ooooonnnn!" the producer dude cried. "Time out!"

"You and me are gonna have a problem." she continued.

Later...

A few guards had to lead Taker and Michelle away for their own good as Lauren cried after him, "You ARE stupid, IDIOT! (BLEEP!)"

Undertaker glared back at her, spanked Michelle, and chuckled before they headed off. He narrowly missed a shoe that was thrown at him, courtesy of Lauren.

"Ok ok, we're done, forget my bad ideas." the producer said. He turned to Lauren and said,  
>"You can't go on like this, Lauren."<p>

"You know what, I have nothing to say to either one of em! He can take her! Let him go! I have 15 other grandkids. (DAMN!) Let him go." she finished.

...

Hey, kids, there's an update on what happened to Lauren, Michelle, and Undertaker since the show!

Turns out that a week after their appearance on the show, Undertaker was arrested for allegedly using his American Badass gimmick to rob a bank.

Now he is currently serving time in Sing Sing correctional facility.

There are now also other investigations going on regarding him robbing other banks in the area as well.

Michelle heard of the news and fell into a temporary depression after finding out that Taker had lied and told her that he was going to work, but was robbing banks, and there is a possibility of a divorce in their future, if Taker was to be convicted. But on the positive side, Michelle and Lauren had rekindled their mother-daughter relationship, and to help with this tough period in Michelle's life, the Maury show sent the family a gift - A $25 gift card to Wal Mart.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Love this one! Stay tuned for more Maury madness!<em>**


	10. TNA: Mickie, Matt Morgan, and Madison

**_AN: Thanks for the last round of reviews, guys! Onward with the insanity!_  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10 - The Case of the Triple M's: Mad Mickie, Miserable Matt, &amp; Meddling Madison <em>(I'm Not Giving My Man Up to Some HO!)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with TNA Knockout Mickie James.

"This is Mickie." he announced. "Now Mickie has devoted the last 14 years of her life to this man, Matt." he finished when TNA's Matt Morgan was shown backstage. "(BLEEEEP) Three (BLEEEP)-children together!"

"Three." agreed Mickie, as a picture of their three kids, 2 boys and a girl, were shown on the monitor next.

"But recently, Mickie's life has been turned upside down because of THIS woman, Madison." he continued as TNA's Madison Rayne was shown backstage next. "See, Madison-"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cut him off.

"She's a TRAMP." Mickie announced. "She's...a...tramp!"

"She's claiming that Mickie's husband Matt, is the father of her two month old baby, Jake." Maury continued, when a picture of Madison's cute little boy was shown on the screen.

"AWWWWWWWW!"

"Look at that baby! Whe-where's a picture of my children?" Mickie exclaimed, pissed off. "Look, that baby looks NOTHING like my husband-PUT my husband on that screen!"

Maury and the crowd laughed.

"See? He looks NOTHING like that baby! Oh, you said that we're not married, honey?" the Country Knockout continued, whipping out a piece of paper. "Here it is, babe, proof's right here in the paper, WHORE! FIND YOUR PIMP! (BLEEP) FIND YOUR PIMP!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Madison was smirking backstage and shook her head in response.

"My marriage license right here, LEGIT!" Mickie continued.

"Ok, ok, Mickie-" began Maury.

(BLEEP!) (BLEEEEEP!)

"Mickie!"

"You know what, Madison's baby daddy's probably that guy up there in the audience! The baby looks like him!" Mickie pointed towards this dude that looked like Napoleon Dynamite. Or Pedro.

"Mickie! Let's get some facts straight." Maury continued as Madison waved a disapproving finger towards the camera backstage. "Did Matt ever say that he slept with Madison?"

"I-yes, yes he did, he admitted it to me, BUT let's get one thing straight. When Matt and I were separated-we were not married, and we were not together-we were-" Mickie began.

"Did Matt (BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP) that it was the (BLEEEEEEEEEEP) that could be his baby?" asked Maury. Someone needs to kick those 'bleep' sound controlling guys' asses, seriously.

"He told me that he is NOT the father of that baby, he's my husband, and I believe every word that he said, that that's NOT his baby!" Mickie exclaimed surely as the audience cheered along for her. "TRAMP!" she called to Madison for good measure.

"Wait a minute. There's a little age difference between you and Madison, isn't it?" asked Maury.

"YES! She's 26, I'm a 32 year old WOMAN." Mickie announced, proudly gesturing towards her curves and down her body while the audience cheered along.

"YEAH!-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"I'm a real woman right here!" she exclaimed. "That's a HO! She's a HO!"

Madison frowned.

(BLEEP.) "Did she admit something?" asked Maury.

"Ok, she admitted that before she met Matt, she was messing with a PIMP, she was a STRIPPER, and she was a PROSTITUTE! Now if you're a stripper, and you're dealing with a pimp, you're a PROSTITUTE! (BLEEP) that, seriously!" she snapped angrily.

"So this is what Madison had to say before the show, let's watch." Maury announced.

Uh oh.

* * *

><p>The Knockout exclaimed, "From the moment that Matt and I met, we had an instant connection. We...were...in...LOVE! I remember the EXACT day that Matt ended up getting me pregnant, no in fact, he ASKED me to have his baby! When I was pregnant, Matt would rub my belly, give me a cocoa butter foot rub, AND take me to my doctor's appointments, even though he was still with Mickie. This man tells me that he loves me, that he wants to be with me! I'm tired of being LIED to, and DISRESPECTED!" she screeched. "This is about Matt being a good role model to his child, and that is IT! Mickie, I HATE you. What kind of lowlife scum of the earth woman like you, would keep a man from his child?"<p>

* * *

><p>Back onstage, Maury didn't even get a chance to say anything when Madison stormed onstage anyway.<p>

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" jeered the crowd.

She ignored the boos and gracefully waved towards the crowd, smiling. After she shook Maury's hand, Mickie approached her, screaming, "HO! You're a HO! It's OVER today, bitch, OVER! (BLEEP!) IT'S OVER TODAY! (BLEEP BLEEP)

A few security guards had to hold them all back.

"(BLEEP) you, that's HIS BABY!" Madison screamed.

"(BLEEP you, too!" Mickie yelled back.

"(BLEEP) YOU, BITCH!" Madison snapped back.

"Oh, you're done, whore, DONE!" the Country Knockout yelled.

"He came to MY HOUSE-" Madison began, when everyone was sitting down, her at the far end of the stage.

Maury was getting pissed! "Ok, ok, Mickie calm down, I want to talk to HER! There's always two stories, I want to hear THIS one!-Hi, Madison." he said sweetly.

She smiled back.

"That's the father of your child."

"Yes, he is."

"Why won't he admit that he's the father?"

"Because he's with THIS SKANK!" the self proclaimed Killer Queen snapped, pointing at Mickie.

"OH!"

"When was the last time you had sex with Matt?" he asked.

"When I was about 7 months pregnant!" she answered.

...7 months? :(

"Aw, that's what your mouth says, you just-" began Mickie.

"YOU better shut the (BLEEP) up-" began Madison. "(BLEEEEEP) is all it is!"

"Hey, bitch I have the ring!" Mickie snapped back, revealing her ring finger.

"I don't want to be with HIM! I GOT A MAN!" Madison screeched back.

"That baby look like him?" asked Maury.

"NO!" answered Mickie.

"Let me tell you something, ok?" asked the younger Knockout. "Nobody in my family has ever had problems with asthma. My son has asthma right now, and HALF the people in Matt's family HAS asthma!"

"NO, they don't!" snapped Mickie.

"YES, THEY DO!"

Here we go.

"He only has a brother with asthma!" Mickie cried.

"He told me-HIS WHOLE SIDE OF THE FAMILY has asthma!-They don't have asthma, baby-He has ONE BROTHER with asthma!-YES THEY DO!"

The two stood out of their seats and began an intense shouting match about asthma now. Wow.

"No he doesn't, NO he doesn't!" Mickie cried, her eyes getting wide.

"(BLEEP) you, you (BLEEP)ing BITCH!" Madison cursed, standing up to her and waving her arm around.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!"

"I will KICK YOUR (BLEEP BLEEP) TINY LITTLE ASS!" Mickie screamed.

"I'm from Seattle, GODDAMNIT-" began Madison.

"OOOOOOOHHHH!"

"Mess with me, there's gonna be CONSEQUENSES and REPERCUSSIONS!"

Mickie yelled as the security guards had to pull everyone back towards their respective corners.

Though all the madness, Matt Morgan was shown backstage, nervously looking back and forth, and the 7 footer looked pretty terrified.

Soon enough, everyone was tamed again and Maury said, "Now, it's Matt! Everybody's yelling and screaming and everything-"

"He's the man of the hour." Mickie told him.

"Yes, he's the man of the hour, and this is what he had to say."

* * *

><p>Here we go...<p>

Matt said, "My wife Mickie is my world, my backbone, and the love of my life who blessed me with three beautiful children, and I love her with everything that I have. It was a nightmare for me when I had to tell Mickie what happened with Madison. It never should've happened in the first place! Madison, when I first met you, you were pole dancing, stripping, you had a pimp, and EVERYBODY rode you like a bus! I'm not the father of your child. What you need to do is check with your pimp! If she thinks that I love her, she's sadly mistaken. There's only ONE woman that I've ever loved in my whole life, and that is my beautiful wife, Mickie. (Audience cheer outside) Madison needs to grow up and stop acting like a dirty whore! She needs to leave ME and my family ALONE." he finished.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"BRING HIM OUT!" Madison screamed.

"Here's Matt, everybody!" announced Maury. "Welcome Matt."

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered as the Blueprint arrived onstage. He waved towards the crowd before he shook Maury's hand, Mickie smiled and clapped for her husband, and Madison leapt up screaming, "You know DAMN WELL that's YOUR child!"

"Get the hell away from me, you slut!" Matt exclaimed, while the guards had to settle (or maybe tranquilize) Madison down again.

"She better get out of my man's face!" Mickie exclaimed.

"Oh, WHATCHA GONNA DO, YOU'RE NOT DOING (BLEEP!)" Madison screeched.

"You kidding, I'm gonna BEAT YOUR ASS!" Mickie yelled back. "I will BEAT...YOUR...ASS!"

"Mickie's MY woman!" Matt called towards her. "You're a whore!"

"Yeah ok, all right." Madison smirked.

After all was calm, Mickie and Matt sat next to one another with Madison still on the far end of the stage.

"Matt, yeah, you were with her." Maury said.

He sighed. "I must've been on PCP or something at the time, but yeah." he replied.

The crowd laughed.

"You wore a condom." Maury continued.

"I did."

"HA!" Madison scoffed.

"Except ONE time." the host said. "What happened?"

"Well, y'know, it broke on me, so yeah, but regardless, I wore a condom with this woman every time." the TNA Superstar replied. "Because I KNEW what she was from Day one - a stripper, she had a pimp, selling her body to strangers!"

"Okay. Well you know what? We're gonna settle this right now." announced Maury.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Let's go!" Matt agreed as he, Mickie, and Madison all clapped.

_**The results are IN!**_

"When it comes to 2 month old Jake, Matt...you ARE the father." he announced.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Mickie was fuming and so was Matt. They both began to storm backstage while Madison clapped and screamed, "TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU! (BLEEEEEEP) PAY ME MY CHILD SUPPORT! PAY ME (BLEEEEEP)"

* * *

><p>During the break...<p>

Matt was trying to console a red hot Mickie. Madison smirked and watched the two.

"Mickie, I am so sorry, baby. I apologize, nothing should've ever happened with her." he said, looking into her eyes and taking her hands. "It was a mistake. I love you, ok? You're my heart, I love you."

She nodded. "I love you, too." she said, giving him a hug and kiss.

"PAY MY DAMN CHILD SUPPORT!" Madison screamed, ruining the moment. They both turned to her.

"(BLEEP) off, WHORE!" they yelled at the same time.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: And so ends another...peaceful segment. Stay tuned for even more insanity!<em>**


	11. WWE: Stacy Keibler & Randy Orton

**_AN: Thanks for the last round of reviews, peeps! Here's some more for ya._**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11 - Stacy Keibler , Bob Orton (Randy's dad if you don't know), &amp; Randy Orton <em>(Is RANDY or his DAD Stacy's Baby Daddy?)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with former WWE Diva Stacy Keibler (You guys remember her, right?...Right?)

"Everybody, this is Stacy, she's 32, welcome Stacy to the show." he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered.

"And Stacy is hell bent on proving to this 61 year old man named 'Cowboy' Bob Orton..." he continued while Randy Orton's father was shown backstage.

"Sorry ass man, Maury, SORRY ASS MAN." Stacy interrupted.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" the crowd hooted, mostly because of the fact that there was a 29 year age difference between the two.

"Sorry as HELL!" the blonde continued.

"BOOOOOOOO!"

"...the rumor that Bob fathered Stacy's two year old son Noah." Maury finished. Then, a picture of a cute little blonde boy was shown onscreen, smiling, as the audience went, "AWWWWWW!"

"Aww, isn't he cute?" asked Maury.

"Look at my beautiful baby, New York, look at my baby!" Stacy announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Now, Stacy says she's fed up with buying pampers and clothes and shoes for her son (BLEEEEEP), instead of Bob, who lives only eight blocks away." he explained.

"Eight blocks away! Eight blocks away!" Stacy echoed Maury while the crowd booed.

"But (BLEEP) Bob (BLEEP) thinks that Stacy had sex with, -get this- Bob's **19**year old son, Randy!" Maury exclaimed. (Let's lower Randy's age so that this seems more shocking.)

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" the audience whooped when the Viper was shown backstage, looking pretty pissed off. The crowd was still whooping as Maury had to yell over them, "Bob believes his son is the father of Noah!"

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH (BLEEP!)"

On the monitor, Bob was nodding while Randy was shaking his head 'no'.

(BLEEP). "Now first, let's get this straight. Stacy and Randy both deny ever even having been together, so we gave Stacy a lie detector test just to prove that!" the host continued as the crowd cheered.

"BUT...there's a little twist here. But guess who never showed up for the paternity test?...Randy."

"OH!"

"So we're gonna find out who's telling the truth, after we reveal the lie detector test, and the paternity test." he announced.

"YAY! WHOOO!"

"Now Stacy, does this man actually think that his son is the father of your baby?" he asked.

"Maury, he believes that I slept with his son when he was 17 years old! I am NOT a child molester! (BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP) he believes!" the former Diva exclaimed.

"Why would he think that?"

"Because he's an ass, he's a DOG, he's-he's lower than dirt, Maury!" she cried.

"WHOOOO!"

Bob nodded and smirked onscreen. "Whatever." he muttered.

"He's SCUM!" she continued the verbal assault. Boo yah. "Look at him, Maury, he's...disgusting! He's not even a man!"

"Wait a minute, you were with him!" Maury exclaimed.

"Only one time, Maury. One night, it was a mistake! I'd never go out with someone 29 years older than me, I was drunk at the time." she exclaimed. Excuses, excuses, Stace. "One night, one night, one night-"

"One night." Bob chimed in on the repetitiveness.

(BLEEEP) "He couldn't even hang on for the whole night, Maury!" she revealed. BURN! Sounds like Bob needs some Viagra.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHH!" the crowd cheered as Bob smirked and dismissively waved his hand.

"So he only lives eight blocks away." Maury said. "And he doesn't even call your son-"

"When he walks past my house, he walks on the other side of the street, scared that I'm gonna (BLEEEP) him." she explained while the crowd laughed. "And every golden chance I get, 'BOOOOOB?'" she imitated herself. "I call him."

"He hasn't promised anything to your son, has he?"

"He's too BROKE to promise anything, he doesn't have a job or a career anymore, he can't promise anything!" the blonde snapped. "HOW CAN A BROKE MAN PROMISE ANYTHING?" Jeez, all right, we get it. "He didn't even have luggage! I had to give him luggage or else I had to bring him a bunch of grocery bags with his clothes in them!"

Angry blonde woman on a roll.

"All right, well-" began Maury.

"I am 100% sure, INFINITY plus, I mean, what's the highest number I can go up to?" she interrupted him.

"Infinity plus, sure." he said, getting bored with her already.

"This is my son's father."

"This is what Bob had to say before the show, watch." he announced.

* * *

><p>Here we go!<p>

"Stacy, you know darn well, that's not my child. Not a doubt on my mind that my son Randy (Randy's shown in the background on the NY city streets, crossing his arms and STILL looking pissed, as Bob smiled and gestured back to him) might be the father of your baby. You and Randy said that neither of you had sex. That doesn't mean it never happened! You just don't want to look like some little HO. Stacy, you're crazy. You KNOW that I'm not the father of your baby. You KNOW that my son Randy is. (Now, Bob and Randy are standing back to back, both crossing their arms as if they were posing for the cover of a 1990s rap album cover, and they simultaneously shook their heads.) Give HIM a DNA test. When the test comes back, saying that I'm not the father, I just want to go home, and live out the rest of my own deteriorating career. You stay out of it!" Bob finished.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"BRING HIM OUT, MAURY, BRING HIM OUT!" Stacy yelled, irate. "BRING HIM OUT, MAURY! BRING..." she repeated again.

He rolled his eyes and said, "Here's Bob."

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd jeered as the Legend arrived onstage and shook Maury's hand.

"...BRING HIM OUT, MAURY..." Stacy kept yelling. She quickly approached Bob while Maury and some guards had to hold her back. "You are a SORRY ASS MAN! You are a SORRY ASS MAN!" she kept repeating.

The crowd drowned her out with more boos, while she shoved the third chair away from hers. Bob sat down.

"LOSER!" the blonde continued. "Can everyone do this with me?" she asked, making L signs with her thumbs and forefingers.

The audience laughed and followed along, as Bob smirked and rolled his eyes. "LOSER!" they called along.

"Yeah, yeah, loser!" Bob joined in, pointing towards Stacy instead.

(BLEEEEEEEEEEEEP)-*crowd noise*-(BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)-"...she's not all that." Bob muttered. BACKBURN!

"OH!"

"Oh, I'M all that, I'm all that, I'm all that, I am ALL of that!" the blonde KEPT repeating.

"No, you ain't!" Bob called back.

"Because that night, you did nothing but touch, you called MY name, I didn't call yours, Booboo, okay?" Stacy smirked, snapping her fingers.

"You THOUGHT I called your name." Bob replied.

"Oh you called my name a million times. FIVE MINUTES, that's how long it lasted! He said my name over a million times!" she exclaimed to the audience.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered. This blonde chick in a mink sweater was giggling and bouncing up and down on the seat. Why wear mink? Indoors? Anyhoo...

Now, Stacy was pretending that she was Ms. Universe and was walking circles around the stage with her arms outstretched, still repeating, "A MILLION TIMES, NY, A MILLION TIMES!"

Bob looked at her like she was crazy.

A dude in the audience wolf whistled.

Maury said, "Bob, why would you say that your SON is the father?"

"Well, that's what Randy told me! I'm going by what he told me!" he exclaimed.

Backstage, Randy said nothing and furiously shook his head back and forth, still frowning. LOL.

"Oh please, please! Where'd you even get the money to wear that outfit?" asked Stacy. Pause. "...Did you provide him with wardrobe, Maury?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" everyone laughed.

Maury silently chuckled.

"DID YOU PROVIDE HIM WITH WARDROBE, MAURY?" she repeated. "DID you provide him with-No honey, I brought mine, I BROUGHT MINE! He sure didn't, I brought mine!"

"Are you sure that you don't feel any connection to your son?" asked Maury.

"How come you can't call-" began Stacy.

"Why would I call a baby that I don't even know?" asked Bob.

"Well, there's one more person to hear from - Randy." announced Maury.

"Bring him out." said Stacy.

"This is what Randy had to say!"

* * *

><p>Take two!<p>

"Dad, I can't BELIEVE you think that I would sleep with Stacy! I was only 17 years old at the time! I wouldn't do anything like that to you, ever! Noah, he might be my little brother, but I can tell you right now that he isn't my son. Pop, for the last time, stop saying it's my baby. You need to man up to YOUR responsibility. (audience applause in the background) Be the kind of father you need to be!" the Viper finished. Well said, Randy. Well said.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"Everybody, here's Randy! Randy's comin' out!" announced Maury.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered as the younger Orton came onstage, shook Maury's hand, and confronted Bob. "Pop, how could you say that I was sleeping with her? I was only 17, I didn't sleep with her."

"Molesting a child. That's just like-" she began.

"You're trying to teach me to be a man, but-" Randy tried to say, but Stacy spoke over him.

"-if my son was 17, and a grown woman slept with him, that's child molestation, I would never! I WOULD NEVER!" she continued. "I WOLUD NEVER! You would probably have a 17 year old (BLEEP), but not me!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You're a prostitute, that's what you are!" Bob called to her over the audience's noise.

So after everyone was settled, Randy was sitting down smack dab in the middle of Stacy and an annoyed Bob.

(BLEEP.) "Why didn't you show up for the paternity test, Randy?" asked Maury.

"Cause I never slept with her! And she knows that I never slept with her, so there wasn't any reason to take one." he replied.

"That's right." the blonde agreed.

"She's a ho, trying to throw that baby on someone." Bob muttered.

"Now, we're gonna do the lie (BLEEEEEEEEP) first, then we're gonna do the paternity test." announced Maury.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**The results are IN!**_

"Stacy, we asked you, have you ever had sex with Bob's son Randy, you said no, the lie detector determined, you were telling the truth."

"THANK YOU!" Stacy announced. "THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!" Criminy, shut the hell up already.

Randy turned to Bob and said, "See, I told you, Pop! I didn't sleep with her!"

Bob raised an eyebrow and felt pretty stupid right now. "Ok, all right!" he cried.

"How could you say that I slept with her and everything, man?" Randy continued.

"So you're not the grandfather of this child." announced Maury.

"Well, I might not be the daddy, either." Bob replied.

"Well, we're gonna find out right now!" he exclaimed, taking the envelope.

"YEAH! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"When it comes to two year old Noah, Bob...you are **NOT **the father!" he announced.

Stacy's eyes widened and she held her arms over her head, screaming, "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" and sprinting backstage as quickly as her long legs could take her.

This was funny as hell.

**"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"** roared the crowd in shock.

In the meanwhile, Bob ran back upstairs and backstage rather quickly for his age, overjoyed. "Hey, hey, hey!" he cheered.

In another dark depth of the backstage area, Stacy was still trying to run away. She may have gotten a little lost back there, though, considering that she opened a random door and almost headed into a broom closet.

Somewhere else...

"Hey, ey, ey, look at that, look at that!" Bob cheered, handshaking with Randy. It was a proud afternoon for the Orton family!

* * *

><p>During the break...<p>

Maury was trying to console a flabbergasted Stacy. "Everyone makes mistakes, all right?" he asked, as she hid her face in her hands. "We'll be glad-"

"(BLEEP!)" sobbed Stacy.

"We'll be glad to help you find out who the father is of your child. Noah deserves a father, and we'll be glad to do it, but it's not Bob."

She quickly perked up and said, "You know what, it's all right, Maury, cause he doesn't have anything to offer, anyway!"

Bob joined them.

"Fine. Stacy, you have anything to say?" asked the host.

"Bob, I'm sorry, it wasn't Randy, and I'm sorry." she told the older man.

"See Bob, she apologized, she'll move on with her life and you can move on with your old life, okay?" Maury asked him.

"OLD? YOU should talk, gramps!" Bob snapped. Randy was in the background the entire time, quietly munching on a Klondike bar as a treat for passing the lie detector test. His 19 year old mind was secretly wanting to get inside Stacy's pants, though. Buuuut, maybe in a year or two for him.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Hope you liked! Well, if you did, there's more coming in the next chappie!<em>**


	12. TNA: Brooke, AJ Styles, Kaz, & Daniels

_**AN: Thanks for the last batch of reviews! Here's some more drama for ya.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12 - Brooke Tessmacher, AJ Styles, Kazarian, &amp; Christopher Daniels <em>(Woman Sleeps With THREE Cousins!)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with TNA's Brooke Tessmacher.

"Now this past Christmas, Brooke received the best present that anyone could hope for. She gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby boy named Adam." Maury announced as a cute little brunette haired boy was shown onscreen.

"AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!' exclaimed the audience.

"BUT, there's one serious problem here." he continued. "See, Brooke is unsure who Adam's father is. Brooke believes that it could be this man, AJ..." he began, when TNA's AJ Styles was shown backstage. "...and if it's not AJ's baby, it's AJ's cousin, Kazarian's baby!" he continued, when Frankie Kazarian was shown backstage standing next to AJ, shaking his head in disapproval.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

"And if it's not Kazarian's baby, it's Kazarian's cousin, Christopher's baby!" he finished, once the 3rd member of Fortune, Christopher Daniels was shown backstage alongside the other two, waving a disapproving finger.

"WHOOOOAAAA!-OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!" the crowd roared.

Here's another classic, folks.

"So Brooke admits, she made a huge mistake, but she's here today to right a wrong and find baby Adam's dad." he finished, as the crowd suddenly applauded. "Watch."

* * *

><p>-Video montage time, whoo!-<p>

Brooke said, "I love my son Adam more than anything in the world *sniffles*, but I made a big mistake when I got pregnant. I slept with a few guys around Christmastime, and I have no clue who his father could be. Today, I brought three cousins to the show: AJ, Kazarian, and Christopher. And I know in my heart that one of them is my baby's father. I was honest with all three of these guys, and it really disappoints me that none of them has stepped up to help me take care of my baby. Adam is four months old, I do everything for that child, but everyone else has to step up for Adam's best interest. I WILL find the baby's father TODAY!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"You know what they're saying right now?" asked Maury.

"Of course. It's not theirs." the Knockout replied.

"It's not theirs! So there's MORE than three possibilities!" he exclaimed, once again trying to make an already big situation worse.

(BLEEEEP!)

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Well, this is what the guys had to say, take a look." he announced.

* * *

><p>-Take two!-<p>

AJ, Kaz, and Daniels were all posing their Fortune sign with their hands, before Styles began, "My name is AJ, and I am NOT the father of baby Adam."

"I'm Kazarian, I'm AJ's cousin, and I am not the father of Brooke's baby Adam." he announced.

"I'm AJ's and Kaz's cousin Christopher, and Brooke KNOWS that that isn't my baby!" he exclaimed.

"I never even had sex with her! She's LYING!" exclaimed Styles.

"She cheated on me with all my cousins!" exclaimed Kaz. "Who KNOWS who the baby daddy is?"

"I mean, COME ON! She slept with my cousins! ALL of em! And she thinks that she can just call ME up and say that I'm the baby's father." Daniels exclaimed. "Her (BLEEEEEEEEEEP)'s real tight, I'm not even going for all of that!"

Whoa!

Kaz finished, "When the results come back for this baby, and neither one of us is the father, you have some serious searching to do, Brooke."

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

Brooke smirked and shook her head. "Bring them out!"

"All right, here's AJ, Kazarian, and Christopher, guys, come on out!" announced Maury.

"BOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd jeered as the three men strolled onstage with some swagger in their step, with AJ knuckle punching with Maury, Kaz shaking his hand, and Daniels refusing to do either and just smirked towards the host.

Brooke shook her head and crossed her arms, glaring towards the three.

"Ok, now Brooke, your best friend's in the audience, too." Maury announced, gesturing to Brooke's tag team partner Tara, who was in the front row. "You know what, those three are at her house every day, ALL DAY, every day!" she announced angrily.

The three guys were sitting at the far end of the stage.

"You guys think that none of you are the father!" exclaimed Maury.

"We're only HALF of the equation!" exclaimed Christopher.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHH!"

AJ stood up. "There's a bunch of other guys at home, too, and they should be here taking the damn test!" he continued.

Again, Brooke just sat there and frowned. She was probably one of the most sane and controlled guests on the show, ever.

(BLEEP!)

"Well, let's find out, shall we?" Maury announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**The results are IN!**_

"When it comes to four month old Adam, AJ...you are NOT the father!" he announced.

The crowd for some reason, was CHEERING, while Styles smiled and raised his arms in triumph. He walked towards the crowd and gestured for them to cheer louder, and some were even standing up and applauding for him! "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" he exclaimed. Next, he skipped next to Brooke and repeated, "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! THANK YOU!"

Maury continued, "When it comes to four month old Adam, Kazarian...you are NOT the father!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He stood up, smirked, slyly pointed towards Brooke, popped his collar and said, "Hey, hey, Brooke? Whatcha gonna do now?"

She smirked and glared at him. (BLEEP.)

"And when it comes to four month old Adam, Christopher...you are NOT the father!" Maury finished.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!"

"YES!" Daniels cheered as the other two leapt up from their seats.

For the first time during this segment, Brooke looked legitimately shocked, covered her mouth, teared up, and sped offstage.

Onstage, Daniels, Styles, and Kazarian all stood at ease and saluted towards the New York audience at the same time, before posing their Fortune signal with their hands. Meanwhile, Tara climbed out of the audience pit and sped backstage to look for her friend.

Backstage, Brooke was speeding through the confusing maze that was backstage, while onstage, the three guys were now dancing joyously as the crowd clapped along. It was quite a humorous sight.

* * *

><p>Backstage...<p>

Tara found Brooke backstage and wrapped her in a hug. "Oh, hun, it's gonna be all right, we're gonna find the father, all right?" she asked as she held the younger woman in her arms.

"Hey, Brooke, we'll be glad to help you find the real father, but these three guys are not." Maury announced, trying to make her feel even worse. Helpful bastard. "But I DUNNO who's da daddeh!" she whined, sobbing into Tara's arms.

"You know there might be two others that I've seen come by the hotel room that might be the father." announced Tara.

"Well, if you can convince them to come on the show, we'll be glad to have them, all right?" he asked.

...

PSA: Does the father of your child deny that he is indeed the father and you want him to take a paternity test to prove the truth? Call the Maury show at 1-888-45MAURY. (or 1-888-456-2879).

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Stay tuned for more!<strong>_


	13. WWE: Lita, Trish, Edge, & Christian

**_AN: Thanks for the last round of reviews, peeps! Now here's another serious-ish, yet...unexpected chapter. You'll see what I mean. _**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 13 - Lita, Trish Stratus, Edge, and Christian <em>(Ludicrous Lita and Crooked Christian)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with WWE's Queen of Extreme, Lita.

"Keeping secrets from your family is hard enough." he announced. "What happens when your secret involves someone IN your family?"

"Ooooooooooooohh..." the crowd murmured.

"This is Lita. She has come here today to reveal two unbelievable secrets to her very own sister, Trish." he announced, when the one and only Trish Stratus was shown sadly sitting backstage. (For the purpose of this segment, let's pretend that they are sisters, before anyone says anything, 'mmkay?)

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"

"Now before we hear these confessions, listen to Lita's story." he announced.

* * *

><p>Video montage!<p>

Lita said, tearing up, "My sister Trish really means the world to me. She's my best friend and we do everything together, have girls' days out, she's just everything to me. I love her so much. I've been keeping a secret from her for a year and it's tearing me apart. These secrets are going to crush my sister to pieces. I don't want to lose her because I love her more than anything! There isn't a day that goes by that I *sniffles* wish that I could take back everything that I did. I'm hoping today that the secrets that I'm about to reveal to my sister won't turn her against me, and that she'll still love me and be my sister and just be there for me."

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"How do you think this secret's going to affect her?" asked Maury.

"It's really going to hurt her because Trish and I never keep secrets from one another. We tell each other everything, and we've been through a lot together." the redhead replied.

"So tell me your first secret."

She sighed and paused. "My first secret is...um...I've been sleeping with her fiancée Christian for a year."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd cried, absolutely shocked. "WHOA-OH, my God!"

A regretful Christian was shown backstage. Uh oh.

"Ok, Lita, you also have a boyfriend." began Maury.

"Mmhmm." she nodded.

"And you've been sleeping with HER boyfriend, her fiancée."

"I have."

"OOHHH-BOOOOOOOO!"

"For a year?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well his name is Christian and he's backstage, too. We're gonna have him come out later. So tell us the second secret." he said.

"The other secret is that I, uh, I'm three months pregnant-" she continued, but was cut off with the audience roaring, "**OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!**"

"OH, MY-WHOOOOOAAA!"

"Is Christian the father?" asked Maury in a fake concerned voice.

"There's a possibility that he may be the father of my child." she confessed.

"OH!"

Maury was secretly loving every minute of this. "So your SISTER's boyfriend could be the father, YOUR boyfriend could be the father, does your boyfriend know about you sleeping with-"

"No, he doesn't know yet." Lita replied.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAA!-WHOO!" everyone reacted again, as Lita's boyfriend Edge was shown backstage next.

"Well, we're gonna reveal your secret to your sister, but first let's listen to how Trish, your sister, feels about hearing this secret." he announced.

* * *

><p>Here we go!<p>

Trish said, "Lita, you're my sister, and I love you with all my heart. It breaks my heart knowing that you have to keep a secret from me. I'm ready to hear what you have to tell me. You and I are sisters, Lita, we're blood, and I don't think that there's anything that you could tell me that would ever tear us apart."

We'll see about that...

* * *

><p>Onstage, the audience still cried, "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!", while Maury didn't have much to say and Lita held her face in her hands.<p>

"Well here's Trish, everybody. Trish, come on out." announced Maury.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered for the 7 time Women's Champ as she joined everyone onstage. She took a seat next to Lita.

"Are you surprised that Lita brought you here?" he asked.

"Yeah, VERY surprised." the blonde nodded.

"AW!" cried the crowd.

"I just can't believe she had to bring me all the way out here just to tell me a secret."

Awkward pause.

"Ok, so Lita, you want to tell your sister why you brought her here?" he asked.

The redhead nodded. "Ok, Trish, I never wanted to keep a secret from you because we usually tell each other everything. But my first secret is that...I've been sleeping with Christian for a year." she revealed.

Trish's eyes widened before she shook her head and began to tear up.

"OH!-AWW!"

She began sobbing as Lita sighed and took her hand. "Trishy-" she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Why, Lita? Why'd you have to bring me here?" she sobbed.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, please forgive me, please." the redhead replied.

Of course, Maury just wanted ratings. "Tell her the rest of the secret."

"The second part of the secret is that I'm pregnant." Lita told her. "And I know that you'll be there-"

"No. NO, Lita, DON'T tell me that the baby's Christian's, PLEASE don't tell me that, Lita, PLEASE!" Trish began sobbing.

"There's a possibility that the baby might be Christian's." Lita flat out told her. Harsh, much?

"NO! Oh my GOOOOODDDD!" the Canadian Diva broke down, sobbing in her hands.

"AWWWWWW!"

Damn, this was depressing.

"Oh God, Lita, WHY? What did I ever do to you to deserve this?" Trish demanded, sobbing.

Lita wrapped her arms around her neck.

Trish pulled herself away.

"C'mon, Trish, don't be mad at me, please! I'm sorry!" Lita kept repeating, but nobody was buying it. "It just happened, I'm sorry!"

"No, (BLEEP) it couldn't have just happened! How many times?" Trish demanded.

Silence.

"Like...20." Lita said, unemotionally.

**"OH!-HELL NO!"**

"WHAT?" Trish freaked out. "20 times, Lita? I don't understand, why would you do this crap to me? I thought you loved me!"

"I DO love you, Trishy!" Lita exclaimed back.

"WHY?" she asked again.

"Well...well, Christian and I did it a couple of times in my house...*sigh*...we did it in YOUR bed a couple of times..." Lita continued continuously backstabbing her sister.

The audience gasped. "OOOOOOOOHHH!-WHAT?"

Trish couldn't take any more of this and stood up.

"Trish, sit down." said Maury.

"Come on, Trish, I'm sorry!" Lita exclaimed.

"Sit down because Christian wants to apologize." he continued. "And he's here."

"Trish, please." Lita said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Christian, come on out. Christian?" he said.

Captain Charisma reluctantly came onstage with his hands shoved into his jeans pockets, as the crowd full on assaulted him with boos. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

He shook Maury's hand and approached Trish. "Baby, listen to me-"

She slapped him! "NO! I don't want anything to do with you anymore, stay away from me!" the blonde demanded.

"Trish!" he cried.

"NO, no, I have nothing to say to you, leave me the hell alone!" she cried. "No, move! Please sit him somewhere else, please?"

The security guard had to move Christian and his chair to the other side of the stage.

(BLEEP.) "Ok, Christian, apologize to Trish." said Maury.

"Trish, I'm so sorry, babe." the Canadian told her.

"I don't have a damn thing to say to you!" Trish snapped.

"But babe, I can't tell you enough, I'm sorry!" he tried again.

"No, you shut up! You cheated on me with my SISTER in MY house!" she sobbed. "You're nothing to me anymore."

The audience applauded in Trish's favor.

"I'm sorry babe, I'm sorry." he repeated.

"Christian, who do you want to be with?" asked Maury.

"I want to be with my fiancée Trish, sir." he replied.

"Well why'd you hook up with her sister?" demanded Maury with a laugh.

"I...I dunno, it just happened. I caught Lita half naked and I couldn't control myself." he confessed.

"OH!"

"How could it just happen?" demanded Trish. "You caught her half NAKED? 20 TIMES? How the (BLEEP) could it just happen 20 times?"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered for her.

"NO, Trish, EVERYONE makes mistakes! I made a mistake!" Christian tried to argue back.

"Shut up! One time is a mistake, but TWENTY? You think that I'm stupid? Twenty times is not a goddamned mistake!" she continued.

"YEAH!" agreed the crowd.

Christian bit his lower lip and had nothing else to say, as did Lita.

"Ok, ok. Now Trish, you're not the only one who didn't know anything. Guess who else doesn't know? HER boyfriend." began Maury, ready to stir up even MORE trouble! "And he doesn't know either."

Edge was shown on the screen when Trish pointed out another bombshell: "Oh he's Christian's brother!"

**"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (BLEEP BLEEP) WHOA! WHOOO! DAMN!"** the audience whooped.

Christian shook his head.

"Now Edge found out less than 24 hours ago that Lita was keeping a secret from him, he didn't know anything about this! So he's going to come out here now, and find out the truth. Here's Edge, everyone." Maury announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered for the Rated R Superstar. He was still overwhelmed with emotions and approached the stage, cautiously looking towards everyone he knew onstage before shaking Maury's hand. After that, he stopped to give Lita a kiss when the crowd cried, "NO!-DON'T DO IT!"

Then, he took the empty seat between Trish and Christian.

"Now Edge, you're kind of in shock, aren't you?" asked Maury.

"Yeah, kinda." he nodded.

"Well Lita's important to you, huh?"

"Of course, she means the world to me." he replied.

"You two are gonna have a child together, huh?"

"Definitely."

There was a murmur from the crowd as Maury asked, "You ever think that Lita could be holding a secret from you?"

"Well, no, we always tell each other everything. In fact, the two of us got together after she was cheating on her last boyfriend," he began. (You all know this story.)

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd cheered.

"We-we had an affair behind the guy's back, hooked up, and the two of us have been happy together ever since. There's no reason for us to be keeping secrets from one another." Edge explained.

"Well, Lita, time to tell Edge what's been going on." Maury announced.

"I'm here to tell you that I've been having an affair with Trish's fiancée Christian, for a year." she announced.

"WHAT?" Edge demanded, leaping up so fast that his chair fell over.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

The Rated R Superstar silently glared at his girlfriend, and then towards Christian, before shaking his head and storming backstage.

Silence.

"One year?" someone in the crowd muttered.

"Hahaha!" they laughed at this totally inappropriate time.

Lita quickly followed him. "Edge, please, wait!"

"No, DON'T touch me, Lita!" he snapped. "How the hell could you do this to me?"

"Tell him what else, Lita!" Maury called.

"The second part of the secret is that...the baby might not be yours, but Christian's." she said quickly.

"You BITCH!" Edge snapped, whipping around and quickly storming backstage.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"

* * *

><p>During the break...<p>

"We ought to find out once this baby's born, whose it is, right?" Maury asked Edge backstage, with Lita there, too.

He nodded.

"So if you all come back, we'll do a paternity test. And we'll see if either you or Christian is the father. That all right?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah." he sighed.

"Now Christian is your brother. Can you forgive him?" he asked.

He nodded, because of course, blood was forever. "Of course, he's family."

"But not her."

His eyes pierced into Lita's. "No! I should've known not to get involved with her. Once a cheater, always a cheater." he fumed.

Lita rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"Wow. That's funny, because you know what Trish said? She could forgive you Lita, but not Christian." Maury announced. "So Edge, you can't be with her?"

"Never again. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you." the Canadian snarled, still glaring at Lita.

"But what about the baby?" asked the host.

"If the kid's mine, I'll be there, but if it isn't, good luck on your own, Lita." Edge replied.

"Whatever." the redhead muttered.

"Okay. Trish?" called Maury. "Why can't you take Christian back?"

"I'm not. I can't deal with someone who betrayed me by sleeping with my own sister 20 times." she shook her head, lying on the couch. "I'm done with him."

Christian shook his head. Shame on you, Captain Charisma.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Drama at its finest. Be sure to look out for the return of these four for the results of the paternity test in a future chapter! Meanwhile, stay tuned for more craziness! <em>**


	14. WWE: Daniel Bryan & AJ Lee

**_AN: Thanks for the last set of reviews, peeps! Enjoy this next feature!_**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 14 - Daniel Bryan &amp; AJ Lee <em>(The Peculiar Tale of the Pickle.)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with WWE's AJ Lee.

"This is AJ, and this is AJ's boyfriend of 4 months, Daniel." he announced, the screen revealing Daniel Bryan backstage. "Up to 1 month ago, AJ thought that they were inseparable. But AJ says that all hell broke loose the night she came home early and found another woman banging on her door, looking for Daniel!"

"OHHHHHHHHHH!"

"And to make matters worse, AJ says that this particular woman has a reputation of getting paid for sex..."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" (BLEEP!)

"...Then there's the question of Daniel coming home funny, in terms of smelling like sex." he finished. "Or something."

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!" Nasty!

"(BLEEP) claims that smell is there because he's covered in pickle juice from his 2nd job at the pickle factory!" he finished.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the crowd roared.

The tiny Diva was pissed, though. "WHO in their right mind doesn't know the difference between pickle-I LOVE pickles! Okay?" she asked.

"HAHA!" laughed Maury, along with the crowd.

"Who doesn't know the difference between pickles, and raunchy, stanking (BLEEP!)?" she began as the crowd applauded. "WHO doesn't know the difference, huh?"

"I don't know." Maury replied. "In fact, one day he said that he was going to the store, right?"

"Hmmm..."

"He said that he was gonna ride his bike! Right?" he continued.

"It was 3 in the MORNING, but he tells me, 'Baby, I want to go down to CVS.' I said, 'Okay, then we're going to CVS, come on.' " she said, getting up and reenacting the scene. "'Oh nonononono, babe, you wait! I'm gonna ride my bike.' he said. Well, I said, 'Well, babe, you're gonna ride me in the front basket on that bike tonight, cause I'm going!'" the Diva continued, to more cheers from the audience. "We're going together!"

"Did you ride inside of the basket?" asked Maury.

"No, then he said, 'Oh, well, I don't wanna go now.'" she recalled.

"Did this woman knock on the door one time?" he asked.

"Oh, oh, OH! Did she?" she asked back, while Maury gave her a look. "Ok, he was lying down on the bed like this *slumps down on the seat* muting the TV. I'm lying there next to him looking like-" she began.

"Muting the TV?" asked Maury. Crank up that hearing aid, old man!

"So, I'm looking at him thinking, 'Why the hell does he keep muting the TV for?' Next thing I know, I hear *knocks on table next to her*, and I said, 'OH! So THAT'S what you kept muting it for? (BLEEP!) There's the damn knock on the door, go get it.'" she continued.

Maury smiled and nodded quickly in anticipation.

"When I got to the back door, I said nothing! I turned the outside light OFF. When I opened the door, I find her standing there holding her goody bag, rocking from side to side," she continued, actually bending down and rocking her hips from side to side in a sexual manner. "Smiling from ear to ear, thinking that she's looking like hot stuff, ok?"

This 16 year old boy in the audience was staring at her with his mouth hung open and drooling, currently having a wet dream as she spoke.

"She looked up and saw me instead of Daniel, her smile disappeared, and her eyes got as big as two 50 cent pieces."

"HAHA!" Maury cracked up, along with the crowd.

"My first reaction was, 'I'm about to wring her damn neck', but I let that go."

"You let THAT go!" Maury echoed along. He was having himself a damn good time.

"I let that go, Maury! And I said, 'I KNEW it! I knew you were bringing that (BLEEP) into our house!' I knew it." AJ finished.

"Well, this is what Daniel had to say." Maury announced, smirking.

* * *

><p>-Video montage time!-<p>

Bryan said, "I LOVE AJ! I would never cheat on her. We've been together for the last 4 months, and I wouldn't leave that for anything. Just because a woman knocks on the door doesn't mean that I'm having sex with her! So what? I wrote a letter to my ex girlfriend once, just to see what she's doing. Doesn't mean that I'm having sex. I work around pickles, the pickles get on me, and they smell bad. When I get home, that's what it smells like. AJ, I love you, I would never break your heart, OR cheat on you!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"Here's Daniel! Daniel, come on out!" announced Maury.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd jeered as Bryan galloped onstage.

"Daniel, how are you?" asked the host.

"Pickle juice! PICKLE JUICE! PICKLE JUICE! PICKLE JUICE!" some people in the crowd chanted. LMAO!

"STOP IT, stop it!" exclaimed Maury.

(BLEEP!)

"Hahahahaha..." the same people quietly snickered as Daniel took a seat next to AJ.

"Now Daniel, AJ's been talking a lot about this one particular girl in the neighborhood. You know who she's talking about, right?" asked Maury.

He nodded. "Yeah."

"But you didn't do anything with her, right?" he asked.

"No, I did not, Maury. She didn't hear anything." he replied.

"You are lying, and you KNOW you're lying!" AJ exclaimed angrily, crossing her arms.

"Daniel-" he began. "She thinks that you smell funny and you say it's from the pickle factory."

"It's from my second job!" he argued.

"Oh, why the hell do you need a second job for if you already have a great paying job in the WWE?" AJ demanded.

"Well, let's just say that we find out the results once and for all?" the host announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**The results are IN!**_

He began, "Since you've been with AJ, have you had sex with any other woman besides her? You said no, and the lie detector determined...that was a LIE."

AJ snapped and immediately began attacking him before a couple of security guards sped there to break them up.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I KNEW YOU WERE (BLEEP!) I KNEW IT! (BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!)" the tiny Diva screamed as the guard had to lift her and take her to the opposite side of the stage as the crowd roared and laughed.

"I didn't do anything!" Bryan cried, rather unconvincingly.

"FINISH READING THE RESULTS!" she yelled.

"Ok, OK! Since you've been with AJ, have you had sex with the woman from the neighborhood who came knocking on the door. You said no, the lie detector test determined, THAT was a lie!" he continued.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"

Daniel leapt up, upset. "Now THAT'S a (BLEEP)ing lie-Oh, excuse me." he quietly corrected himself. "That's a LIE!"

"Oh, NO!" AJ exclaimed, not believing this.

"We asked Daniel, have you ever cheated on AJ in your own house with that woman from the neighborhood-" he began, but stopped upon seeing AJ taking off her shoes and getting ready to throw one of them towards her soon to be ex-boyfriend.

(BLEEEEEEEEEEEP BLEEEEEEEEEP!)

"No, no, no, don't do that!" exclaimed Maury.

"I WANT him out of my house!" she yelled.

"No, we're taking another lie detector test or something, this is bull!" Bryan exclaimed.

"Have you ever cheated on AJ in your own house with that woman from the neighborhood you said no, the lie detector test determined, THAT was a lie." he finished.

"OH!"

AJ reeled and shook her head, as Bryan exclaimed, "That's a-NAW, man!"

"STOP LYING! LET ME GO! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" the tiny Diva unleashed a rage that nobody's ever seen before.

"No, no, NO!" exclaimed Maury.

"AJ you KNOW this is all a lie!" he argued.

"Oh SHUT UP! You've lost me, damn it, after ALL that I did and sacrificed for YOU!" she screamed. "I would've lied down my life for you and you KNOW it!"

"AWWWW!"

"That lie detector isn't right! You know it isn't right, I'd never cheat on you!" Bryan exclaimed.

"I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU, DANIEL, EVERYTHING!" she screamed.

"Calm down, AJ, CALM DOWN!" exclaimed Maury.

"Baby, be reasonable!" he exclaimed.

"No, you are DONE!" she snapped, storming offstage.

Well, there you have it, folks. Turns out that Bryan later got fired from the pickle factory due to his also ongoing love affair with his World Heavyweight Championship. For some undisclosed reason after this, he decided to become a vegan and took occasional tours across the USA, lecturing people about the dos and dont's of tofu.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Good times! As usual, stay tuned for more fun, drama, and craziness!<strong>_


	15. TNA: Brooke Tessmacher, ep 2

_**AN: Hey, peeps, thanks for the last couple of reviews! Enjoy!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 15 - Brooke Tessmacher! <em>(She's BACK!)<em>**

At a WAY later date...

Maury VO: "We know her name, and you know her face - this is Brooke Tessmacher. (BLEEP.)" he began, when she was shown backstage once again. "And this will be Brooke's NINTH time on our show."

"WHOA! OOOOHHHH!" the crowd cried.

"Now-"

"DAMN!" someone cried.

"Shh. In total, we have given TEN different men paternity tests..."

"WOW! Haha!" some people murmured.

"...for her FOUR children!"

"WHOA!"

"Now, seven of these men have proven not to be the father of her son Adam and her daughter Kim. But luckily for Brooke, we found the father of her daughter, Sparkle." he explained, while a picture of her smiling third child was shown next to a picture of a grim, pissed off looking Jeff Jarrett. "Now TODAY, Brooke is searching for her youngest son, Emanuel's father." Next, a cute little brunette haired boy was shown onscreen while the crowd went, "AWW!"

"Now, one man named Austin Aries was proven not to be the father, but today, we're all hoping that a man named Rey Mysterio is the father." he continued, as the masked Superstar was shown backstage. Yep, this chick was crossing into WWE territory now. "Now before we meet Rey, take a look at Brooke's incredible history on our show."

* * *

><p><em>Flashback...<em>

Maury VO: "Four beautiful children. Nine different paternity tests: "_Not-not-not-not-_

_Austin Aries: "HA!"_

_-not-not-not-not-NOT the father!" he cried in the past, as Brooke continuously ran off._

...and a courageous woman who's one purpose in life is to find the fathers of her children." he continued, as Brooke was shown on the NY streets, trying to gain sympathy points with the crowd as she was shown 'struggling'. "The search for her son Adam's father has been the most painful. Five men, including a deceased man have been given paternity tests for Adam.

_**Feburary 9**_

To AJ Styles, Kazarian, and Christopher Daniels: "Not-Not-NOT the father!" Maury announced as the guys celebrated and Brooke ran off, crying.

_**May 7**_

To Zema Ion: "NOT the father!" he announced as he clapped in reply. She gasped in shock, not able to believe that she was wrong AGAIN!

_**November 12**_

To this random guy named Tony, who was currently the deceased man because he was attacked later that night in an alley with a steel pipe: "NOT the father!" Maury announced.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Brooke sobbed, running off to that dark, all too familiar place once again.

Maury VO: "Brooke put her search for Adam's father on hold, to turn her focus to her daughter Kim. She wasn't sure who HER father was, either! Two men, the members of Inc Ink, Jesse Neal and Shannon Moore, were given paternity tests."

_**Feburary 19**_

To Shannon Moore: "NOT the father!"

"WHOO!" his girlfriend, Lacey Von Erich cheered.

To Jesse Neal: "NOT the father!"

"NO, NO, NOOOO!" Brooke sobbed.

VO: "With Brooke's third child, Sparkle, the search for her father would end quickly when we gave a paternity test to a MARRIED man named Jeff Jarrett."

_**January 30**_

"You ARE the father!" Maury announced.

"TOLD YOU!" Brooke screamed, as Jarrett leapt up and stormed offstage, with his angry wife screaming like a banshee behind him.

VO: "Now, with her youngest son Emanuel, the paternity tests left more painful questions than answers."

_**Feburary 23**_

TNA's own Austin Aries was tested that day.

"When it comes to Emanuel, Austin, you are NOT-"

"HA!" he cheered, pointing at her while she bit her lower lip and shook her head, pissed. Later that episode, Brooke silently sobbed in the green room, covering her face in shame as she covered herself with some pillows and the pervy camera guy tried to sneak peeks at her anyway.

_**END.**_

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"So today, (BLEEP.) Brooke is back." Maury announced. "With a man named Rey, who she believes is the father of her son Emanuel. Now before we meet Rey, everybody, let's WELCOME back, Brooke!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOO!" there was a mix of cheers and a few boos from the crowd, as they didn't know how to react towards this mess of a woman.

She took her seat and Maury asked, "Now, when it proved that Austin wasn't the father, how did you feel?"

"I didn't care, he was a jackass, anyway. I don't want a father like that for my son." she shrugged.

"All right. But now, you have brought this fellow Rey Mysterio. Who you think completely different of than a lot of the other guys!" he exclaimed.

She smiled. "Yes, he's such a sweetheart."

"A sweetheart?"

"Yep!"

"Really? You want him to be the father?"

"I'd love for him to be the father!" she exclaimed.

"Does he WANT to be the father?" he asked.

"He sure does."

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Ok, now before the show, we talked to Rey. Here's what he had to say, watch this."

* * *

><p>Montage time!<p>

"My name is Rey Mysterio, and I am the tenth man tested for Brooke's son Emanuel. I respect Brooke for continuing on with her search. Y'see, Brooke is a good friend of mine, and I'll be happy to help her with baby Emanuel, whether I'm the father or not. I love this baby as if he were my own. He is my heart, mi corazon, and I am his daddy." he finished. Aww! :')

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

Brooke smiled as Maury announced, "Let's welcome Rey to the show!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered for the masked Luchador as he shook Maury's hand, headed onstage, and gave Brooke a kiss on the cheek.

"AWW!"

"You like that baby calling you 'Dada'?" Maury asked, in a strange baby-like voice.

Rey tried not to laugh at his impression, but said, "Yeah, I love it."

"And you did ask her at one point if you were the father?"

"I did ask her and at one point, she told me no." he replied.

"Do you see something in him that reminds you of yourself?" asked the host.

Some people in the crowd murmured, some 'no's', when Rey said, "Hmm...well, I'll tell you one thing, he does have my personality."

"AWW!" the crowd laughed and cheered, along with Brooke.

"So if you are shown to be the father, what are you willing to do?" asked Maury.

"Everything in my power. I'm gonna be there."

"YEAH!-WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered, as Maury grabbed the envelope.

"Let's hope for the best!"

_**The results are IN!**_

"When it comes to 11 month old Emanuel, Rey...you are NOT the father."

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Rey said nothing and immediately walked offstage, beyond disappointed.

"Nooo, no, nooo! Not again..." Brooke silently sobbed.

"Rey!" called Maury.

"It's all right!" a woman in the crowd cried.

"Don't leave!" the host pleaded.

"Uh, just give me a minute! Be right back." he called, headed backstage. Brooke decided to follow him.

During the break...

Rey paced around, trying to decipher what to do next. "Where is he? Can I hold him? Please?" he asked Maury.

"You still want to hold him?"

"Of course! That's my baby." he mustered a smile.

"Really?" the host asked again. Damn it, Povich, listen the first time.

"He's mine regardless!"

A little later, a stagehand placed little Emanuel in Rey's arms as he smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, hey there! Look at that smile!" he exclaimed.

So this may have been a bittersweet ending for Rey, but as for Brooke...this isn't the last you'll be seeing of her. I guarantee it.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Will Brooke EVER find her baby daddy? Who the hell knows! Anyhoo, stay tuned for more fun!<strong>_


	16. WWE: Lita, Trish, Edge, & Christian ep2

**_AN: Hey, peeps! Thanks for the last round of reviews! Have fun with this one!_**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 16 - Lita, Trish, Christian, &amp; Edge <em>(Ludicrous Lita and Crooked Christian, ep. 2)<em>**

It was about 6 months later, and Lita was back onstage with Maury.

"Everyone, this is Lita. Now, Lita was here six months ago to reveal a painful secret to her boyfriend Edge, and her sister Trish. Take a look at her last appearance." he announced.

* * *

><p><em>Flashback...<em>

Maury VO: "The last time Lita was on our show, she was overcome with emotion and desperate to get the truth out."

_Lita said, tearing up, "My sister Trish really means the world to me. She's just everything to me. I love her so much. I've been keeping a secret from her for a year and it's tearing me apart. These secrets are going to crush my sister to pieces."_

_Onstage..._

_"My first secret is that...I've been sleeping with Christian for a year." she revealed._

_Trish's eyes widened before she shook her head and began to tear up._

_"OH!-AWW!"_

_"Tell her the rest of the secret." said Maury._

_"The second part of the secret is that I'm pregnant." Lita told her. "And I know that you'll be there-"_

_"No. NO, Lita, DON'T tell me that the baby's Christian's, PLEASE don't tell me that, Lita, PLEASE!" Trish began sobbing. _

_"There's a possibility that the baby might be Christian's." Lita flat out told her._

_"NO! Oh my GOOOOODDDD!" the Canadian Diva broke down, sobbing in her hands. _

_"Christian wants to apologize." he continued. _

Maury VO: "Then, it was time to meet Christian."

_"Trish, I'm so sorry, babe." the Canadian told her._

_"I don't have a damn thing to say to you!" Trish snapped._

_"But babe, I can't tell you enough, I'm sorry!" he tried again._

_"No, you shut up! You cheated on me with my SISTER in MY house!" she sobbed. "You're nothing to me anymore."_

_The audience applauded in Trish's favor._

Maury VO: "Lita then had to tell her own boyfriend, Edge!"

_"Oh he's Christian's brother!" revealed Trish._

_"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

_"I'm here to tell you that I've been having an affair with Trish's fiancée Christian, for a year." she announced._

_"WHAT?" Edge demanded, leaping up so fast that his chair fell over._

_"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"_

_"The second part of the secret is that...the baby might not be yours, but Christian's." she said quickly._

_"You BITCH!" Edge snapped, whipping around and quickly storming backstage._

_"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"_

_Backstage..._

_"We ought to find out once this baby's born, whose it is, right?" Maury asked Edge backstage, with Lita there, too._

_He nodded._

_"So if you all come back, we'll do a paternity test. And we'll see if either you or Christian is the father. That all right?" he asked._

_"Yeah, yeah." he sighed._

Maury VO: "Today, Lita, Edge, and Christian will finally find out the DNA truth."

* * *

><p>Back to today...<p>

"So finally, we're going to have an ending to this very painful story." he announced. "Because now, there's a little girl. Five month old Jeannie, and there she is."

A little girl with dark blonde hair was shown onscreen as the audience went, "AWWW!"

"But who's the father? The brothers are back! Edge and Christian, and we've given everybody paternity tests, we're gonna have the results a little later, but first, Lita, your sister is here." he continued. "Hey, Trish, welcome back!"

She was in the front row of the audience. "Hey, Maury." she waved as the crowd cheered for her. She stood up.

"Now, Trish, is there any possibility of you all getting closer?" he asked.

"We've been trying. I mean, Lita and I haven't been as close as we have before, but that's only because I can't trust her anymore." the blonde explained.

"You can't trust her anymore?"

"It'll be hard for me to trust her again!" she repeated. "It was going on for way too long, in my own house, it's just...unbelievable."

Lita looked a hot mess and buried her head in her hands.

"So now, both these guys are out of your lives." Maury told Lita.

"Yeah, uh, ever since my daughter was born, Edge, he hasn't done ANYTHING for her." she explained.

"Edge? Your ex-boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Christian on the other hand, he buys clothes, diapers, all that stuff." she continued, as the crowd cheered.

"And Christian's Trish's ex boyfriend!" Maury exclaimed. "Now, Christian, the guy you slept with, your sister's ex-fiancée, the whole time, HE'S been the one taking care of the baby."

"Yep."

"Wow. So you want him to be the baby's father."

"I know he's my sister's ex-fiancée and they have kids together-" Lita continued. Whoa, kids? BOMBSHELL!

"Oh my gosh, you have kids?" Maury cut her off, turning to Trish.

"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Yeah, Christian and I have four kids." the blonde confessed.

"WHOOOOOOOOAAAAA!" the crowd cried even louder.

"FOUR?" exclaimed Maury.

(BLEEP! BLEEP!)

Lita shook her head.

"This is horrible." Maury continued. "So now, Jeannie might be another sister to those other kids."

"I just don't know." the redhead began to cry.

"Cousin OR sister, one of the two." Maury intentionally made things worse for the poor girl whose life was falling apart.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!-DAMN!"

"I just want the results so that I can get to the bottom of this, because I love my sister, and Christian, he's nothing to me." Lita announced.

"Well, we might as well hear from the two brothers, Edge and Christian! Here's what they had to say." he said.

* * *

><p>Here we go!<p>

Edge said, "It's been six months since Lita had her baby, and I sure as hell don't think that I'm the father. She cheated on me with my brother Christian, and you know, who knows who ELSE she may have cheated on me with!"

Christian said, "I know that there's a 50% chance that Lita's baby might be mine. I really hope it's not, because that's only going to make things between the four of us worse."

Edge added, "The only reason I haven't been there for Lita is because I do NOT think that that kid's mine."

Christian added, "I've tried being there for as much as I could for the baby, but it's been tough with all the drama that's been going on."

Edge finished, "I really hope that the kid isn't mine, because I don't want a damn thing to do with Lita anymore. If I do turn out to be the father, though, I WILL step up to my responsibility."

Christian finished, "I don't want any kind of relationship with Lita. I really just want to work things out with Trish, because I still love her. If this kid is mine, I have no idea if Trish and I will be able to move forward with our lives."

* * *

><p>Back onstage, Maury asked Trish, "If this ISN'T his child, you might be ok with him?"<p>

The blonde paused. "I...not really. It just won't work anymore."

"Why not?"

"Because I can't trust either of them!" she exclaimed.

"OOOOOOOOHHHH!"

"Ok, everyone, here's Edge and Christian, come on out, guys!" announced the host.

The two headed onstage side by side, as there was a mix of boos and cheers from the crowd. The two shook Maury's hand, and took their seats AWAY from Lita.

"So Christian. You're stepping up with that little kid, aren't you?" he asked. "How come?"

"Cause, the kid doesn't deserve to go through all this and someone needs to be there for her, so I figured that I'll do what I have to do." Captain Charisma explained.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Now as for you, Edge, you want nothing to do with this child, do you?" he asked.

He sighed. "It's not that I don't want to be with the kid, it's just that I want nothing to do with Lita." he glared towards her.

"Oooooooooooh..."

She glanced back at him before looking back down.

"So once we find out who the father is, you'll step up, Edge, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, definitely." he nodded.

"Well guess what? We're gonna have the results right now!" the host exclaimed.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YEAH!"

_**The results are IN!**_

"In the case of 5 month old Jeannie, Edge...you are **NOT** the father." he revealed.

"Yes!" Edge whispered quietly, cheering to himself as the crowd cheered with him.

Lita shook her head and buried her head in her hands again.

He smirked towards his ex-girlfriend. "HMM!"

"And in the case of 5 month old Jeannie, Christian...you are **NOT** the father!" he revealed again.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!" whooped the crowd.

"HEY!-YEAH!" Edge and Christian cheered, sharing a brotherly hug. Great day for E and C, huh?

Lita's eyes widened and she sped backstage, screaming, "NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Trish immediately ran backstage to console her sister.

"OH, GOOOOOOOODDDDDDD!" the redhead screamed, speeding through every hallway until she collapsed on a couch. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO...!"

"Lita! Lita!" Maury called, joining her, along with Trish.

"C'mon, sweetie, it's all right." the blonde said, rubbing her back. "Everything's going to be all right."

Back onstage, Edge and Christian still sat there with smiles on their faces.

"(BLEEP!)" announced Edge.

"If you want us to find the father, we will, Lita. Your sister's here." Maury told her. "Trish, now is the time that Lita needs her sister, ok?"

She nodded. "I'm here for her."

"Oh God, Trishy, I'm so, so sorry!" the redhead sobbed in Trish's arms.

"I'm here, sweetie, I'm here." she replied.

* * *

><p>During the break...<p>

"You know something? There's one good that comes out of all this, right Trish?" asked Maury.

"Mm hmm." she nodded, still hugging Lita.

"You can be close again to your sister, because she needs you right now." he continued.

...

And so ends the messiest cheating/paternity love story that was ever seen on this show. Lita is still out there looking for her baby's father, but on the good side, she and Trish were able to connect as sisters once again.

And as for Edge and Christian? After the show, they hooked up with these two hookers from Tijuana who actually revealed themselves to be transvestites! They'll all be appearing on the Jerry Springer show next week.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: And so ends that. Stay tuned for more craziness!<em>**


	17. WWE: Maryse, Miz, and ?

**_AN: Thanks for the last round of reviews, peeps! Hope you like this next segment!_**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 17 - Maryse, Miz, &amp;...R-Truth? <em>(Crazy Flying French Lady Attacks Rap Superstar, and His Best Friend.)<em>**

Later...

Maury was onstage with WWE's own French-Canadian bombshell, Maryse.

"Everyone, this is Maryse, welcome Maryse to the show!" he exclaimed.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Maryse says, she admits it - she's made a huge mistake when one night, she let a smooth talking wannabe named The Miz, persuade her into giving him her virginity."

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHH!"

"And shockingly, Maryse reveals, it was that night that she got pregnant with her son, Cameron." he continued, as a cute little blonde haired boy was shown onscreen.

"AWWWWWW!"

Maryse smiled towards the monitor.

"How cute is he? Well today, almost two years later, Miz, AND his best friend, up and coming rapper, R Truth are denying this baby!" he announced, when the two were shown backstage.

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"He AIN'T Little Jimmy's father!" Truth yelled as Miz smirked along.

"Truth says-" began Maury.

"AIN'T the father!" he repeated.

"THIS CREEP-" Maryse snapped.

"JEALOUS?" he yelled back.

"-need to stop!" she finished.

"But Miz and Truth say Maryse is just pinning this baby on Miz because she's in love with him, and that Miz is on the verge of becoming a superstar!" the host exclaimed. Notice how he said 'on the verge'. LOL. "Watch."

* * *

><p>-Montage time!-<p>

Miz exclaimed, "I think that Maryse is a BAMBOOZALA! She's trying to pin her baby on me after a one...night...stand."

Truth added, "I will not let this CRAZY woman try and trap my homey with her son Little Jimmy!"

"Maryse sees me trying to do good things with my life, and she's trying to trap me!" Miz continued.

"My friend should NOT be distracted with Maryse's BABY NONSENSE!" Truth added.

"Maryse is deeply in love with me, and she was talking about having my baby before she was even pregnant!" Miz continued.

"My friend Miz is my heart and soul, and I'm not gonna let NO Lil' Jimmies walk all over him!" Truth exclaimed.

"You know what I say? Mama's baby, poppa's MAYBE!" Miz finished.

* * *

><p>Back onstage, Truth was still screaming through the monitor.<p>

"HOW BOUT THAT? HOW BOUT THAT?"

Maryse leapt up and began screaming back, "SHUT UP, THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND HIM, SOYEZ-EN ABSENTS!" she screamed in French.

And then there was an incoherent mix of loud screaming as Miz just stood there, and the crowd began screaming over them, too.

"LOOK AT HIM! HE IS THE FATHER!" Maryse exclaimed, pointing towards Miz. "What the hell does Truth have to do with this, Maury, what? Qu'est-ce que la Vérité le concerne-t-elle?"

"So, he took your virginity?" he asked.

"My virginity, Maury." she agreed.

"SHE'Z A LIAAR!" Truth screamed in reply.

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

"I'M A LIAR?" she snapped back. "Wait, wait, Maury, was HE in the bed with us?"

"WHOO!"

"It don't matter if I was in the bed with y'all! YOU'Z A HO!" he screamed.

"Bring them out, Maury, I'm DONE with this! SORTEZ-LES!" Maryse demanded, leaping up.

Maury obliged and said, "All right, you want em out, I'll bring em out! Everybody, here's Miz and R Truth!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YAY!" Michael Cole cheered for the Miz, sitting in the front row of the crowd.

The two strolled out and the guys shook Maury's hand, before turning towards Maryse, who was still screaming at them.

"YOU better sit down, baby!" Miz yelled.

"You KNOW what you did!" the blonde screamed back.

"That AIN'T his son, stupid!" Truth exclaimed.

"YOU'RE STUPID!" Maryse screamed back. "You want to fight?"

"I'm not gonna fight you!" Truth spat back. "He ain't going nowhere with you! He's leaving with me!"

Meanwhile, Miz took one of the chairs and placed it on the very front edge of the stage, face to face with the audience. The crowd jeered him even louder as he smirked and crossed his arms, yelling like a little brat, "I'm AWESOOOOOOMMMMEEE! ALL OF YOU SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTHS!"

"I LOVE YOU, MIZ!" Cole yelled. "You ARE awesome!"

In the background, Maryse and Truth were in the middle of their shouting match.

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS-LITTLE JIMMY AIN'T YOURS!-CE N'EST PAS VOTRE BÉBÉ, LE SÉJOUR L'ENFER DE MA VIE!-HALBLA INGLES? SPEAK ENGLISH, HO!-YOU BETTER APOLOGIZE TO ME-I DON'T HAVE TO DO NOTHING-APOLOGIZE, APOLOGIZE!" they both screamed before she ran to attack him and try and club him over the head with her shoe. The audience was roaring like crazy, while the security guards had to split them up.

"Everybody sit down!" Maury exclaimed.

"YOU'Z A HO! YOU'Z A HO!" Truth screamed, trying to attack her, but the guard was blocking his way.

"SHUT THE (BLEEP!) UP!" she screamed back, managing to escape the guard's hold and LEAPING over a chair, landing on top of Miz AND Truth! OH MY GOD!

**"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**" the crowd whooped, leaping up and down.

Miz and Maryse were taken backstage, and Truth was held back while Maury sternly said, "You better sit in your seat and wait for me to read these results!"

"I didn't come here to fight, I came to see if this is his baby!" Truth exclaimed. "If it isn't the baby, Miz ain't taking care of it!"

"Sit down!" he exclaimed as he did just that. "Now what do you mean, if it's not Miz's child, what do you even have to do with this?"

"I'm just being a GOOOOOOD R Truth! Let me tell you something, Maury! I have nothing to do with that girl. When she said that she was pregnant, we believed her. I'll believe that this is his baby if you tell me, Maury." he explained.

(BLEEP!)

"Maury gotta tell me, if Miz is the pappy!" he continued, right when Miz arrived onstage once again with a chorus of boos following him.

"Miz, you sit right here." Maury said, placing the chair next to Truth's. "Everybody sits in their chairs."

"Thank you, booboo." Truth replied.

"Okay. So here's the thing, Maryse. You're putting this baby on Miz, cause he's famous." he announced.

"YES!" Truth answered.

The blonde gave them a funny look. "Uh, he's famous? Have any of you heard of him?"

"NO!"

"Okay, I thought so!"

"HEY, I AM famous, damn it, I am the Miz and I am awesome!" he argued.

"YEAH, BABY!" Cole screamed.

Everyone looked at him for a moment before Truth continued, "Hey, we don't know you, either!"

"He knows that's his son!" Maryse replied.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"MAURY WILL TELL US WHO'S THE PAPPY!" he yelled back.

"Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute, wait a minute!" Miz cried.

"WHAT? WHAAAAT?" Maryse screamed, speeding towards the monitor which had her baby and a screenshot of Miz side by side. "LOOK AT THIS! THEY LOOK JUST LIKE EACH OTHER! WHOO! WHOOOOOOO! Look at the forehead, EVERYTHING!"

"Okay, okay, settle it down, ho!" Truth exclaimed.

"I'm NOT A HO!" she argued.

"Look, I ain't listening to you! I go by ONE law - The Maury Law! When he reads the results, we will see!"

"ALL RIGHT, THEN!" Maryse agreed. "LET'S GET TO THE RESULTS!"

Maury said nothing and took the envelope, as the crowd cheered along.

_**The results are IN!**_

Maryse turned her chair to be face to face with Miz and Truth.

"Come on, I barely know this chick!" Miz exclaimed. "She's a BAMBOOZALA, like whatever, ok, I was there the first three months, I admit!"

"This is the only-" began Maury.

"MY SON IS **TWO**!" Maryse yelled back.

"Really? REALLY? REALLY? I was THERE, wasn't I?" he yelled back. "See what have to deal with, people, she is a (BLEEP) LIAR!"

"This is the ONLY-" he began again.

Miz cut him off. "How the hell can you say you're not a liar?"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"EVERYBODY IS LOSING SIGHT OF THIS." Maury shouted over the noise. "Everybody is losing sight of this! That little boy needs parents!"

"HEY, I was with him once, SHE wouldn't let me do anything!" Miz cried again.

"Well, guess what? MIZ!" cried Maury.

"Why are you not going to let me be a part of this all of a sudden?" he continued.

"MIZ!"

"I came through-

Maury was really getting pissed and annoyed. "Stop it. I got it, ok."

"Hey, hey, Maury, if this is his baby, he IS going to do what he's supposed to do!" exclaimed Truth. "He was doing it in the beginning-"

"(BLEEP!), man, (BLEEP!)" Miz cursed.

"All right, here we go." the host announced. "When it comes to 23 month old Cameron, Miz...you ARE the father!"

"WOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Maryse sprung up about 5 ft from her seat and then calmly approached Truth, shook his hand and hugged him, hugged Miz next, and strutted offstage as if that whole entire segment hadn't happened. "Thank you, thank you."

Miz and Truth sat there, dumbfounded.

"You the pappy?" Truth asked.

"Damn it." Miz muttered. "I knew that girl was poison."

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: I had a ton of fun with this chapter, lol! More insanity coming up soon!<em>**


	18. TNA: Sarita, Rosita, & Hernandez

_**AN: As always, thanks for the reviews on the last chappie, peeps! Enjoy this one!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 18 - Sarita, Rosita, and Hernandez <em>(AY, DIOS MIO! ¡Homeboy duerme con DOS primos!) <em>**_If you don't know what that means:_**_ (OH, MY GOD! Homeboy sleeps with TWO cousins!)_**

Later...

Maury was onstage with TNA's Sarita. And she was ANGRY.

"Everyone, this is Sarita, welcome Sarita to the show!" he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She just sat there looking pissed.

"Now, as you can see from this photo, Sarita seemed to have the perfect family with her husband Hernandez." he continued, as a photo of the two happy Superstars and their two children were shown behind a cheap beach backdrop setting.

"AWW!"

"Well, that was destroyed when Hernandez had an affair with...her own COUSIN, Rosita!" he announced, as the younger Latina was shown rolling her eyes backstage.

"OOOOOHHHHH!-BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Fast forward two years, today, neither Sarita or Rosita are romantically involved with Hernandez. BUT, both of them have children, and Hernandez doesn't believe he's the father of EITHER one of em!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd jeered as a picture of an angry looking Hernandez was placed between both babies, Sarita's little boy and Rosita's little girl.

Sarita smirked while Rosita continued shaking her head backstage.

"Now, there's Sarita's 3 year old son Hernandez Jr. *audience aww*, and Rosita's 17 month old daughter, Nicki." More 'awws' from the crowd. "Watch!"

* * *

><p>Yay!<p>

Sarita angrily said, "When I met Hernandez 10 years ago, we fell in love, and we were INSEPERABLE! We got married four years ago, and we got two beautiful children together! Me and Hernandez, we made vows to one another, and he threw them all away like they meant nothing! I started to notice that night after night, that _gringo _was not coming home! Then, I found out that he cheated on me with my OWN cousin, Rosita! I mean, come on, _ese! _Now, Hernandez and his family members are going around saying that our son Hernandez Jr. isn't his? Are you SERIOUS? I'm not the one who needs Hernandez tested for her baby, Rosita is!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"Ok, first of all, is your marriage over or not?" asked the host.

"Our marriage has BEEN over! I'm DONE dealing with that bum, ese, DONE! It's all about getting these results for my son!" she exclaimed.

"But you have two kids with him!"

"YEAH, we got two kids, he don't deny my other daughter! Only my son, cause he looks like me!" the Latina cried.

"How about your own cousin, Rosita? Does she put stuff in his head?"

"I believe that she has something to do with it, YEAH, Maury!" she cried. "I really do believe she got something to do with it! I do, I DO!" she continued.

"You think he cheated on you with her?" he asked. Well no, duh!

"YEAH, he cheated on me with her, _ese!"_

"You think that he's the father of HER baby?"

"HELL NAW, I don't think he's the father of her child-" she began, when Rosita called, "How do YOU know? You weren't even THERE! You weren't at my house-"

Sarita cut her off, "He ain't the father of her baby, HELL NO!"

"Y-You don't think that her child and your child-" now Maury was cut off!

"NO! Her baby don't look like him or ANY of his people!" she screamed. ...His people?

"Your son doesn't look like him, either!" Rosita called, rolling her eyes.

"All right, well we have the paternity test for BOTH these babies..." began the host.

"WHOOOOOOO!-YEAH!"

"-but guess what? Rosita had something to say about this, take a look."

"I figured she did!"

* * *

><p>Montage time!<p>

Rosita said, "Hernandez pursued me while we were working together in TNA. Right away, we were talking about getting a car, and even getting an apartment together! And shortly after that, I got pregnant with his baby. I NEVER KNEW he was MARRIED. My cousin Sarita had plenty of chances to tell me, and she NEVER DID. She should know that Hernandez is the father of my baby. She needs to mind her own business and worry about her own! Sarita's son is MUCH lighter than Hernandez, so I know she's been sleeping with other men. My daughter Nicki looks JUST like Hernandez, and I KNOW he's the father. Too bad I can't say the same for Sarita's baby." she finished with a smirk.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"Here's Rosita, welcome her to the show!" Maury announced.

"Hey, can you move these two chairs over to the other side, please?" Sarita called.

He half ignored her. "Yeah, yeah."

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!T

the crowd jeered the young Latina as she headed onstage and shook Maury's hand. "AW, YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" Rosita called towards the crowd as Sarita stood up to confront her. "You don't know NOTHING about me!"

"Oh, sit down, you KNOW that he's not the _papi_!" she called back.

"Oh yeah, then if he was married to you then why was he with me?" Rosita asked.

"OH!"

"Because you was easy, that's why!" Sarita cried back. "You was easy!"

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, REALLY? REALLY?" the younger Latina cried.

And soon enough, the cousins got themselves into yet another shouting match in which some security guards had to hold them back.

"Rosita, you didn't know he was married to your cousin?" asked Maury.

"Nope, nobody told me anything!" she exclaimed. "I also talked to her and she never said that they were married, and we talked PLENTY of times!"

"Plenty of times?" asked Sarita.

"PLENTY OF TIMES!"

All right, now.

"Now you think that your baby looks like him?" the host asked, pointing to Hernandez backstage.

"THINK? I know my baby is his, I KNOW what I do at night, I KNOW where my stuff is at, so I KNOW she's his!" she exclaimed.

"And what you're saying is that she doesn't?" he asked.

"She-I don't know what she knows, who knows what she knows?" she asked, confusing herself for a moment. "Wait...yeah, who knows?"

"When you were pregnant, was he around?"

"No, he wasn't around, but...when she found out I was pregnant, she ran back to him to make their so-called relationship work, and he said that he had the same amount of feelings that he had for her, for me too!" she continued.

"Wooooow..." Sarita chuckled, rolling her eyes.

"That's what it do! That's what it do, _chica!_"

"That's not what he told ME!" Sarita exclaimed, to more 'OH's' from the crowd. "That's not what he told ME!" Then she looked back at Hernandez backstage. "Hey, don't stand back there looking dumb! Get it together!"

"OOHH!"

Backstage, he was chuckling and smirking the entire time.

"Are you gonna apologize to Sarita at all?" Maury asked Rosita.

She laughed. "Apologize to her for WHAT? I never knew anything about her!"

"He was MARRIED to her!" Maury cried.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You never knew? You never knew? You never knew?" Sarita had to repeat herself for extreme emphasis.

"Listen to me, chica, I don't need to apologize to you for NOTHING, because-" Rosita cried, when Maury said, "Here's what Hernandez has to say, take a look."

The younger Latina was still on her rant. "...apologize for WHAT, she needs to get on her-"

* * *

><p>Video montage time, take three!<p>

Hernandez said, "I got two different mamacitas telling me two different things and I don't know what to believe! What I know is that I have two babies involved, but I have doubts if I'm the father of either! I know Sarita did sleep with other men. But when Hernandez Jr. came out with lighter skin, I began thinking that the child wasn't mine. Hernandez Jr also has a really big head!"

*record scratch*

Huh? "His forehead is round while mine is flat!" he continued to explain. "Sarita's telling me that Rosita's baby ain't mine, and Rosita's telling me that Sarita's baby ain't mine! I'm stuck in a war between two women. I don't know which one is lying!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"Oh, really? Well here's Hernandez, Hernandez, come on out!" announced Maury.

The Mexican Superstar rushed onto the stage and dismissed everyone who was booing at him, before shaking Maury's hand, and taking the empty seat between Sarita and Rosita.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You have an older daughter with Sarita. You love your daughter, right?" asked the host.

"Yeah."

"You're in your daughter's life?"

"...Yeah."

"How come you're not in that little boy's life?"

He looked at the monitor to see the picture of Sarita's son. "He don't look like me, son."

"You feel bad though, for cheating on Sarita with Rosita, don't you?"

"...Not really." he smirked.

"OHHHHHHHH!"

Sarita expected this from her ex and nodded, not saying a word.

"There wasn't any cheatin!" argued Rosita. "How could you cheat with no relationship?"

"Oh, look at me and look at you, _mami!" _ Sarita cried. "Look at me and look at you!"

Rosita stood up and began strutting around the stage, while Hernandez was silently checking her out by eying her up and down.

Sarita was not impressed. "Serious? Are you SERIOUS? Look at ME!" she exclaimed, strutting around next as if this show suddenly became America's Next Top Model.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered.

"Sit your ass down, cuz!" Rosita cried.

"Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you SERIOUS? You're not serious!" was Sarita's phrase of the day.

"Look at ME and look at her! Look at me and look at HER!" Rosita exclaimed.

"You don't know nothing, chica!" Sarita exclaimed. "Don't say nothing!"

OMG, Maury was getting annoyed. "BOTH OF YOU SIT DOWN, OR I'M GONNA START PARADING AROUND-ok."

Everyone sat down.

"I wanna know this. Since you can be a father to a child, since you are a father to your older daughter," he asked Hernandez. "You will get in these kids' lives if you're the father, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll do what I gotta do, _ese_, yeah." he agreed.

"Well, let's find out!" he announced, taking the envelope.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YAAAAAY!" Rosita cheered along.

_**The results are IN!**_

"You want to be with either one of these women?" he asked Hernandez.

"No." he said blatantly.

"You don't want to be with either one of em? Okay."

"I don't want you anyway!" Sarita exclaimed.

Silence.

"_Get READY!"_ some random lady in the crowd called.

_"SHH!"_

"In the case of 3 year old Hernandez Jr., Hernandez...you ARE the father!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"TOLD YOU! TOLD YOU, _GRINGO!"_ Sarita literally screamed in Hernandez's face, when he was forced to block her away. "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?" Then, she leaned over him to scream at her cousin. "WHAT you got to say, chica, what you got to SAY?"

"Whatever, whatever!" Rosita said, waving a dismissive hand.

"Yeah, yeah." Hernandez mumbled.

"Hey, Hernandez, that's good because I know you're in your daughter's life, and now you can be in her brother's life!" Maury exclaimed.

"Good, good!" he nodded.

"And in the case of 17 month old Nicki, Hernandez...you are NOT the father!"

**"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

Rosita's eyes widened, but aside from that, she actually stayed calm and in her seat. Sarita was the one doing the overreacting here. "HA! HAAA! HAAAAA!" she laughed in her cousin's face. She went back to Hernandez and yelled in his aching ear, "WHAT? YOU (BLEEP) (BLEEEEEEEEEP) TOLD YOU!"

Meanwhile, Hernandez sat there with a blank, bored look on his face while he had to cover his right ear with his hand to prevent himself from going deaf at that moment.

Maury approached Rosita. "No, I was only with Hernandez, this is a mistake!" she exclaimed. "I was only with him."

(BLEEP!)

Hernandez shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. He really wished he could be back in Cuba where Anarquia was vacationing.

"Because I know for a fact that I was only with him!" Rosita continued.

"I DON'T GOT NO REASON! I KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING!" Sarita continued screaming to the audience.

"Even Hernandez knows there was no one else, ask him!" Rosita continued whining.

"I'm telling you right now, he's not the father." Maury concluded.

"HAAAA! HAAAAAA! COME ON, _ESE!"_ Sarita continued screaming.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Well, that was fun! Stay tuned for more!<em>**


	19. TNA: Brooke Tessmacher, ep 3!

**_AN: Hey, peeps, as always, thanks for the reviews! Guess who's back for this next segment!_**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 19 - Brooke Tessmacher, ep.3 <em>(OMG, She's Back!...Again!)<em>**

Later, at a WAY later date, and I mean WAY later...

Maury VO: "Brooke Tessmacher's been coming to the show for almost 5 years, to find the father of her five children!

_Flashback..._

_"Not, NOT, not, not-are the father-NOT, not, NOT, not, NOT_!" his voice echoed as Brooke was shown continuously feeling the painful rejection. She really hated that damn word.

After **15** DNA tests, Brooke has not given up her search and neither has the show!" he continued. The show only hadn't given up because this chick was the one thing that brought them non stop ratings. Boo yah. "Today, she's here for her 16th DNA test! Is today the day?"

...

On stage, Maury said, "We've had a lot of unforgettable guests over the years! But this next guest is truly the most memorable. Her name - Brooke."

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I really don't know why the audience was applauding this.

"Now over the years, Brooke has tested 15 men in search of the fathers of her five kids. Watch this." he announced.

* * *

><p><em>Flashback #2...<em>

Maury VO: "FIVE beautiful children! FIFTEEN men tested! It all began with a search for her son Adam's father." And so began a montage from over the years of the constant rejections and reminders of how many tricks she turned backstage.

To AJ Styles, Kaz, and Daniels: "Not-Not-NOT the father!" Maury announced as the guys celebrated.

To Zema Ion: "NOT the father!" he announced as he clapped in reply.

VO: "Brooke put her search on hold for Adam's father, and turned her attention to her daughter, Kim."

That day, the members of Ink Inc were tested.

To Shannon Moore: "NOT the father!"

"WHOO!" his girlfriend, Lacey Von Erich cheered.

To Jesse Neal: "NOT the father!"

"NO, NO, NOOOO!" Brooke sobbed.

VO: "With Brooke's third child, Sparkle, the search for her father would end quickly."

That day, Jeff Jarrett was tested, with his pissed off wife Karen in the audience.

"You ARE the father!" Maury announced.

"TOLD YOU!" Brooke screamed, as Jarrett leapt up and stormed offstage, with his angry wife screaming like a banshee behind him.

VO: "With her fourth son Emanuel, the paternity tests left Brooke with more painful questions than answers."

With Austin Aries: "NOT-" began Maury.

"HA!" he laughed, pointing at her.

She even crossed into WWE territory. With Rey Mysterio: "NOT!"

With Mr. Anderson (formerly Kennedy): "NOT!"

With Devon: "Not the father."

With Devon's two sons: "NOT!-NOT the father!"

VO: "Although Brooke gave up her search for her son Emanuel's father, a year later, she came back hoping that she'd have better luck finding the father of her NEW baby, Mark."

There was a silhouette on the screen behind Maury as he read, "The mystery man who could not be here, (dude was smart to keep his identity a mystery) is NOT-"

"NOOOOOOO!" she sobbed, heading backstage.

"Brooke!" he called after her.

Even Jeremy Borash, the flipping ring announcer was there! "Jeremy...you are NOT the father!" announced the host.

Brooke slapped the chair in frustration and stormed backstage as he announced, "THANK YOU!"

VO: "Today, Brooke is back for her 16th DNA test! Will she hear, 'You ARE the father'?"

* * *

><p>Damn. Back onstage...<p>

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Wow." Maury shook his head in shame. "So, talk about heartache, as you just heard, Brooke contacted us, and she told us that she has now located the man she believes to be Mark -her youngest's- father."

The crowd applauded this once more.

"And it's this man, Bully Ray!" he announced, as the angry ex-Team 3D member was shown backstage. "So Brooke is back today, hoping that test number 16 puts an end to her search for the father of Mark. I'm gonna go backstage and get Brooke." Because on rare occasions like this, he actually offered to go backstage and drag the guest onstage with him. The crowd cheered. Five seconds later, he came back onstage with the Knockout. "Welcome Brooke!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd continued CHEERING for her. I still don't get it.

She mustered a smile for the crowd.

(BLEEP.)

"First of all, how are the kids?" asked Maury with a smile. Wow, Povich.

"Yep, they're all good." she half lied and half told the truth.

"So let's start with Adam. Adam was how old when you first brought him here?" he asked.

"4 months."

"And how old is he now?"

"Six." she said in a half whisper. Come on, man. :(

"Whoo!-WHOA!" the crowd murmured.

"Ok. So today, you brought a fellow named Bully Ray to the show. You and Ray have been together, right?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yep."

"Ray WAS tested before with one of your other children (wait, so wouldn't that make it 17 men tested?), and was proven not to be the father. But why are you so sure that he's Mark's father?"

"Cause...I went to Florida and he was there in Florida, so...we went out." she explained.

*crickets*

"Ok. And you've tested other people for Mark, so does Ray have doubts?" he asked.

"Of course he does. Cause of my history." she shrugged.

"So, before we get the results, everybody...let's hear what Ray had to say!"

* * *

><p>-Video montage time!-<p>

Bully Ray was forced to do another one of those cheesy NY street segments again. "I'm Bully Ray, and I am the 16th-count em-SIXTEENTH man that Brooke has tested on the show!" he cried angrily. "And I'm back cause she's claiming YET again that I'm the father of her son Mark. I have no idea how she thinks she's 100% sure that I'm her baby's father! She's a hustler, all she's trying to do is get money out of me! And I ain't no sucker, I KNOW how she gets down! I know there's a possibility that I could be the father. If I am, I'm gonna be embarrassed and PISSED off! And all the other guys she slept with, I do NOT want to end up on that list! Everyone in America knows who Brooke is, and I don't want to be associated with anyone like that! So after this, if I'm not the father, don't bother me, BITCH!" he shouted to the camera.

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"So here he is, Bully Ray, come on out!" announced Maury.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd jeered as he stormed onstage and flipped everyone off. Maury reached out for a handshake, but Ray ignored him and took his seat next to Brooke.

"Hey, Bully, how you doing?" asked the host.

"Yeah, yeah." he muttered.

"You think you look like that little guy?"

"Yeah-YEAH!" the crowd exclaimed, along with Brooke.

"Eh...maybe, but probably not! Kid probably belongs to Devon!" he exclaimed.

"You know, you kinda hinted at something. You said that if you were the father, you'd be upset. Why?" asked Maury.

"Cause she's nothing but a ho and I want nothing to do with this bitch!" he said, as if the answer were obvious.

"OOOOOOOHHHH! BOOOOOOOOOO!"

"It's embarrassing with her! I don't want to have to explain myself to people!" he continued.

"Embarrassing?" Brooke asked.

"Do you know that little boy?" asked Maury.

"Not really. But you know what, if he's mine, I'm gonna do what I have to do." he shrugged. "I take care of mines! Everyone that knows me knows that I take care of mines!" LOL.

"So you will be there if you are the father?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." he muttered.

"Well then, guess what? We're gonna find out right now!" he announced, grabbing the envelope.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**The results are IN!**_

"In the case of two year old Mark, Bully...you ARE the father!" he announced.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"YAY!" Brooke cheered, leaping up and hugging him, when he looked shocked and pulled himself away. "All right, All right, I'm the kid's pop, I get it!" he snapped, pissed.

"All right, you know something? You'll be a GREAT father!" announced Maury.

He will?

"Like I said, I take care of mines!" he repeated.

"I know you will. You'll be a great father and guess what? Brooke's search for her youngest's father is over *some chick in the audience screams wildly*, and sometimes you have a purpose. Ok? She had a purpose. She was disappointed so many times, I'm glad to say...that we've been able to help you with this child." Maury ended his little speech.

"WHOOOOOO!"

Brooke teared up and smiled, nodding along.

"Bully Ray, hey, you don't look it, but you're a real stand up guy!" he said, giving him a handshake.

"Ehh..." he scowled, storming backstage and shaking his head. Well, at least Brooke found another baby daddy, so she didn't give a crap about his attitude.

"We'll be back!" Maury announced.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: So that's probably it for the Brooke trilogy. I guess. Anyhoo, stay tuned for more!<strong>_


	20. WWE: Eve Torres and Zack Ryder!

**_AN: Thanks for the round of reviews on the last chapter, peeps! Now this one just may be my very favorite chapter out of all of them. Take a look. ;) _**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 20 - Eve Torres &amp; Zack Ryder <em>(COMEDY!)<em>**

Later...

"Last year, you might remember that we met a woman named Rosa Mendes, who came to the show to prove to her husband Zack Ryder, that he was the father of their daughter Lulu. Now, Zack denied the baby because his parents were claiming that Rosa cheated with men who worked on a FARM." Maury announced.

The audience laughed.

_Flashback..._

_In a video montage, Rosa was saying, "The day I met Zack, I knew I was going to end up being with him. His parents keep wrecking our marriage! I..I wish that I could just SMACK the hell out of his MOM!" she whined._

_Onstage, Zack's VERY grim looking parents were shown on the monitor, standing side by side like that painting of the farmer and his wife. Maury said, "You know what they say? It's because you were in the cornfields, and you came into contact with a lot of Hispanic people."_

_"I was two months pregnant." she announced._

_"LIAR!" Zack's parents screamed at the same time. It was quite hilarious._

_Later..._

_"This baby looks nothing like mah son!" exclaimed Zack's dad. "It looks icspanic!"_

_Later..._

_"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cried as the parents came onstage._

_Later..._

_"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM-YOU WHORE-ESTUPID!" nobody really knew what was said, but Rosa and the parents were in a LSD fueled screaming match resulting in Rosa screaming curses in espanol, her eyes bugging out, while Zack's mom slapped her pointing finger away._

_Later..._

_Zack Ryder himself SPRINTED onstage unannounced, trying to confront his wife and screaming parents at once! "STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" he screamed, about five security guards rushing to hold him back. "STOP, **PLEASE**!"_

_Later..._

_"THAT BABY DOES NOT LOOK LIKE YOU!" Zack's mom, who will be unnamed for the time being, screamed._

_"Does not look like me, it looks **ICSPANIC**, ZACKY HELP ME!" Zack's dad said that last part for no apparent reason._

_Later..._

_"It's not about being Mexican, **I LOVE MEXICANS!"** Zack's mom yelled. _

_"It's about YOU!" Rosa screamed._

_"No, it's about YOU!" Mom screamed back._

_"No, it's about **YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**!" Rosa belted out, her eyes widening._

_"YOU!" Mom yelled back._

_"**(BLEEEEEEEP!)**" Rosa screamed, about to attack his mother when Zack had to restrain her and hold her back, kicking and screaming. "NO, NO, NOOOO!"_

_**The DNA results are IN!**_

_"Zack, you ARE the father!" announced Maury._

_"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

_Zack and Rosa applauded, while Zack's dad leapt up and yelled, "THIS IS UNNACEPTABLE!"_

_"You have a grandchild now, and you have to assume that responsibility." Maury announced._

_"He HAS to! WE'RE THE GRANDPARENTS!" Zack's mom screamed. Well, no duh._

_Later backstage..._

_Zack was consoling Rosa while she cried, "I'm not a liar...I'm not a liar..."  
>Back to today...<em>

* * *

><p>"AWWWWWW!" called the crowd.<p>

"So we thought everyone was gonna go home, Rosa and Zack would be great, they now know that that was his child, everything would be fine, the parents would accept it...well, since the show, Rosa and Zack filed for divorce." announced Maury.

"AWWWW!"

"Which brings us to...everyone, this is Eve, welcome Eve to the show." he announced, gesturing to WWE's Eve Torres who was sitting alongside him onstage.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She smiled and waved.

"So, what does Eve have to do with this?" he asked.

She giggled.

"Because now, Eve...is in a relationship with Zack." he revealed.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" they exclaimed as Ryder was shown backstage.

"But Eve is not happy. Because the tables have turned! Today, Eve's mother Jackie, who is the meddling parent..."

"Oooooooohhhh..."

"Wait a sec, because Jackie claims that Zack is cheating on her daughter." he finished.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!"

"And sadly, due to some evidence that she's found, Eve is beginning to believe her mom!" he exclaimed. "You love Zack?"

"With all my heart, Maury." the Latina said tearfully. "I love that man, he's my hero!"

"AWWWWWWWWW!"

"What did you find in his pocket?" he asked.

"...I found a condom wrapper." she choked out.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!"

"That wasn't mine and WOO, WOO, WOO, YOU KNOW IT!" he screamed.

"This is a good one." Maury chuckled to himself.

"YOU KNOW IT!" he repeated.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"That was my BROSKI'S!" he continued screaming for reasons why nobody really understood lately.

"This is a _real _good one." he smirked. "Where did he say that condom wrapper came from?"

"He said that he let a friend borrow his pair of pants, and *audience boo!* and his friend gave them back to him, dirty." she explained.

Backstage, Jackie got all up in the camera's view and yelled, "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO HER!"

Zack yelled back, "WHAT?"

"WHY DO YOU THINK THAT SHE GAVE YOU THE-" screamed Jackie.

"I TELL YOU EVERY NIGHT THAT (BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)-" Angry Zack screamed back.

"YOU SORRY (BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!)" she continued.

"SHUT UP, JACKIE! STAY OUT OF OUR LIVES!" he continued.

"YOU DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT!" she snapped back.

Poor Eve just folded her hands in her lap and sadly looked down. Tsk Tsk.

"YOU CAN KISS MY ASS, WOMAN, FOR THE LAST TIME-"

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!" the crowd whooped while Maury was seen quietly snickering.

"YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT (BLEEP), EVE!" Jackie continued.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cheered the audience.

"_SHUT UUUUUP! SHE'S WITH ME! JUST BECAUSE (BLEEP) GOES WITH (BLEEEP)-_" Damn! Zack was flared up today! "...YOUR DAUGHTER!"

When the screamo moment was over, Maury said, "Ok, here's what Zack has to say, I hope he's not shouting in this..."

The crowd laughed.

* * *

><p>Montage time!<p>

Zack, in a nice, calmer tone, said, "Since the show, me and Rosa went our separate ways, and shortly after that, I met Eve. I love Eve with all my heart, but she needs to understand that I'm not cheating. A while ago, I let one of my broskis borrow my pants. Eve found a condom wrapper in there! And she needs to understand that it isn't mine! She also gets pissed that I delete my phone calls and my messages-I just don't like a dirty call log! To make matters worse, Eve runs to her mom Jackie, every time she thinks that I'm cheating! Are you serious, bro? I know what it's like having parents in your business. It ruins your relationship. This test today is gonna prove that I love Eve, and her mom needs to take care, spike her hair, and get the HELL out of our relationship, and I'll PROVE that I'm innocent!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd exclaimed as Zack was on his way to the stage. He signaled L I with his fingers and then waved his hands around to prove his innocence. He shook Maury's hand and sat next to Eve.

"You erase all of your messages, how can I tell?" Eve asked innocently and tearfully.

He was still pretty riled up. "You KNOW I love you! I CARE about you and-" he cried, pointing his finger about two inches from her nose with emphasis.

A guard had to approach him and slap his hand down.

"I care about you every day, baby! YOU KNOW THAT! Your mother Jackie's gonna get out, and she's gonna get out TODAY! TO HELL with her!" he exclaimed, desperately.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Just because of ME-"

"But she can't help it, she's my mom!" poor Eve insisted.

"DON'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT!" Jackie screamed from backstage.

"(BLEEP)...Doesn't mean that I'm gonna do you that way, baby!" he finished, determined to win her heart back.

"Zack, you haven't treated her badly, right?" asked Maury.

"No! I don't hit her, I don't talk bad to her! We just joke around and spike each other's hair sometimes, but-" he explained.

"What do you think of her body?" asked Maury. Wow, Maury, you're one curious old bastard, aren't you?

He gazed at her. "You kidding? She's PERFECT to me! If she wasn't perfect, I would never-I'd never even look at her!" he exclaimed while Eve teared up again and leaned into his shoulder as he hugged her. The audience cheered.

"How-"

"Wait, wait, wait, let me tell you something." he cut him off. "I met Eve backstage at Raw, and ever since then, we have been like *crosses fingers* this, until THAT WOMAN GETS INTO OUR RELATIONSHIP!" he screamed the last part, pointing towards Jackie.

"That's right, because WHO put me in there? SHE DID! Because-" she was cut off when Zack went into full Incredible Hulk mode and stormed towards the screen, screaming, "(BLEEEP BLEEP!)

"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT!" she called. "THAT'S MY CHILD!"

Uh oh! Angry mom storms on stage next!

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered.

Maury had to stand in between everyone while she kept screaming, "So it's like THAT? You're living in that run down piece of (BLEEP), my daughter walks in-"

"YOU'RE DAMN 40 MILES AWAAAAY!" Zack screamed in her face.

"That's RIGHT, I'm 40 miles away!"

Eve tried to keep the peace between them, but to no avail. Bless her heart.

"We're gonna take care of this TODAY!" he finished.

"NO!" she yelled back.

"Ok, ok, take a seat, everyone!" exclaimed Maury.

"You're out of our lives." Zack pointed towards Jackie.

"No, I'm NOT!"

"Jackie!" called the host.

"YOU BETTER-"

"WE'RE GONNA SEE TO THIS TODAY!" Zack screamed back.

"Stop, STOOOOP!" Poor Eve exclaimed, holding Zack back.

"You kiss my (BLEEP!)" he called back to her mother.

"You kiss MY (BLEEP!)" she snapped back. "Honey, you better have an appetite, cause I've got plenty of ass!" Whoa!

"I know you do!" Zack called back.

The pervy camera dude decided to get a quick shot of her ass for good measure. Then, she sat on the far end of the stage.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Shhhhh." Maury tried to simmer down all the chaos. "Shh. Jackie, why are you involved in their relationship?"

"I am a single parent, and that girl calls me crying about (BLEEP) this man does! Like that web show, and spiking his hair, and the 'WOO WOO WOO' crap that he does! Why WOULDN'T I get involved, Maury?" she exclaimed, to more audience cheers. "What kind of parent would NOT step up to that plate?"

"You think he's using her?" asked the host.

"YES, I DO!"

"STOP! Let me clear this up!" Eve exclaimed.

"Eve-" she began.

"LET HER TALK!" Zack cried back.

"Ok, now I lived with my mom for most of my adult life, 22 years. I met Zack, and I started going over to his place all the time. I started spending the night, I was basically living there, and I finally moved out of my mom's house, and moved in with Zack at his house, and-" she began.

"In his MOMMA'S GARAGE!" Jackie cleared things up for us.

"NO!" yelled Zack.

"It's not a GARAGE!" Eve exclaimed. "It is not a garage!"

"No, no, HEY!" Zack cried, waving his arms around while the audience was laughing at him. "It is called a Mother in Law's Quarters!"

LOL WUT?

"It's not a garage!" Eve repeated.

"If you don't know what a Mother in Law's Quarters' is..." he began.

"STILL A GARAGE!" Jackie screamed.

"It's got a WALL- DON'T LISTEN TO HER! There's carpets, there's walls, there's insulation, and (BLEEP), it's got a roof, a kitchen, a bedroom, AND a bathroom!" he explained.

Home and Garden magazine will be calling those two shortly.

"ALL RIGHT!" exclaimed Maury. "We're not looking to sell a garage here, all right?"

He's got jokes! The audience laughed along.

"Now, why don't we all calm down, and maybe the lie detector results will prove everything." he said calmly.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

_**The results are IN!**_

"Zack, we asked you that when Eve found an open condom wrapper in your pocket, did you use the condom to have sexual intercourse with another woman, you said no. The lie detector determined...that was a LIE!" he announced.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"_**WHAT?"**_Zack demanded in utter shock. _**"WHAAAATTT? WHAT?"**_

_**"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

Jackie approached Eve and tried to take her away with her.

"NO!" Zack yelled. "NOOO!"

While he stormed backstage, poor Eve looked back and forth before sobbing, "No, I want a retest, IwannaretestIdon'tbelieveit..." she whined, looking at the camera.

Meanwhile, the camera followed a pissed off Zack backstage while Maury continued onstage, "We asked Zack, when he disappears to take a walk, is he sleeping with another woman. He said no, the lie detector test determined, that was a LIE."

Backstage, Zack punched a hole into a wall, while Jackie exclaimed to Eve, "See, Eve, NOW you know what I'm talking about!"

"We asked Zack, is he using Eve for money because she buys him things. He said no-"

"YEEES!" interrupted Jackie.

"The lie detector determined, that was a lie." he continued.

"OH!"

Eve tearfully shook her head. "I don't believe it! I don't believe it."

"It-IT'S TRUE!" Jackie cried. "IT'S THE TRUTH!"

"No, it's not!" Eve tried to tell herself. Poor girl was blinded by love.

"We asked Zack, during his relationship with Eve, how many times he's had sexual intercourse with another woman. He said none, the lie detector determined, that was a lie, more than five times." he continued.

"OH!"

"And we asked Zack one more time-" but he was cut off when an irate Jackie stormed backstage to confront Zack.

"No, mom, NO!" Eve tried to stop her.

* * *

><p>After the show...<p>

"You listen to ME!" Jackie called backstage towards Zack. Eve tried to calm her down. "I KNEW YOU-"

Zack's angry head emerged into the doorway screaming, "I DID **NOOOT**!"

Hoards of security guards had to restrain him.

"I TOLD you! I TOLD YOU!" Jackie yelled, pointing at him.

"_**STOOOP!"**_ Eve screamed. She followed Zack.

"That's MY child!" Jackie continued. "MY CHILD!"

"Zacky, please calm down, ok?" Eve pleaded.

"YOU get out of here!" Zack yelled, pointing towards her mother. "GET OUT OF HERE." he cried in a strangely low, gravelly voice.

Later...

"I'm sorry!" he pleaded to Eve. "I know I may have *sobs* deceived you, but I still love you more than anyone in this world, baby! I'm SO sorry!"

"Actions speak louder than words!" Jackie screeched.

Eve hugged him.

"Eve baby, DON'T YOU GO BACK TO THAT GODDAMN (BLEEEEEP), I'M WARNING YOU!" Jackie screamed.

"But mom..." she said tearfully.

Maury VO: "But the question remained - Would Eve go home with her mother, or her boyfriend, Zack?"

Later...

"Zacky, I don't care what you've done, I still LOVE you." she told him. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You know that, right?"

He nodded. "Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, too." he replied.

"I only brought you here because I needed to know the truth." she continued.

The executive producer dude said, "Are you going to be faithful from now on?"

He nodded. "Yes, yes I will, bro."

Then, they embraced in a hug, and a rainbow appeared in the sky!

Maury VO: "Seems like Eve has made her choice!"

"I love you." she exclaimed.

"I love you, too." he replied.

So that was a happy ending...I guess.

* * *

><p>-Advertisement! Cue dancy pop elevator music-<p>

Maury VO: "The drama! The excitement! Come to the Maury show and be part of our studio audience! For free tickets, call: 212-244-7545, OR, write to:

The Maury Show

15 Penn Plaza

The Grand Ballroom

New York, NY 10001

We'll save a seat for you!"

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Hope ya liked it! Stay tuned for more in the future!<em>**


	21. UPDATE: TNA: ODB & Eric Young

**_AN: Hey peeps, I know it's been an extremely long update with this, but with a suggestion from an awesome friend of mine, I'll post some Maury update chapters to see where our favorite guests have gone or done since their appearances on the show! But updates won't come AS quick, since I have other commitments at hand. Anyhoo, enjoy!_**

* * *

><p><span>Eric Young and ODB - Honeymoon Sex Fail<span>

Maury was sitting in front of some crowd members who were also sitting onstage, and this change of scenery only meant one thing - an update show!

"Ok, now we definitely couldn't have an update show without two of our favorite characters, ODB and Eric Young. Y'see, when we first met ODB, she came to us convinced that her boyfriend Eric was cheating, while she was laid out in a hospital bed for **36** days!"

"OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!" the crowd exclaimed.

"Take a look."

* * *

><p><em>Flashback...<em>

_Backstage, EY was shown combing his beard while ODB explained, "I was in the goddamned hospital for 36 days for accidentally shootin' myself in the foot!"_

_"WHOA!" the crowd exclaimed._

_"How did you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot?" asked Maury._

_"I thought that Eric was heading out to cheat on me, so I was shootin' towards him to steer him straight and keep him home with me, but I missed and the bullet ricocheted and got me in the foot." she explained, taking a swig of her liquor from her trusty flask. "And while I was in that damned hospital, he only visited me ONE time! *audience 'AWW'* He sent me ONE letter-" _

_..._

_..."But then, he disappears at night, doesn't he?" he asked._

_"Yeah at night, he goes jogging for 3 hours, about 10:00 at night!" she snapped. _

_Maury was laughing along with the audience._

_"Who the hell goes jogging for 3 hours at night time? Get with it, the Bradys are right down the road, go there, get your 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' and come right back home and say to me, 'I LHUUUVE yooou!'" she cried, half drunk. "Ridiculous!"_

_The audience whooped with laughter and applauded at this._

_Eric's backstage segment:_

_"Everytime I turn around, ODB's always accusing me of cheatin' and I'm not. In fact, ODB's breaking my heart by thinking that I'm doing this to her. She said that I had cheated on her with two of her friends while she was in the hospital, and I did NOT! We're two kids in love, damn it! I'm here today to prove my innocence, move on forward, and put this behind us so we can have our fairytale wedding!" _

_Later..._

_EY ran downstairs in his wrestling attire. His arms were in the air and he grappled Maury for a moment when he approached him, and then ran a victory lap across the stage before the stagehands had to calm him down and lead him into his seat. The crowd was in a mix between boos and laugher, as ODB cried, "Sit your happy ass down, ya moron!"_

_..._

_"Why didn't you visit your fiancee more than one time?" asked Maury. _

_"Because when she was in the hospital, Maury, it really hurt me emotionally and physically! I felt a...tug at my heart knowing that she was probably given sponge baths by strange men in there!" he exclaimed, but the crowd wasn't buying it. _

_"I don't buy that crap excuse! You're supposed to stand by your woman! He wasn't there!" she exclaimed as the crowd cheered in her favor again._

* * *

><p><em>Back to today...<em>

"So then, the lie detector results were about to be revealed, but before we got to that, it was time to show ODB what we caught Eric doing on hidden camera..." Maury began.

* * *

><p><em>Flashback...<em>

_Hidden camera - **"Oh, you haven't seen anything yet! So...you wanna see it?" he asked.**_

_**OMG! He EXPOSES himself! This part was not aired for obvious reasons.**_

_After the tape finished, the crowd cried out in disapproval, and then began sending their boos towards Eric._

_ODB dropped her flask and gave him a shocked look. "You SORRY (BLEEEEEEEEEEEP!) I'M GONNA KILL YA!" she screamed, leaping up and charging towards him, and the crowd cheered and laughed once Eric got terrified, and ran for his life by speeding back upstairs and backstage. She WAS strong enough to possibly kill him, after all. "'Ey, 'EY! You wanna butt full of FOOT?" she screamed after him, as three security guards had to hold her back. _

_"ODB, calm down!" cried Maury. "You need to settle down, all right?"_

_"NO! STOP IT! IT'S OVER!" she shouted to nobody in particular._

_**The Lie Detector Results are IN!**_

_Maury continued, "You were asked if you cheated on ODB with one of her friends while she was at the hospital. You said no, the lie detector determined, that was a lie, you had a threesome with those three girls more than one time."_

_"OOOOOOOOHHHH!"_

_Eric just twiddled his thumbs and stayed quiet, while ODB shook her head, took another swig of her liquor, and tossed the empty flask, which hit him on the head._

_"OW!" he cried._

_She leapt up again. "You can get your goddamned bags and get the hell up outta my house, cause you ain't staying with me anymore, that is IT! Go back to your daddy's! GO BACK TO YOUR DADDY'S!" she screamed._

_Backstage..._

_"WHY did you do that to me?" she demanded. "I'MA KILL YOU!"_

_"I-I'm just a MAN, damn it!" Eric cried, before stepping in a room and slamming the door in her face._

_"Well, you can just go on back to your daddy's cause you ain't seeing *slaps her jugs* THESE babies no more! BAM!" she cried._

* * *

><p><em>Back to today...<em>

"Wow..." the crowd murmured.

"So, ODB swore it was over. So we were all shocked when we found out that not only did she take Eric back..." he began.

"Ooh..."

"They got engaged."

"OHH!"

"But before she agreed to walk down the aisle, she wanted Eric to take ONE...FINAL...lie detector test."

"WHOO!" they cheered.

* * *

><p><em>New never before seen flashback!<em>

_Eric and ODB were sitting onstage alongside Maury, with him wearing speedos and a bow tie, and ODB wearing a camouflage wedding gown that suited her perfectly. Maury was a little weirded out by EY's attire, though._

_"We asked you that since the show, have you cheated on ODB with ANYBODY, you said no...you're telling the truth!" he exclaimed._

_"YEAH, BABAAAYY!" ODB cheered, sharing a hot, yet sloppy kiss with Eric while he did this victory run back and forth across the stage. "WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!" he cheered, while the audience gave them a standing ovation and applauded._

_The two were sloppily kissing backstage before they fell to the floor, making out and rolling all over the ground. Some employees backstage were afraid and sort of ran for cover._

_Back to today..._

* * *

><p>"So Eric passed! And in celebration of this momentous occasion and with the help of our friends from the McDonald's Restaurant, Hotel, and Casino, located in Las Vegas, Nevada, we threw them a wedding!" Maury tried to say over the overlapping chatter and laughter of the crowd, once a freeze-framed shot of ODB screaming with her mouth wide open riled them up. This was all the backstage production crew's doing. The host continued, "In true ODB and EY style, though, it was a DRAMA FILLED EVENT!" he shouted over the crowd's laughter. "Watch!"<p>

* * *

><p>In Vegas...<p>

Maury VO: "It was finally ODB and Eric's wedding day, and they seemed to be ready to take the plunge."

Out in the sunny Nevada streets, the happy couple were first shown kissing some more, scaring some spectators in the process, and then happily holding hands and skipping down the road. Eric was still wearing his speedos, by the way.

VO: "And what better place to tie the knot than Las Vegas?"

(Cue techno-pop music while the signs and bright lights of Vegas were shown. Nice stock footage.)

VO: "Once they arrived to the McDonald's Restaurant, Hotel, and Casino, they were ready to tie the knot."

(Cue HAPPY dance-techno music while clips of the couple getting prepared were shown next. EY had to comb his beard at least 15 times for the occasion.)

VO: "Just like any other wedding, though, this one was full of drama."

ODB was talking to the one of the employees there, a guy in a Grimace costume. "I'm just scared that that boy's gon' cheat on me again and it ain't gonna work!" she cried. "I brought my trusty rifle just in case."

Grimace gave her a warm, toasty hug to make things feel all better.

Soon enough, it was wedding time! Grimace, the Hamburgalar, and Birdie were all acting as witnesses, as Ronald McDonald officiated the event. The wedding march played while the double 'M' doors opened to reveal ODB in all of her camouflage awesomeness, heading down the short aisle, with Eric smiling all the way. He even teared up a little. No wait, he had some dust in his eye. Soon enough, the vows began.

ODB began, "I promise..."

Eric added, "From this day forward..."

ODB continued, "To stay together..."

Eric finished, "For as long as we both shall live."

Birdie shed a tear and cried over Grimace's shoulder.

"You may now seal your marriage with a kiss! And ba da da ba ba! You're LOVIN' it!" Ronald exclaimed.

The two crashed into yet another sloppy kiss to seal the deal!

"Babycakes, I'm sorry for everything I put you through in the past and let's just look forward to the future and the nine kids that we're eventually gonna have!" EY exclaimed as the happy couple each took some chicken nugget appetizers and strolled off, arm in arm.

"These nuggets are GOOD!" she exclaimed. As they walked off through the double doors, the doors closed onto the end of her long dress, trapping her there.

Maury VO: "After an emotional wedding, it was time for Eric and ODB to have a fun filled honeymoon!"

"Whoo hoo!" Eric cheered as ODB lifted HIM over the threshold!

Later, the two were in their hotel room...

ODB told the cameraman, "We appreciate everything, thank y'all very much..."

"But you know what time it is now, it's time to knock some boots!" Eric exclaimed, grinning. "BYE!"

ODB spanked him. "BAM!" she cried before the door slammed in the camera guy's face.

Maury VO: "These two lovebirds had no idea what would happen next..."

Later that same night...

Ambulance sirens were heard! Uh oh.

"Maury, we just asked for some privacy, and now it landed us at the damn hospital." Eric told the camera guy. "But no worries, ODB's okay, and she's gonna make a full recovery! But remember what they say about Vegas! Haha!"

_"Eric, get yer happy ass over here!"_ she called from a distance.

"Whoops, see ya later, Maury." he called, speeding off.

* * *

><p>Back in the studio...<p>

"We don't exactly know HOW she got injured..." Maury began with the audience's laughter in the background. "Or WHAT she injured..."

"HAHAHAHA!"

"But you and I know, what happens in Vegas..."

You know the rest, kids!

"...STAYS in Vegas!" the crowd joined in.

"I don't know what happened to those two, but all I'm gonna tell you is that it happened behind closed doors! So you figure it out...FOR...YOUR...SELF." Maury exclaimed, emphasizing those words with some pelvic thrusts!

Actually, that's pretty gross once you think about a 72 year old doing that.

"WHOOOOO!" the crowd whooped.

"Good luck to ya, ODB and Eric, we'll be right back after this!"

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: More guest updates coming soon!<em>**


	22. UPDATE: WWE: CM Punk, AJ, & Daniel Bryan

**_AN: I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I updated this, but after witnessing this whole AJ/Punk/Bryan stuff on Raw and Smackdown lately, I just had to make a unique update chapter for these three. Hope you'll enjoy! _**

* * *

><p><em><strong>UPDATESEGMENT:**__** Daniel Bryan, AJ, and CM Punk - Cheater Marries Cheater While Cheating; Cheater then CHEATS on Cheater!**_

Maury was sitting in front of the crowd when he said, "Ok, now our next update is one unbelievable one and involves three different guests from different shows!"

"OOOOOOHHHHHH!" the crowd exclaimed.

"See, I'm sure you all remember CM Punk. He was brought on our show before because he was accused by FOUR different women that he was the father of their-get this-SIX different children!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!" they cried in surprise as if they'd never watched that particular episode before. Liars.

"And to make things worse, he was engaged at the time to another woman named Ashley! Take a look."

* * *

><p><em>Flashback - the women's backstage segment...<em>

_Candice began, "My name's Candice, and my son Caleb is only six months old!"_

_Traci added, "My name's Traci and I'm tired of Punk being a part time dad to my two beautiful baby girls! "_

_Christy added, "My name is Christy, and I believe that Punk is the father of my two sons Liam and Drew." _

_Beth finished, "MY NAME'S BETH! And Punk knows DAMN well that he's my son Arnold's father!" _

_"Today, these results are gonna prove one thing and one thing only..." began Candice. "Punk-"_

_All four: "YOU **ARE** THE FATHER!"_

_Punk's backstage segment..._

_"Well, folks, these four women are damn good liars! I don't have any reason to trust any of em. Now I am taking my life in a completely different direction, as I am soon going to be married to my beautiful fiancee Ashley. We're going to put all this crap behind us, and if I'm not the father, ladies, good luck in finding your baby daddies." the Superstar finished, smirking._

_..._

_Punk shook his head, and took the chair to the FAR end of the stage. He was in enemy territory. "Hey, hey listen, I tried to take it easy on these HOES!" he shouted over all the noise._

_"HOES?" yelled Traci._

_"(BLEEP!) please!" Punk finished._

_After all the chaos was settled down, Maury said, "Ok Punk, I gotta ask you this. Just how many kids do you have?"_

_"Well, Maury, I gotta be honest, I probably have...five." he admitted. "They're spread out all over the country."_

_"OOOOOOOOOHHH!"_

_Punk turned to the girls. "You all know you're liars, I don't know why you're putting me through all this!"_

_..._

_"Oh, don't get on TV and act like a wuss, when we're at home, what do you say to me, Punk?" Candice demanded._

_"I'm never at your damn house with you, so I don't know what the hell you're talking about!" he argued._

_"OOOOOOOOOHHH!"_

_"You're a man whore, (BLEEP!) a MAN WHORE-(BLEEP!)-Hey, you (BLEEP!) SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" they both screamed at once._

_..._

_Maury tried again and said, "All right, let's end this once and for all, because I have the results right here."_

_"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered. Ashley smirked and halfheartedly clapped along._

_**The results are IN!**_

_"Ok, we're gonna start with you, Candice." announced Maury. "When it comes to 6 month old Caleb, Punk...you ARE the father!...In the case of 3 year old Laura, Punk...you ARE the father!...When it comes to Christy's five year old son Liam, Punk...you ARE the father!...When it comes to six year old Drew, Punk...you ARE the father!...And finally Beth, when it comes to Arnold, Punk...you ARE the father!" Maury finished._

_**SIX **more kids for Punk! HIGH SCORE!_

_Right after that, Beth lunged to attack Punk at the same time Punk leapt up to confront her, but about ten security guards had to hold EVERYONE back as they were all trying to get a piece of the Straightedge Superstar. Ashley leapt onstage and contributed to the madness by cursing all the girls out!_

_**Backstage...**_

_Ashley and Punk were still together, confronting the girls backstage._

_"And you all better get your (BLEEP) together, because Punk is still MINE, and those kids are gonna be around ME now! ME!" Ashley cried._

_"You're all a bunch of HOES!" Punk added._

_"Look at my engagement ring, none of you can bring me down!" she added, flashing her finger around as Punk laughed evilly and pointed towards the other girls._

* * *

><p>Back to today...<p>

"OOOOOOOOHHHHH!-WOW!" the crowd exclaimed.

"Well, now we have an update on these two. Turns out that Punk couldn't handle his responsibilities and wanted to be a free man, so in a shocking move, he broke off his engagement with Ashley..." Maury began, to more of a reaction to the crowd. "...and CHEATED on her with ANOTHER woman that we've had on THIS show, you may know her as...AJ."

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone exclaimed as a screenshot of her and Daniel Bryan was shown on the monitor.

"Now before we move on, let's revisit AJ's story. See, she was here claiming that her boyfriend at the time Daniel Bryan was out cheating on her, when he argued that he was just out at his second job at the pickle factory." he said while the audience laughed. "Here's their story."

* * *

><p><em>Flashback...<em>

_"(BLEEP) claims that smell is there because he's covered in pickle juice from his 2nd job at the pickle factory!" Maury exclaimed._

_"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the crowd roared._

_The tiny Diva was pissed, though. "WHO in their right mind doesn't know the difference between pickle-I LOVE pickles! Okay?" she asked._

_"HAHA!" laughed Maury, along with the crowd._

_"Who doesn't know the difference between pickles, and raunchy, stanking (BLEEP!)?" she began as the crowd applauded. "WHO doesn't know the difference, huh?"_

_..._

_Daniel's backstage segment..._

_I LOVE AJ! I would never cheat on her. We've been together for the last 4 months, and I wouldn't leave that for anything. Just because a woman knocks on the door doesn't mean that I'm having sex with her! So what? I work around pickles, the pickles get on me, and they smell bad. When I get home, that's what it smells like. AJ, I love you, I would never break your heart, OR cheat on you!"_

_..._

_"Pickle juice! PICKLE JUICE! PICKLE JUICE! PICKLE JUICE!" some people in the crowd chanted as Daniel came out. LMAO!_

_"STOP IT, stop it!" exclaimed Maury._

...

_"Now Daniel, AJ's been talking a lot about this one particular girl in the neighborhood. You know who she's talking about, right?" asked Maury._

_He nodded. "Yeah."_

_"But you didn't do anything with her, right?" he asked._

_"No, I did not, Maury. She didn't hear anything." he replied._

_"You are lying, and you KNOW you're lying!" AJ exclaimed angrily, crossing her arms._

_**The results are IN!**_

_He began, "Since you've been with AJ, have you had sex with any other woman besides her. You said no, and the lie detector determined...that was a LIE."_

_AJ snapped and immediately began attacking him before a couple of security guards sped there to break them up._

_"OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

_"I KNEW YOU WERE (BLEEP!) I KNEW IT! (BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!)" the tiny Diva screamed as the guard had to lift her and take her to the opposite side of the stage as the crowd roared and laughed._

_"I didn't do anything!" Bryan cried, rather unconvincingly._

_Since you've been with AJ, have you had sex with the woman from the neighborhood who came knocking on the door. You said no, the lie detector test determined, THAT was a lie!" he continued._

_"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!"_

_Daniel leapt up, upset. "Now that's a (BLEEP)ing lie-Oh, excuse me." he quietly corrected himself. "That's a LIE!"_

_"Oh, NO!" AJ exclaimed, not believing this._

_"We asked Daniel, have you ever cheated on AJ in your own house with that woman from the neighborhood-" he began, but stopped upon seeing AJ taking off her shoes and getting ready to throw one of them towards her soon to be ex-boyfriend._

_(BLEEEEEEEEEEEP BLEEEEEEEEEP!)_

_"No, no, no, don't do that!" exclaimed Maury._

_"I WANT him out of my house!" she yelled. _

_"No, we're taking another lie detector test or something, this is bull!" Bryan exclaimed._

_"Have you ever cheated on AJ in your own house with that woman from the neighborhood you said no, the lie detector test determined, THAT was a lie." he finished._

_"OH!"_

_AJ reeled and shook her head, as Bryan exclaimed, "That's a-NAW, man!"_

_"STOP LYING! LET ME GO! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" the tiny Diva unleashed a rage that nobody's ever seen before._

_"No, no, NO!" exclaimed Maury._

_"AJ you KNOW this is all a lie!" he argued._

_"Oh SHUT UP! You've lost me, damn it, after ALL that I did and sacrificed for YOU!" she screamed. "I would've lied down my life for you and you KNOW it!"_

_"AWWWW!"_

_"That lie detector isn't right! You know it isn't right, I'd never cheat on you!" Bryan exclaimed._

_"I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU, DANIEL, EVERYTHING!" she screamed._

_"Calm down, AJ, CALM DOWN!" exclaimed Maury._

_"Baby, be reasonable!" he exclaimed._

_"No, you are DONE!" she snapped, storming offstage._

* * *

><p>Back to today...<p>

"DAMN!-WHOA!" the crowd exclaimed while Maury sat there with that smug look on his face.

"Now here's what brings us to a past update show that we had. On that show, it seemed that AJ had broken up with Bryan, buuut...a month later, she took him back."

"OOOOOOOHHHHHH!-NAW!"

"But THEN, AJ just happened to meet CM Punk at the Waffle House, and what happens? Take a look at the monitor." he said, hearing the audience in a crazy uproar among seeing AJ and Punk in a past backstage shot, kissing wildly and without a care in the world.

"Yep." Maury smiled. "Take a look."

* * *

><p><em>Never before seen flashback!<em>

_There was a mixed reaction from the crowd as the tiny Diva and the Straightedge Superstar came onstage. She was holding his hand and skipping, nearly causing Punk to trip and fall down the stairs, but he kept it cool. After shaking Maury's hand, they took a seat next to him. Kane was in the audience as well, front row to be exact. And he was NOT happy upon seeing Punk taking HIS girl._

_"AJ, Punk, great to see you both! Now, how in the world did you two end up together?" he asked._

_"Well, we both just happened to go to the Waffle House on the same day, we shared our horrible experiences on your show - no offense - bonded over some blueberry waffles and hooked up." Punk announced._

_"But what about all of those kids? Are you still in their lives?" _

_"I come over once every 3 months, but I'm only doing this for THEM, I don't want to deal with any of their WHORES that they call mothers!" Punk snapped, to some boos from the crowd. _

_"And what about your fiancee Ashley?" he asked._

_"Cheated on her with this cutie over here." Punk smiled, wrapping an arm around AJ. _

_"Actually...hee hee..." AJ began, giggling like crazy. "He cheated on her and I'm cheating on Daniel, and Punkers and I got married just 3 hours ago! Heee heee!"_

_"**OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!**" the crowd cried, shocked._

_"Three hours ago?" Maury cried. "Oh, my goodness. So let's get things clear here. Punk, you cheated on Ashley with AJ, AJ, you cheated on Daniel with Punk, and now you two are married."_

_"Sick, huh?" Punk smiled as if this was a normal thing. "I dig Waffle House and I dig Crazy Chicks."_

_AJ was still smiling and giggling, kicking her legs back and forth like a sugar fueled little girl._

_"Well, believe it or not, Daniel's here today." Maury announced as Bryan himself was shown backstage wearing his trademark YES shirt, as the crowd reacted even more. _

_"YES! YES! YES! YES!" he chanted as AJ and Punk exchanged looks._

_"And Daniel's a friend of yours, right, Punk?" asked Maury._

_"OOOOOOOHHHH!"_

_"Yeah, weeeelll...till now." he shrugged._

_"All right, well he has no idea about any of this, so AJ, you're gonna have to tell him everything. Daniel, come on out!"_

_"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience cheered as he galloped onstage, chanting 'YES' the whole way through._

_"Great to see you again, Daniel, have a seat right here." he said. "Now Daniel-"_

_"YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!"_

_"Daniel-"_

_"YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!"_

_"SHUT UP!" AJ snapped._

_He shut up._

_Maury smiled. "Ok. Now Daniel, you surprised to be here again, huh?"_

_"Yes."_

_"You happy to be back with AJ again?"_

_"Yes." he nodded._

_"Well, uh, you surprised to see Punk here, as well?"_

_"Yes."_

_The audience laughed._

_"Ok, well I'm sure you won't be saying yes for very long because AJ has a secret to tell you. AJ, turn to Daniel and tell him the secret." Maury said._

_"Oooooohhhhh..." the crowd murmured._

_She turned to him and sighed, before breaking into a huge grin. "Hi."_

_"...Hi?"_

_"Soooo...I know we just got back together even after you cheated on me, but...I hooked up with Punk and I've been cheating on you with him." she announced, STILL smiling. "Hee hee."_

_"WHAT?" he demanded, leaping up. "Are you SERIOUS, AJ?"  
><em>

_"Mm mmm!" she shook her head. "In fact, Punkers and I got married just a few hours ago!" she exclaimed._

_"MARRIED?" Daniel cried, angrily tossing aside some pillows. Then, he approached Punk. "WHY? Don't you have twelve kids to support?"_

_He gave him a look. "Eleven kids."_

_"Daniel, sit down!" Maury cried._

_"NO! AJ, I know that I cheated on you, but I thought we put all of this past us!" he argued._

_"Hmm...yeah. But I love Punk now and we're meant to be." she twitched a little. "Giggle."_

_"You know what, forget you people! FORGET YOU ALL!" Daniel cried, storming upstairs and backstage while Maury called after him, "Daniel! Come back on stage!"_

_"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO...!" he chanted, heading off._

* * *

><p>Back to today..<p>

The audience laughed again, when Maury continued, "Ok, now uh, the story's not exactly over just yet. The next chapter in their incredible story brings us to today. AJ's back, but she doesn't look too happy now, does she?"

"No!" the crowd replied, seeing a sniffling AJ on the monitor backstage. "Awwwwww!"

"Before we get to the story, let's bring out AJ. AJ, come on out!"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" everyone cheered once the tiny Diva skipped downstairs and quietly took her seat, still sniffling.

"Nice to see you again, AJ."

"Nice-Nice to see you too, Maury." she uttered.

"Ok, so let's get things cleared for everyone here. AJ's here today because when she first laid eyes on her now-husband, CM Punk, it was love at first sight." he said as the crowd cried, "AWWW!"

Punk's smirking face was shown backstage.

"We-we met at Waffle House!" she cried.

"But the problem was, both AJ and Punk were involved with other people, remember that." he continued.

"WHOA!" they cried. Duh, people, Maury had JUST explained this 5 minutes ago!

"But as their feelings grew, they eventually left their spouses for each other." he said while AJ nodded and...twitched a little. "But now AJ thinks that it might've been a mistake."

"Oooohhhhhh..."

"Because now AJ thinks that Punk is CHEATING on _her _in their own home!"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

"This is so-so WRONG! Punk is supposed to be my soulmate, he's my everything! We were supposed to have a family together, and a puppy and a kitty and a white picket fence with the little-" she rambled on almost psychotically when Maury cut her off.

"AJ-"

"_I"M NOT FINISHED!_ I left my boyfriend for him and now Punk's probably cheating on me!" she snapped. "I would never cheat on HIM!"

"What do you have in your hand?" he asked, seeing the paper that she was holding.

"I found a note, and an EARRING! It's not even mine! Why's it in MY house?" she demanded, crushing the paper in the palm of her hand. "And I found it in the bed frame of our bed which was BROKEN! And I know that it wasn't broken from us because we don't even HAVE sex anymore!"

"OOOOOOOHHHHH!"

Punk casually stood backstage with an indifferent expression on his face, chewing some gum. Doublemint gum, by the way.

"Ok, here's what Punk has to say, take a look." Maury began.

_Backstage..._

"I can't believe my wife AJ's accusing me of cheating on her!" he exclaimed. "I know that I've been on Maury's show, being involved with four different hoes and their baby daddy drama, but that's all behind me! I cheated on my ex-fiancee Ashley with AJ because I love HER and want to be with HER! Daniel may have betrayed her in the past, but that's not me because I am a CHANGED MAN! I said it before and I said it again. AJ, I dig Crazy Chicks like you, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd believe me, because babe, I am the BEST IN THE WORLD!"

Back onstage...

"Everyone, welcome back CM Punk! Punk, come on out!" Maury called.

The boos from the crowd began once again as the Straightedge Superstar arrived with his arms outstretched and mouthing, 'BEST IN THE WORLD, BABY!'

"Hey, Punk, how you doing? Welcome back." Maury said, shaking his hand.

"Hey, Povich, how are ya?" he smiled, before taking a seat next to AJ and giving her a kiss on the cheek. She replied by throwing herself onto him and wrapping him in a wildly passionate kiss, to the point where two security guards had to come and pull her off of him so that he could breathe.

"Punk, do you love her?" asked the host.

AJ held up the strange earring while Punk glanced at it and tossed it somewhere into the audience. Oh, and by the way, Kane just happened to be in the front row of the crowd again. He was silently chastising Punk for making _his _AJ upset.

"That's not my earring; I don't know where it came from." CM replied.

"You don't know? 'I DON'T KNOOOOOWWW!'" AJ imitated, yelling at him.

"So that note that she's holding is 5 years old, it isn't new?" asked Maury.

"Yup, a note from one of those hoes that I've been dealing with." he nodded calmly.

AJ's eyes bugged out and she stood up screaming and shredding the paper. "WHAT? Five years and you're STILL carrying this thing?"

Punk stood up to face her. "Hey, HEY! See, this why you and I have problems, you need to calm the hell down!" he exclaimed.

"Calm DOWN? YOU calm down!" she snapped, tossing the shredded papers in his face.

"YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH!" Punk yelled back, losing his temper and his patience. "You're a psycho!"

"Oh yeah? You weren't calling me a psycho when you were in bed with me!" she challenged back.

"OH!" the crowd exclaimed, cheering.

"Punk!" called Maury.

"I'm NOT lying to you, baby!" he exclaimed, sitting back down.

"How did the bed break?"

"I dunno, Maury, I don't sit there and look underneath the bed everyday!" Punk replied.

"LIAR!" AJ screamed, pointing a finger in his face.

_"STOP it!"_ he cried, a little annoyed. "God!"

"Well, obviously you all have gone through a lot, cause you've been trying to have a child together..." the host began.

"SHE wanted a kid, I already have 11 altogether! I DID have five, but once I come on YOUR show again, I gain six more!" Punk argued. "I got enough unpaid child support to deal with as it is!"

"OOOOHHHH!"

"We were meant to be together, Punkers! We were meant to have a family and grow old together and everything!" AJ whined.

"..._What?" _Punk questioned in disbelief. "You're psycho!"

"This lie detector test is gonna solve everything, right?" asked Maury.

"God help me." Punk muttered.

AJ nodded and said in a small voice, "That's good."

"I've told her everything I've done!" CM exclaimed.

_**The results are IN!**_

"All right, here we go." he said, grabbing an envelope as the crowd cheered. "We asked you if the note written in green ink that AJ discovered come from a woman that you were having sex with. You said no, the lie detector determined...you were telling the truth."

"WHOOOOOOO!"

"SEE? SEE?" Punk cried while AJ was silently rocking back and forth.

He continued, "We asked you if you ever had sexual contact with the female coworker who called your phone while you were at Six Flags with AJ. You said no, the lie detector determined...that was a LIE."

**"OH, MY GOOOOODDD!" **Psycho AJ screeched, leaping out of her chair and shoving Punk and his chair back to where he fell to the floor.

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" the crowd roared while two security guards rushed to help Punk back up and restrain AJ.

"Hey, HEY! You left me no choice, you follow me EVERYWHERE I GO!" Punk shouted.

"NOOOO! I HATE YOU! You're supposed to pay attention to ME!" the Diva screamed, punching at him when the crowd roared and Maury had to pull her back.

"Hey, stop that! Stop hitting him!" he scolded her. "Now, have you ever had sex with your one of your ex girlfriends during your relationship with AJ, you said no, the lie detector determined...that was a LIE."

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!"

AJ looked devastated and fell to her knees, crazily pounding the floor and screaming a muffled, _"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"_

"Baby, I TOLD you about that time! She just came out of the shower and I was feeling horny, remember?" Punk called. "I have needs, too!"

"We asked you, have you ever had sex with another woman in the same bed that you share with AJ. You ADMITTED to our lie detector administrator, that you have."

AJ's eyes widened and she screamed, "YOU _**LIAR!**_ YOU BACKSTABBER!"

Once she began to sob and fell to the floor again, Punk approached her and replied, "AJ, I have TOLD you about all of this, why are you so damn surprised?"

She shook him away and walked backstage, yelling, "I HATE MEN!"

Kane, still in the audience, slowly shook his head and frowned, getting up and heading backstage as well.

**After the show...**

Maury VO: "Backstage after the show, Punk begged for forgiveness one more time."

Punk was shown trying to console a crying AJ. "Come on, babe, we both got to where we are now by cheating on our significant others, but we can get past this if you'd give me a little space!" he tried to reason with her.

"SPACE?" she demanded. You want SPACE? I-I..." she trailed off by breaking into a crazed smile and then giggled. "Hee hee." Finally, she planted a huge kiss onto his lips, when he broke away, stunned.

"We're-we're meant to be together, I can't-I can't give you any space." the unstable Diva said quickly, running a hand through his hair. "I love you and you love me!"

"_Stop_ it!" Punk cried, breaking away from her. But she refused to let him go. "Look, I think you need to move out of my house for a while."

"No! NOO! It's MY house!" she cried, following him. "Why are you being like this?"

"Get your bags and move back in with your friend." he replied, heading off.

"NOOO, STOP IT!" she whined, begging him to stay. "Come on, we're _MARRIED!"_

"It was a mistake!" he cried back.

Just then, Kane arrived and lifted a hysterical AJ over his shoulder, glared at Punk, and headed off with her screaming, "NO! LET ME GO! Punk, I LOVE YOU!"

A stunned and flabbergasted Punk watched his psycho (soon to be ex) wife being carried down the corridor, before saying, "(BLEEP) this show, this (BLEEP) is unreal."

Maury VO: "So after that, it seemed like this cheating-fueled marriage was about to come to an end. Stay tuned for more updates!"


	23. WWE: The Shield!

_**AN: All righty, first chapter in the resurrection of this story. I'm not sure how many more chapters I'm gonna do in general, but I'll see what I can do. Oh, and huge thanks to Zombie450AirBournePrincess for the great list of characters I can use for future chapters! :D**_

_**Anyways, I've been dying to upload something Shield related to this site since I LOVE them and I had a lotta fun with this chapter. :) Enjoy!**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 23 - The Shield...plus a special surprise guest!<strong>_** (Dean, Your SEX Noises are Too Loud! UNF! UNF! UNF!)**_

After quite a long commercial break, Maury was onstage with two thirds of the WWE's terroristic trio of the Shield, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. And they looked NONE too happy, especially with Seth crossing his arms and pouting the whole way.

"Everyone, this is 26 year old Seth and his best friend 27 year old Roman, welcome them to the show!" Maury exclaimed.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd cheered.

"I mean, they LOOK like twins, but they're just...best friends, one year apart, that's what they are." he continued while the two exchanged confused glances. Twins? Ol' Maury must be getting senile again. "Now backstage is a 27 year old man named Dean."

Ambrose was soon shown smirking over the monitor, quietly chuckling along the way.

"Now you have to understand, under normal circumstances, these three are usually the best of friends! The problem is, 27 year old Dean is now dating...this 42 year old woman named Chyna!"

That's right, THAT Chyna.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the audience roared once he was soon shown smirking along with the former WWF Women's champion, and giving her a spank from behind as she smiled and nodded. Roman silently shook his head in disdain while Seth made a gagging noise and quickly turned away from the screen.

Maury continued, "And-"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"And Roman and Seth say not only has Chyna invaded their home, and ruined their relationship with Dean; they wake up in the middle of the night, and all they're doing is hearing...UH! UH! UH!" he exclaimed, emphasizing that statement by clapping his hands to make it sound more lifelike.

"AW-UGH-(BLEEP)-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the crowd exclaimed, both laughing and jeering at the same time.

"Damn right!" Dean exclaimed backstage before pulling Chyna in for a wild kiss, adding more to the audience's disdain.

"STOP THAT!" Seth whined, blushing in embarrassment.

"Ok, here's what Seth and Roman had to say, watch this!" Maury announced.

* * *

><p>-Earlier that day-<p>

Seth began, "Our 27 year old best friend Dean is dating a girl nearly twice his age! And me and Roman are here to put a damn stop to it!"

Roman added, "We used to be so close with our Dean, but now that that dirty whore Chyna is in the picture, EVERYTHING'S changed!"

"Me and Roman wake up on weeknights to Dean and Chyna having sex! It's disgusting, and it needs to STOP." Rollins continued, while Roman was shown crossing his arms and shaking his head in the background in a badass pose. "I never thought our Dean would turn his back on us for another woman!"

Reigns cried, "Chyna tries to tell me and Seth what and what not to eat! She is not our mother and SHE NEVER WILL BE! If he marries her, he's gonna lose his only two friends!"

Seth finished, "Things need to change and Chyna needs to get the hell outta our lives! For good!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage, the crowd cheered in approval while Seth nodded and pumped his fist in the air in agreement. "That's right! That's RIGHT!"<p>

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Maury began, "So, Seth. What about these noises, what's going on here?"

"Dude, I'll be sleepin' in my bed and it's a freakin' work night, and when I wake up, all I hear is 'UH!...UH!...UH!..._UH!_'" Rollins exclaimed, adding a few pelvic thrusts for exaggeration while the audience went off again.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!-NO!"

"Whatevers." Chyna smirked from backstage.

"I don't do 'UH UH UH', I bang, bang, bang BANG! Ha hah!" Dean cackled. "Get it (BLEEP) right!"

"OOOOOOOOH-BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"You used to do a lot with Dean, right? What did y'all used to do?" asked the host.

"Oh we were beating people up for a living, looking up chicks' skirts for fun, stealing police cars for a joyride around town, stealing people's (BLEEP) for fun, just everything three homeboys should do, man." Roman replied, and despite the nature of the boys' activities that he'd just described, the audience STILL had to feel sorry for the two sitting on stage.

"AWW!"

"And now, what's it-" Maury was cut off when a picture of Dean, Roman, and Seth - during happier times - was shown on the monitor, and the picture just happened to be of them trying to flee prison and escape the police together. A few police dogs were chasing them down.

"AWWWWWWWW!" the audience exclaimed for some strange reason.

He continued, "What's it been like the last six months?"

"It's been terrible!-A nightmare!" the boys exclaimed.

"It's time to grow up and cut the (BLEEP)ing cord, you pathetic saps!" Dean called from backstage.

"She came into the picture and our brotherhood's just been falling apart." Rollins exclaimed, tossing his arms in the air in defeat. "You gotta help us, Maury."

Before he could speak, Dean interrupted, "It's time for you f(BLEEP)in' moochers to grow the (BLEEP) up, that's why!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Over the noise, Seth called back, "ACTUALLY, it's time for HER to grow the (BLEEP) up, that's what!"

"YEAH!" the crowd agreed, and Maury wasn't too happy with the excessive use of the F-word on his clean, shiny show.

"Hey, if you're going for the older ones, at least get a pretty one with less plastic in her face and boobs." Roman added.

Owned.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHH!" everyone exclaimed while he and Seth laughed and slapped hands.

"Good one, man."

"HEY, (BLEEP) you all!" Ambrose snapped, offended. "Don't you speak to my girl like that, (BLEEP)heads!"

"You're just JEALOUS, (BLEEP) you all, you're all jealous!" Chyna exclaimed, dismissively waving her hand.

Maury continued, "Well, before (BLEEEEP) 27 year old Dean and his 42 year old girlfriend Chyna come out here, this is what they have to say, watch."

* * *

><p>-Backstage-<p>

Dean began, "I'm 27 years old and I don't even care that my girlfriend is 42, I think she's effin HOT and I'm sick and (BLEEP)in tired of my friends telling me who I can't date no matter how old. (BLEEP) em."

"I may be nearly twice Dean's age, but I don't care. Cause he's a good lover in AND out of the bedroom." Chyna added.

"I've dedicated the last 9 months to raising my boys," Dean continued while a bummed out looking Seth and Roman were shown. "And now it's time for Dean to be happy!"

"The boys complain about sex noises coming from our bedroom. Well they can just turn up the radio and get over it." she said with some attitude, as the audience continued booing from outside.

"When I tell Chyna to keep the boys in line, I DEMAND that they listen! I don't care how close in age the three of us are! I'M the King of this Castle, damn it and they're going to live with me and my Chyna and they're going to LIKE IT."

Chyna finished, "Seth, Roman, I'm in love with your Dean. So you better get used to it because I'm going to be around for a LONG time."

The audience jeered even louder from outside.

"My hot babe and I are planning on gettin' married soon, and I'm gonna try and force my boys to be there. But if they don't show up, I'll just lock them in the closet like I have before and it's not stopping the damn wedding!" Ambrose exclaimed. "Believe THAT!"

* * *

><p>Back onstage...<p>

Maury smirked, knowing that these two were going to be fun ones to have on his stage. "Here's Dean and his 42 year old girlfriend Chyna, come on out!"

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"BOO, yeah, BOOO!" Seth exclaimed, standing over his chair and flashing them a thumbs down before a security guard had to force him back down. Either that or he'd have to pull the chair from under his feet, and that wouldn't have ended well.

Meanwhile, Dean and Chyna came onstage and ignored the jeering from the crowd. He laughed and flipped them all off before wrapping the older woman in another wild kiss, to more disdain from the audience. Once they sat down, Chyna allowed Dean to sit over her lap, since he was her proclaimed 'Dirty Daddy Bear' and all.

"Aw, HELL no, get off of her!" Roman exclaimed while he and Seth tried to pull him off of Chyna's lap. Ambrose, wide-eyed, quickly shook his head in protest and clung onto her, while trying to kick them away.

"Leave us alone!" he whined while a few guards had to separate them all.

"Don't sit on her lap, you have no idea what diseases she's carrying between those legs of hers! Come on!" Seth cried.

"OHHHHHHH!" everyone exclaimed, laughing and whooping.

Once both pairs were subdued and separated on opposite sides of the stage, Dean continued, "Cut the cord, cut the (BLEEP)in cord, it's time for Dean to have (BLEEP). I've taken care of you both for 9 months. I have done my (BLEEP)in' job. Now I have a beautiful lady here-"

"He's a good caretaker!" Chyna added.

"She's not a beautiful lady, she's a whore!" Roman exclaimed, to another loud reaction from the audience.

"Oh yeah? She may be a whore, but she's MY whore and I love her!" Ambrose snapped back.

"Wait, wait, you guys don't even know the worst part!" Seth exclaimed towards the audience and Maury. "Chyna really is a slut, you guys know she's in the pornography business?"

"WHAT?-OHHHHHHHHHHHH!-Oh my God!"

"Yeah, look at what I found lying around their room!" he continued, holding up a DVD case which was blurred from the censors. "'One Night in Chyna.' Look at this trash!"

"UGH-OHHHHHHH!"

Maury said nothing and sat there, quietly snickering.

"Hey, you have no right to go in my room and go through my things, how dare you?!" she demanded.

"I don't even care that she's into porn, in fact, she and I were thinkin' about making a new sex tape together!" Dean exclaimed, to an even louder round of disapproval from the crowd. "Yeah, that's right! I'm takin' a trip into Chyna, and damn it, it's gonna be FUN!"

"That's nasty, dude." Roman replied, shaking his head again. "You're better than this, I mean, come on."

"Yeah, you're really gonna just choose a b**ch over your own blood?" Seth agreed while the crowd cheered along.

"Hey, SHADDUP!" Dean snapped, defensively clinging onto his girlfriend.

"Yeah, who the hell you callin' a b**ch?! Honey, I am plenty of woman and you're just jealous that I'm with him and not either of you." she replied.

"What's there to be jealous about? Neither of us want your Herpes!" Reigns snapped back.

"OOHHHHH!"

Ambrose had to yell over the loudness of the crowd. "Any-ANYWAY, I'm not choosing her! I-She is going to be a part of this _unit, _and that's (BLEEP) the way it's gonna work!" he exclaimed.

Maury finally spoke up again. "Ok, Dean, you have two of your best friends here, and I know that they're both grown men just like you are, but they still live with you and they got a lot of...err, a lotta..uh..."

Dean raised an eyebrow.

"...Err..._testosterone_ in em, and-and they both-"

"Hey, you listen to me, Povich-" Ambrose began.

He finished, "And wouldn't you just want to be _discreet_ about your love life?"

"YEAH!" everyone agreed, while Seth clapped along.

"Thank you!" he cheered.

Dean exclaimed, "Hey, everybody (BLEEP)in' listen to me! They're grown men, they should be finding their own places, but here they are, CHOOSING to mooch off of me! And if they want to live under MY roof, they are gonna live under MY rules, damn it! Besides, the way my house is set up, the bedrooms are together."

"Right." the host nodded.

"And I'm assuming that they're sleeping, but (BLEEP) it, I'm not gonna let em stop ME from having fun! I wanna have FUN!" he exclaimed. Chyna opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shut it once they both heard a rousing, "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" from the crowd again.

"We don't need to be hearing that (BLEEP) all night long-just turn up the radio and you won't have to hear it!" Seth and Chyna argued at once, before Maury began, "Ok, I have my buddy Dr. Jeff Gardere here,"

"WHOO!" everyone cheered once the show's resident psychiatrist stood up and soaked in the cheers.

"CAN. THIS. WORK?" Maury asked.

_"No!" _some lady in the crowd called back.

Dean grunted in reply and nuzzled into Chyna's chest, while Dr. Jeff replied, "It CAN work...but Dean, you've overdosed on old Ying Yang and done lost your mind!"

"YEAH-WHOO!"

Seth and Roman grinned and stifled their laughter, while Ambrose glared at him with an evil glint in his eye, quickly shaking his head. "I didn't lose nothin! YOU'RE the one overdosing on (BLEEP), ya quack! She's my baby and ain't nothing gonna change around here! Nothing!"

The doctor continued, "Dean, Dean! Listen, I'm gonna make this short and sweet. You're the ringleader here, you've got to restore ORDER and RESPECT back into this home!"

"YEAH!"

Roman clapped along while Seth continued smiling and snickered along.

Chyna kept her mouth shut while Dean kept his fixed position over her, rolling his eyes. "We're still makin' that sex tape." he announced.

Maury announced, "Dean, when's the last time you went carjacking with them? When's the last time you guys went to beat up people? When's the last time you all tried escaping prison together?"

"It's been a while, but-"

"Yeah, what happened to all that, man?" agreed Seth.

"You're always doin' everything together, dude-we shouldn't have to sit here day in and day out listening to that (BLEEP) with that slut of yours-Well, (BLEEP) YOU!-No, (BLEEP) YOU!-All segregated and everything-I NEED A LIFE, TOO!" the four of them yelled at once. Meanwhile, the censors were doing one hell of a job today!

"Yeah, you're always-" Chyna began, but Dean cut her off.

"Look, Roman, you're always busy at the corner picking up chicks and Seth, you're always playing that (BLEEP) X-Box 24/7, well, what about ME?!" Ambrose complained, upset. "You never have time for me, either!"

"AW-BOOOO!" the crowd drowned him out.

"That's what made me find THIS!" he finished, accidentally patting her boob instead of her knee. Well not completely accidental, anyway.

"Ever since I met him-We've ALWAYS been there for you, Dean!-You boys are the ones who need to get a life-" Chyna and the boys' overlapping voices collided again.

"Keep your gonorrhea to yourself!" Seth snapped.

"EXCUSE me?!" Chyna demanded, springing out of her chair so fast that Dean ended up tumbling off of her lap and onto the floor. She approached Rollins and began snapping fingers while he stood up to her, trying to argue back. "Yeah, you heard me, keep your damn legs closed-who are YOU to be speaking to me that way, little boy?! WHO ARE YOU-You're nothing but a nasty slut and you need to get the HELL out of our lives and away from our friend!"

As all this was going on, Roman had to restrain Seth while Dean got back up and restrained Chyna. Maury, still with that smug smirk on his face, just sat there and continued letting this mess go down instead of actually doing anything about it. After a few minutes, he finally asked, "Chyna...why don't you find somebody your own age?"

"YAY-YEAH!"

"THANK YOU!" Rollins exclaimed.

She shook her head while Dean continued holding her back. He whispered to her, "Cause I'm your Dirty Daddy Bear, that's why."

"Ha hah!" she smiled along, wrapping her arms around his neck. Soon after, he climbed over her lap again and they began French kissing, using tongue and all of that, while the crowd cried out their disapproval.

"Stop it, STOP IT!" Seth whined, while Roman was slowly shaking his head again.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Maury continued smiling for the camera.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Finally, he spoke up again. "Ok, we're gonna bid farewell to this little family here...but I can't wait for the update. We'll be back after this!"

"YEAH-WHOO!"

...

UPDATE: Three days after the show, Dean realized that he'd gotten an uncomfortable feeling in his lower region, and once Seth had taken him to the andrologist (a gynecologist for men, for those who don't know), it was revealed that whatever Dean had contracted, it came from Chyna. He broke up with her later that night. After trying to make their relationship work, but failing, Chyna decided to head back to Hollywood to continue her adult film career. Dean, Seth, and Roman managed to restore their brotherly bond, but after choosing to watch One Night in Chyna one evening, they completely regretted that decision once the three of them went blind for nearly a week.

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: Stay tuned for more! :)<br>**_


	24. Author's Note

**Message to readers:  
><strong>

_**AN: Hey guys. I know I said that I'd be doing a few more chapters of this, but I feel that 23 chapters is enough to complete it and put this to rest for good. I was planning on stopping after 20 chapters, but stuff happens. Anyways, I'm ending the story here because I really don't have it in me to do any more. So with that being said, I'd like to thank each and every one of you who favorited, reviewed, followed, etc, and for making this such a success. :) **_

_**Also, this will most likely be the last story I'm ever finishing/posting on this site, and again, I thank everyone who's supported me along the way and helped make posting stories on here fun while it lasted. So, in the words of ol' Maury - 'Until next time, America!' **_


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